ARG!

Okay, so not exactly an original title but it's how I feel at the moment.  I love my inlaws dearly.  They really are lovely people.  I just have problems with them constantly going through my house.  ARG!

They've offered to come down and watch the kids each day while I run E down the street to kindergarten.  Lovely really.  It's so helpful not to have to juggle the kids at the school not to mention I don't have to worry about getting them dressed.  So I appreciate it, really I do.  

But.... I hate coming home to find my mother-in-law going through my house.  Last week it was the kids toys.  She saw we had put some toy blocks in our storage room (again, how did she know they were there if she wasn't snooping?) so she decided to go through all the toys and find any more of the blocks because she decided she wanted them.  Did she ask me?  No.  Yesterday, I come home after being gone for the afternoon to find that they spent time downstairs fiddling.  Okay, so papa replaced the burnt out bulb in O's room but really, where's my sense of space and privacy?  They didn't tell me that they were going to do that.  

Today I come home to find her in our short pantry cupboard and noticed that the hinge was loose.  Why didn't I tell them the screw had come out?!?!?   No reason for her to be in that cupboard at all.  ARGGGGGGGGG. 

Small things I know and I really, really ought to be appreciative and I am to a certain extent.  I just like my privacy.  I feel like I never measure up.  My house is always a mess etc.....  It always seems that when I don't leave the house tidy that that's when they decide to suddenly come down and do a project.  

Am I being completely unreasonable?  Probably.  After all they are doing it for me but some how it just ticks me off that these things get done by them.  It really should be getting done by myself and my husband.  O's lights were burnt out for 3 or 4 days.  Hubby could easily have fixed it.  I couldn't cause it was one of those weird unscrewable lights etc.  Granted hubby has been working a lot, he hasn't had a day off in 10 days so I really don't fault him for not getting it done. 

Then they feel  they've got to organize us. K was warming up the van for me, scraping my windows etc.  They pop their heads out the window and tell him not to bother, they will drive me.  So I had to get driven to school with my daughter.  I felt like I was 16... with a child.  Then because they are paranoid about people dinging their car door, he takes up two stalls in an already very small parking lot.  How embarassing.  My hubby was floored when I told him about it.  So when they offered to drive me today... at least they offered today it wasn't a direct order like yesterday, I was able to say no.  I'd rather walk. 

CHA

Zeemaid

Good Grief

Mommy:  "E, I'm so sorry your fish died."

E:              "I'm sad that Goldie died.  I'm gonna miss him."

Mommy:  "I know sweetie."  patting E comfortingly.

E:            "Can we get a turtle now?"

Mommy:  "Uh no sweetie we can't get a turtle."

I swear that was our conversation.  It sounds almost familiar somehow like I read it in a mag, you know the ones that post those funny things kids say.  Just goes to show that kids are universal. 

So no we're not getting a turtle.   I can't get those kids to wash their hands consistently after going to the bathroom never mind adding a turtle into the mix. At least with the fish they just feed it and it does it's own thing.  I do not need any more poop in my house.  

Several hours later, E told me she wanted a horse.  Do you think she's catching on?  You know, ask for something really big and then maybe she'll get the turtle afterall? 

Cheers, 

Zeemaid

Things I like

Here's a flash I got while putting movies away at work, I happened to glance down at my feet.

Do you know what I like? Socks. Not plain old socks mind you, funky socks with a capital FUNK. I tend to stray towards girly socks but as other people sometimes buy socks for me like my mom and my hubby, I don't always get the girly colours. Sometimes I have to suffer with blues on blues or even black and gold stripped socks (they're so not pretty); however, I still like em cause they're different. I'm currently wearing salmon pink socks with white snowflakes on them. They are well displayed because I wear those Skecher's mary jane type runners with the cross over strap.

They sell all these cool socks but just how many people do you actually see wearing interesting socks? Maybe I just haven't been paying attention, I'm probably more concerned with my own feet. Although I do notice pretty nail polish on toes.

My thing is, it's simple. I can't afford a snazzy wardrobe or funky shoes which frankly just make your feet hurt anyways. Really, why are there no sexy shoes that take orthotics? Nowadays (listen to me I sound so old nowadays) you can even get socks at the dollar store. Okay they're thin and poor quality but they are... cheap. So it's a small thing to make my day cheery. My kids like them, even my doctor likes them. It's gotta make you laugh when you put your legs up in those old stirrups (I was expecting baby #2) and my doctor chuckled and said he liked my socks. I got a kick out of that. Socks don't have to be practical. They can be fun.

It's kind of like wearing pretty underwear only it's much cheaper and you don't have to be naked to appreciate.

While I'm on a role here... know what else I like? Tea. Not coffee, tea. And not that herbal crap. Okay it's not crap, but for me it's gotta be good old black tea. Tetley is our current brand of choice. It's been making us a perfect cup of tea for years now.

There is just something so soothing, so calming about tea. When I'm stressed or having a bad day, a cup of tea sets me up just fine. When my tummy is queasy, tea helps. My favourite mummy relaxing moment in time is making a hot cup of tea and picking up my latest book for a good read.

I like a tea that I can add milk and a little sugar to it. It's not tea without the milk and sugar. I can't really understand those that don't put milk in their tea. YUCK. And I have this one friend I have a hard time really connecting with.. we get together with the kids etc.. and I think it's because she doesn't drink tea. It's just easier to bond over tea. The whole ritual of boiling water, steeping a pot and picking out nice cups or mugs.

In fact, my husband and I literally dated over tea. We spent countless evenings just drinking tea and talking. No t.v., just us, drinking tea and talking for hours. If he was a coffee lover only.... I just don't think it would have happened. We still (almost ten years later) end each day by having a cup of tea together before bed. We can still talk for hours too.

So that's what I like. Careful.. I'm sure there's more. *L*

Zeemaid

Too much negativity?

So you may have all noticed that I've been a little negative lately.  You'll see that from time to time. I go up and I go down.  Always have.  My mood swings are pretty amazing and by amazing I mean awful.  I've had problems with it since I was in my teens.  Most of the time I've got a pretty good handle on it but throw in children, work, selling a house, living with inlaws etc  and it often rears up it's ugly head, especially since I've had my third child. 

Looking back to 2007, I think I may have had a small case of postpartum depression.  Last year my swings were so bad I thought I was going to go bananas.  I never did tell hubby just how bad it was but I seriously wanted to go see the doc and get some happy pills.  Now that's not to minimize or belittle those with issues and those who take medication to help them stay balanced.  I'm just saying I was beginning to realize that I really needed help. The problem is with reaching out for help is that fear that people will think you are crazy and take your children away. 

That's when I started with the whole healthy living thing, food sensitivity testing etc. mentioned in posts from February through April 2008.   What I primarily found out... eating with food sensitivities costs a lot of money.  So much so that we had to discontinue it.  I couldn't afford to buying $5.00 loaves of bread every week on top of all the other  food that passes for gluten free etc.  Our grocery bill almost tripled and we just don't have the money for that. 

And one of those not taking time for me things... I'm lousy for getting in to see the doctor.  So I finally managed to make it, albeit with 2 kids so it was hard to really chat.  Long story short, I'm going to go on a progesterone pill.  My hormones are imbalanced and I have too much estrogen.  Case and point was when I could only get pregnant by using progesterone cream after going through infertility treatment.  

And No, we're not trying again.  I pretty much have realized that until I get my emotions under better control there was absolutely no way I should be adding to my stress by trying to have another baby.  Let's just keep the ones I already have happy and not subject them to an even more stressed out mommy.  

So I'm starting that pretty quick and hopefully it will help.  As the doctor says, that may not be the whole issue but hey even it's only 1/2, it will help.  I'm hoping so anyways and so is my husband and I'm sure my entire family.  They all hate my tears.  Did I mention I was a crier.  I cry over everything, which I hate.  

And having said all of that... yada yada yada, I have to say I was thrilled to see that I have four, count em 4, followers.  It really perked up my day to see that people actually did enjoy reading what I had to say despite some of my whining.  So thank you to those that follow and to those that take the time to leave comments.  I love the fact that by blogging I have become a part of a larger community. 

So a great big hug and thank you to all. 

Zeemaid

Family Tree

It's going to be my parents 40th wedding anniversary on February 14th.  Yeah, I know.  Valentines Day.  Apparently, according to my mother it was not planned that way.  They wanted the church for the Friday prior but it wasn't available so went for the next weekend which ended up being V.D.  er that doesn't look so great abbreviated.

Anywho as I was saying my parents 40th is coming up.  Now my mom has absolutely 100% vetoed, kaiboshed (sp?), forbidden and all out pooped upon any idea of a shindig.  So pressures off right?  No!! Cause I'm a good daughter.  I want to do something for them that doesn't totally fall under the category of lame. 

Option #1:  Send em to Reno by bus.  Ooops forgot about the new passport laws.  We (meaning Canadians) can no longer step foot over the border sans passport.  (Notice the french I threw in there?  It's a Canadian thing)

Option #2:  Send em to a Hockey game.  Oops  all the Canuck games have been sold out for the past two years.  I can buy them tickets if I sign up for some membership thing and buy somebody season ticket holders tickets for a game at the price of $217.00 a pop plus fees and taxes yada yada yada.  

Option #3:  Take em out to a swanky restaurant sans (again with the French) my 3 children because hey they're still at the let's crawl under the table and explore stage.  Never mind that swanky restaurants don't even have crayons.  

Option #4:  Have supper at my brother's house. Either cook or get it catered.  HMMM that has more possibilities but does it fall under the lameness category? 

So... so far I've got this (see pic above).  I just ordered if off of Ebay and I'm going to do our family tree.  Hopefully.  Maybe.  We'll see.   Don't sound too confident do I?  You all know how tough it is juggling kids, work and projects.  So it's a we'll see. I'm gonna give it my darndest and hope for the best. 

Cha cha cha

Thank the Good Lord for Nanas

I think the post should say... All is quiet on the western front.  That's how it feels today.  After my usual morning routine... E asked if she could go up and visit Nana after the O'ster went down for his nap. (mom holds her breath)  Nana said yes.  So after lunch off the little darlings went.  O to slumberland and J &E to Nanaland.  These are the days I absolutely LOVE living with the inlaws. 

So here I am about to sit down with a book, the water's boiling for tea, I've got 3 macadamia nut cookies... okay I'm lying I've got 6 cookies baking in the oven as we speak er type and for a short little while all is peaceful and good in my world.  Until at least 2:00 p.m. that is. 

Do you struggle with the me time?  Like I have this small window of peace, shouldn't I really be organizing my drawers, sorting through toys, folding laundry, you know all those things that are difficult to do with the kids running around?  I struggle with it.  Because let's face it, I'd rather not be cleaning right now.  I want to be doing this, reading, drinking tea or even having a short nap on the sofa.  I'd rather try and clean while my kids are around (bad mommy) so when I have these breaks they really can be "me" breaks.  My dishes are done, the floor only has 6 toys currently on it.  The masses of laundry are for once put away.  So I figure I should be relatively guilt free.  The hidden messes like the junk drawer are just that.. hidden.  So I'm not going to feel bad about that.  

I've found I'm getting good at cleaning creatively.  I either get the kids involved.  Who knew throwing dirty laundry in the washing machine was just so much fun.  If your kids help you, do make sure you check the machine before you turn the water on, sometimes when O runs out of clothes, he finds other things to toss in there.  Soggy toilet paper roll in a load of darks.  YUM!  So we'll clean, then play, then clean, then play and so on. 

DING... ahhhh cookies are ready.  Okay.. so envy me just a little right now.  It's okay because the next quiet moment you get.. I will be looking on with envy. 

A Toast to the me time!

Cheers

Zeemaid

Where was I going

Sometimes I wonder if there is more to life than this.   I spend my days with three children under 5, then work four nights a week.  Free time is pretty much nil.  Whatever hobbies I used to have has flown out of the proverbial window.  I can't even seem to squeeze in exercise time, something which is a must because of my high blood pressure.  Gee, the only time I can do it... is if I GET UP EARLIER.  Can I just say... so bite me? 

We own two video stores so the free evenings I do have means I HAVE to watch movies.  I'm sorry but apart from the fact that my movies are free.. it really has soured the whole joy of staying home and popping a video in.  I'm the type of person that can multitask while I watch a film only if I have seen it before. Otherwise, I miss too much stuff and I like to catch all the dialogue.  I'm a reader so I LIKE dialogue.  We even put subtitles on just so we can catch every word. 

Someone asked me... what do  I do for myself?  What?  Do something for me?  Get out!   Okay, occasionally and I do mean occasionally I do get out to do something girly like go to the spa but those trips are few and far between and mainly only on the insistence of a girl friend who treated me for my birthday.  Otherwise, I have no time.  Any time I could free up would require babysitting.  I don't know about you but I hate asking my parents or inlaws to babysit very often.  My mother never sounds very enthusiastic.  She loves my kids, I just think she likes them more on a visiting basis.  Occasionally she comes and takes E for an afternoon but she still works so she doesn't have a lot of time for it.  Add that to she hates to drive at night etc..  My mom-in-law is willing most of the time but she's older so 3 kids poop her out.  They're always doing little sits for us, like watching the kids in the a.m. so I can take E to school and coming down after they are in bed once in a while so K and I can go out.  But that's it and we don't have a regular teenage babysitter.  We have no clue how to go about finding a sitter we can trust.  Let's face it, stranger babysitters are a whole new complication.  My 14 year old nephew babysat once but he didn't even change O's diaper in 5 hours.  Course he's never had to do it before. 

So life seems very drudge-like at the moment.  The only small pleasures I get in is when I'm reading, usually while the kids are sleeping.  Most days my kids are fun but there are lots and lots of days they're just so much work.  Like what we like to call the "summer of sick" cause they were all so sick for almost the entire summer.  It's hard to keep them entertained in weather like this so often then end up running screaming through the house chasing each other.  They've got to burn off the energy somehow but boy oh boy it's loud.  I seriously need to invest in ear plugs. 

Do you ever find that you get to where you just don't care anymore, you just don't have it in you to settle out one more dispute, force one more kid to share, sort out what happened? More and more I find myself at that point and let's face it, it's not pretty. 

I guess I'm not so much whiny as just stating a few life realities at the moment.  I've come across a few blogs and some friends of friends who are amazingly enthusiastic about their mom job and love every little dirty, screaming, nit picking little aspect of it.   They have nothing negative to say.  NOTHING.  Yes, Johnny can have a drum set.  A DRUM SET.  Are they for real?  I just want to smack them.   Yeah it's selfish.  They annoy the crap out of me because I can't meet that standard.  The bar is just too damn high.  I don't love my mom job.  It's a job I do.  I love my kids by quite frankly they drive me crazy say 75% of the time.  I didn't expect parenthood to be this tough, this demanding.  

So it makes me feel like a bad parent because I don't love all of it.  Then I feel bad and wonder what's wrong with me.  Then I see my daughter laughing her head off and clambering all over me because we're having fun together and think, okay, I'm not such a bad parent after all. I do have fun with them, I'm constantly thinking up fun things we can do together as a family.  Our weekends are primarily spent with trying to do something for the kids.  

I'm convinced that those "perfect" parents are not parent of the year models.  I just think they're some how able to look above all the crap and only see the good stuff.  Kinda like the glass half empty,  glass half full theory.  Whereas I often only see the bad.  

I've been interrupted so many times that I have no idea where I was going anymore or what more I had to say.  I think I had more of a point to make but I'm lost.  

So, is this it?  If so, how can I make life better or more fulfilling because right now I have to say I'm barely getting by and when I die my life will be barely a blip on the radar of life.  How boring I've been.  Sometimes I just wish I had the guts to live life a little more fuller. 

Zeemaid

A wee confession

I have a confession.  Something happened when we were undecorating.  It was 100% my fault.  I should have known better but I was being pissy that day.  Hubby doesn't know yet and probably won't (unless he reads this post which he doesn't usually) until next year when we go to decorate the tree again. 

(dramatic pause) I broke an ornament well several ornaments really.  We opted not to put the glass balls on the tree this year you know because the kids might break them.  So we left them in their boxes in the bin.  Well I brought out the bin and sort of dropped it on the floor.  I was being grumpy because K was being grumpy so I didn't set the bin carefully down like I should have.  Now I would not have knowingly done this. I forgot we had breakables in there.  Stupid me.  When I opened up the bin I said to myself... Oops!  When I looked closer I saw that many of them were broken. Crap!  Did I confess and clean out the bin and toss the broken ornaments? No, of course not.  I simply covered them up with something else and proceeded to undecorate the tree.  

Then, because I was still being grumpy I stimply tossed all the non breakable ornaments off the tree into a corner in the storage bin.  Normally we'd pack all these up in boxes.  We're kinda anal that way but I couldnt' find the boxes to pack stuff in (I had asked hubby but he was either ignoring me or didn't hear me) so I said screw it and just tossed the stuff in.  So I just know that I'm going to regret that next Christmas.  Like I said, we're big on putting things back in their original boxes etc.  

Right now it's kinda bugging me a little but I've got 11 months to sort of forget about it.  By the time next Christmas rolls around I'm sure it will be a 'gee can't imagine what happened to the ornaments" kinda of thing. *L*  

Zeemaid

Wishing can be DANGEROUS

As I was browsing the gadget feature to see what I could add to my page (did you know there were more there than the basic, duh to me) when I saw one popular gadget: Places you must see before you die. The main photo was gorgeous and I thought... what was the point in looking at beautiful scenery of beautiful places that I was never going to get to see? Does it make sense to create that kind of longing? Kind of like, don't wish for riches because you're never gonna get it. Or don't dream about how you'd spend the money if you won the lotto jackpot cause it's not going to happen (especially if you never buy a ticket).

Of course, dreams are nice to have and nice to dream about. I dreamed about getting married, having a home of my own and children. Now those things are and were possible for me and are possible for most people. Most people; however, are not going to win a home makeover by Tai Pennington or Oprah. Most people are not going to win the lottery. Most people are not going to get a personal makeover or have some rich relative die and leave them a sizable inheritance.

Some people can dream those things and not become discontent. For some, it can make the future seem rosier to think of those things as possibilities.

I'm not like that. If I can't have it, I don't want to think about. It bums me out. Why stir up discontent. I'd rather not look at sales fliers if I don't have money to buy anything. Besides, when it comes down to it do any of those things really make people happy? Money takes the pressure off, yes that's true but it still (and there's so many songs and stories to prove it) doesn't buy happiness.

It's kind of like this cruise we've been talking about. It will be our 10th anniversary this summer and we'd really like to get away. Heck, let's face it, we NEED to get away. So we've been talking and talking and looking at cruise guides for planning a cruise.

First... we started off we'll go somewhere exotic. Then we looked at airfare and air travel time (a lot of the tropical cruises leave from Florida) and thought we need to find a cruise that's not so far to get to. So we're look at cruises from LA etc. Then we think... what if something happens to us while flying, our kids would be parentless in one shebang. So then we're looking at a cruise that leaves closer to us. Only it's to somewhere cold and we'd done it before.

I've played it safe my whole life. I've travelled to Europe but to the safe part of Europe. I stayed with friends or family when I was there. I've travelled across Canada and the U.S. but never stopped at those quaint, unfamiliar places because they're you know... unfamiliar. So for once I wanted to break out of the mold and do something more let's say exotic.

Well, we are now in January 2009 and have been talking about this since at least August of 2008. Do we have passports done? NO. Do we have a trip booked? NO. Do we at least have it narrowed down to one specific place or idea? NO. Do we have the money saved? NO. (Well we're using travel reward miles but we still need spending money) Do we know who is going to look after our kids? NO.

And that, my friends, is really the crux of the problem. Our three little (snort) darlings. Ahem. We can't rely on K's parents. They are in their sixties and it's just not fair to ask them to wear themselves out for an entire week looking after the kidlets. If said kidlets were older and in school most of the time, I wouldn't feel so bad. My mom, though younger, still works so that's out. We have one friend who said she'd do it if she wasn't pregnant. They are probably going to start trying soon. She also needs to work so we'd have to pay for her to be off, which I'm fine doing but who knows if that would be okay with her employer. (She's currently seeking employment). Something always seems to come up to prevent these things. Besides it just seems like such a huge thing to ask people to look after your three children for a whole week. It's not just the babysitting thing, it's uprooting their lives thing to do it.

Oh and did I mention, we're also trying to sell our house and have no idea when or if it's gonna sell and whether we'd be trying to move before, during or after our vacation.

So I'm back to the let's face it... it's just not gonna happen. It may be nice to talk about but reality is, it's just not gonna happen.

So yeah, to get back to my point. Wishing CAN be dangerous.. to your mental health that is.

Just a thought.

Zeemaid

P.S. So much for my thinking positive resolution. *L*

Above picture provided by http://www.graphicsbypennyparker.com/If you like the blue fairy photo, you absolutely must check out this lady's page. It's amazing.

Losing The Flash

Argh.  Don't you just hate it when you get the flash but you can't do anything about it because you're too busy at the moment.  Then when you do finally get a chance to sit down and blog, the idea has completely gone out of your head and try as you may, you just can't think what it was you wanted to write about.  And it was good, I know it was.  ;) 

I think that's why people invented portable Dictaphones only that doesn't exactly work in the life of a stay at home mom. 

Aside from losing the flash, we're back to school again.  E was quite happy to go to school today and as much as I grumbled about having to be up and about on time again, it was nice to slip into a routine.  Holidays has a way of derailing routines.  

We undecorated our house this past weekend and I, for once, am relieved.  The tree was just so messy and making our house so cluttered looking.  The kidlets couldn't keep their hands off it so it was in a sad state of disarray and then there's the fact that it just crowds our small living room. 

We decided to rearrange our living room on top of that and you'd be amazed at how much our mood levels rose just by getting ourselves reorganized and changing things around.  The changes aren't big changes but it's just refreshing to the room and to the eyes.  I think part of our problem was that we were getting too bogged down in the Christmas clutter.  Our usual tradition is keeping presents under the tree after xmas until the tree comes down and gets put away.(yes, the kids still get to play with them)  With three kids though that's a lot of little things kicking around plus they've liked to add their old stuff to the pile.  Anyone living in a small place knows how depressing it can be to live in too much clutter. 

My sister-in-law told me that after being at our house for the week, she always gets depressed. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment the size of a postage stamp and there is 4 of them and they have way too much stuff.  Upstairs in our home (where the in laws live) has 4 bedrooms, a family room, living room, dining room, 2 1/2 bathrooms etc.  Downstairs we're at least 600 square feet less and there is 5 of us.  (we've switched cause we're selling the house and with 3 kids, I have better access to back yard). 

Update re the snow:  It's still here.  It's been about a month since it all started.  We just can't seem to get rid of the cold front.  It starts snowing on and off and really dumped last night.  They got it worse than us on the mainland though so I should consider myself lucky.  At this point I'm waiting for the snow to just melt and go.  We really can't go anywhere very far because everything is so icy and there's not point putting me and the kids at risk if I don't have to.  My mom's about to have a conniption.  All this snow drives her batty because she's worried sick about us big kids driving in it plus she doesn't like to drive to work in it so she makes my dad.  My mom is definitely one of those people that like to do the driving.  

So for all that I've supposedly lost the "flash", it seems I still found plenty to write about.  It was just a particular topic I wanted to canvass. Oh well, if it comes back to me next time I will write it down first. 

Cheers, 

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

P.S.  In Response to the Comments left re Why We Blog

To those that posted comments thank you for sharing why you blog.  :)  There is no real comparison to the diaries of old.  I just like the anonymity of it all. :)

  

Why We Blog

Why do we blog? Are we looking for recognition, immortality or just to record our day. In days now mostly gone by we used paper diaries. You know that thing you write on with a pen. I would bet that more people blog nowadays at one time than any one has ever recorded their life on paper in history.

Why is that? Is it because we're so voyeuristic we like to live through other people's lives? Kinda like watching reality t.v.

I started a blog because I figured I had some opinions I wanted to rant about and maybe, just maybe somebody would pay attention to them and possibly agree with me. I set up this account, made myself and my information as anonymous as possible so I could lay it all out there. So I wouldn't be worried about what someone would think if I said something bad about them. So I could be completely honest in how I think and how I feel. Too often we jump to the wrong emotions but by writing it out we can realize where we are wrong and work on it.

But now... my blog has been compromised.

Firstly because I asked a friend for assistance in getting more traffic to my site. They said they wouldn't read it... they did. And that's okay. It's just that after I knew they were, I found myself rethinking what I was typing just in case they read it again.

Secondly, my blog is compromised because I've had a few comments on my posts. Don't get me wrong, I was eager for comments and the knowledge that someone was actually reading this stupid thing. But then as I began to read their blogs and find out who they are, I find myself caring about what they might think of me. Suddenly a bad day was smoothed over a little. After all, I don't want these people to think I'm horrible, do I? And I'm not always that witty. I try to be, I would like to be but some days it's just not there. There's a pressure to be upbeat and witty, that that is more appealing somehow.

But please don't stop the comments. I do love them and I enjoy reading other people's blogs.

I just have to get over myself and stop looking for other people's approval. Maybe I should add that to my New Year's list.

So please keep up the comments when you have them. I appreciate it and I will try to keep on being honest and open and hey, I guess if you don't like me or what you're reading, you can just go on to the next blog. That's my philosophical thought for the day.... can you tell I've been watching too many narrated shows.

Zeemaid

Happy New Year!

Well it's 2009 and already... nothing seems different.  I still got up grumpy, still had to push the kids away just so I could pee for maybe 5 secs in peace.  Had to nag the kids to tell me what they wanted for breakfast because I knew that if I let them ignore more, I'd be just about to sit down and eat my own breakfast when suddenly they'd come whining up to me looking for theirs and I'd have to make it while my own went cold.  The life of a mom.  I don't know about you but I like to eat my food while it's still warm and drink my tea while it's still hot.  In other words, I hate cold food. Unless, of course, it's meant to be cold. 

Did I really think the new year would bring in anything different?  No.  Was it too much to expect hubby to plan his schedule ahead so he took off more than just one day off for the Xmas holidays. (Sorry honey but Xmas day does NOT count).  On the one hand, I get that he has to pay stat pay etc and it's expensive, on the other hand... which is more important paying staff an extra 100 or so or spending more time with the family and HELPING out.  :) 

My husband is great at helping but this week we've had his family all week.  I end up with 4 kids most of the day.  E's cousin B is 5 months younger than her and so I've got two hyper 5 year olds that can't seem to sit still or be quiet for more than 5 seconds.  The only reasonable chance I've got of that is if I can entice them to watch a movie.  Even then it's hard finding one that's alluring enough to make them not want to run and jump and scream.  When the girls get like that all the kids start because they can't seem to keep their hands off the little ones.  They hug them and kiss them and squeeze them.  Ever see the little girl on Animaniacs?  The one who'd love and squeeze every animal that came her way until they were absolutely desperate to get away.  Just like that.  

I do get a few quiet moments now and then when I steal them.  My perfect excuse is that O is going down for his nap so I left the girls upstairs with Nana, Papa and Aunty and I buggered off to put O to bed.  Of course, now I'm making sure he's asleep before I go back up.  I'm not stupid. 

However, negativity begets negativity.  Is that a saying?  Probably not.  I've been reading about positive thinking etc. and have decided that it makes sense.  Change your attitude change your life.  So I'm going to start thinking positively.  There was this whole blah blah stuff about the law of attraction etc... but I also believe in the Grace of God so I'm not sure where all that falls into it.  

My house is going to sell and for top dollar.  I will lose weight and be a smaller size again.  I will become more patient.  I will resolve my work issue and spend more time with my family and more time for me.  

Oh and this snowy weather is going to stop. Soon.  I don't think I mentioned that we still have snow.  That's over 3 weeks of snow.  That is very unusual.  The snow is definitely melting now but there was just so much of it.  Plus, it's still very cold so we have a lot of ice now and today it decided to snow again when it called for rain.  It's calling for rain the whole weekend so we shall see. 

Well.... O's definitely asleep so I better get back up there and do my part!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Zeemaid

On the Cusp of a New Year

So it's not New Year's eve yet but I can't help feel how quickly this year has gone. It seems that time goes faster and faster when you have children. Maybe it's not that time goes faster it is just that they grow so quick you have more of a measuring stick to go by. E's done her part of kindergarten and it's strange to think that in 9 months she'll be in grade one when she hasn't even finished kindergarten yet. O will be 2 in April, E will be 6 in July and J on her way to being 4.

My husband hopes that next year will be better. Querying him on why he thought this year was so rough it turns out he keeps getting the year before (which truly was a difficult year) mixed up with this year. Though when I stop and think about this past year, it hasn't been without it's bumps. K finally settled his court case with his ex-employer in August, then the tax man decided he didn't like our deductions and re-assessed our 2005 and 2006 taxes and is denying our charitable donation and is making us pay our entire refund plus interest back. So there went all our savings. We're fighting it but who know how long it will take for them to decide in our favour or not. It's not just us, it's everyone that participated in the same charitable donation program. Completely above board but for whatever reason the Government feels they can gyp us.

We have been trying to sell our house for two selling seasons now. We've had our house in the market this last time since April and have relisted till next April. We are praying for just the right family to come and buy our house. K is still commuting to work, my work is struggling financially and we went through a yick time with the kids being sick from July through August. E had a terrible adjustment time at school and O suddenly developed separation anxiety going to bed. He's much better now but he still struggles with throwing up at night when he cries.

J is pretty much the only one that hasn't had any major issues. She's doing the whole 3 thing, not wanting to help and changing her clothes constantly throughout the day but she's pretty easy to deal with. She does have a tendency to want everything her own way so we're lucky we have other kids or it'd be so easy to just cater to her. She's that kind of kid.

We are so crammed in our part of the house now that I feel like I'm going crazy trying to organize myself. I hate not having places to put stuff. But hey, we have a roof over our head and food to eat and clothes on our back. When you break it down like that, we are pretty lucky and need to remember it more often.

What I'd like to see for the new year:

• World Peace and Prosperity (naturally)
• Our house to sell
• move closer to husband's work
• deal with MV (my store) once and for all get it settled
• have more patience and time with the kids
• buy a new house
• find time for myself to do crafts and to EXERCISE
• lose weight (who doesn't want that right?)
• find more time with my two closest girlfriends
• start that book I want to write
• take up my bible more and pray more
• get a digital e book reader
• Get more organized

That's my list for now. I may add some more to it later.

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

Merry Post Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas day. Well, as wonderful you can get with a passionate 5 year old, a three year old who feels it's her duty in life to change 5x a day and refuse to wear anything mommy picks out and a 20 month old active little boy. Surprisingly, the present part went very well. Every one enjoyed opening their prezzies, mom (me) took lots of wonderful photos and for a time... all was serene and right with the world.


Maybe my expectations were too high... after all why should our behaviour be any better just because it IS Christmas day. Part of the problem, I admit, was my husband and myself. We hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. He for colon issues, me because I was paranoid the kiddies were going to get up in the middle of the night and rip open all the prezzies. It was almost like I was too excited and stressed to sleep. So neither of us slept well. It didn't make us any more patient with the kids. Usually, when it's a special day involved, I really, really try and suck it up and catch myself before I snap at the kids. Let's make it as pleasant as possible kind of thing. Unfortunately, Hubby was having a hard time sucking it up and finding that "inner peace". A fact which drove ME crazy. Stupid huh? So by 4 p.m. I was crying in the bedroom ready to send back all the presents and undecorate the tree.


How did it get so bad? Well it was a slow progression all afternoon. When E gets tired, she gets difficult to deal with, or to be specific whiny and cries and does the little thing I like to call the whine shimmy. You know... screws up her face in whine mode, shrugs her arms up and down and basically flails about while she's having a hissy to be repeated every single time she doesn't get her way or.... heaven forbid, mommy didn't hear her the first time. We ended up sending her to her room with a stern talking to. I think what finally broke me was the fact that I had just sat down and given her the talk, you know about our behaviour and trying to control our temper etc and being grateful for what you have etc... when I was leaving the room, she got up and proceeded to whine all over again. I was so mad I felt like hucking things and of course, poor hubby got in my way and he got an earful of his wrongs as well. SIGH... so I went to my room and cried and E fell asleep on her bed. I had to wake her up to go for dinner. She must have needed it because the rest of the evening, she was like a different child. We all breathed a sigh of relief.


Do you have one of those? One of those children that seem to set the whole house in a whirlwind? She's the one that's always barking, singing, jumping, chasing, growling, spinning, screaming and all around going crazy. She riles up the two little ones and can't seem to let them alone. Why do we even buy toys? No one plays with them, they just torture each other. When E's not home we all seem to breathe easier and the day just goes smoother. Isn't that awful? It makes me sad. Because if we have a hard time with her so do other people. Yet she's wonderfully creative, loves to dress up, sing and put on plays. She has an amazing imagination and loves to colour and create works of art. She has a kind heart and is very empathetic when you can get her to stop and think about what she's doing or when she sees someone else is hurting.


I guess life just has these ups and downs no matter what day it is. I just can't seem to learn how to take it in stride and not let it bother me. If I could do that, I think we'd be so much happier. correction... I'd be so much happier. Cause, after all, it was all MY fault according to hubby.


I was torn writing this post today. Do I gloss over all the negatives and write just the happy stuff or do I lay it all out like one big vomited mess. Lately my saying has been, if you're not happy, Fake it. Why ruin things for everyone else. That's kind of sad too. Thanks Dexter. (t.v. series I just started watching)


It's kind of like our camping trip, there were so many negatives and yet all the positives made up for it when you actually stopped to count the positives. Kind of like counting your blessings.


So what was wonderful about Christmas: we were woken up by E coming into our room telling us Santa had come. She would pop back in with different reports of what she's observed under the tree, without getting into anything. We heard J coming out and yelling Merry Christmas E, and running into our room Santa Came, Santa Came, Merry Christmas Mommy and O calling out in his crib in babytalk.. hey come get me.. I wanna see too.


We had a lovely present opening time. The girls loved their dolls we got them and had a fun time feeding them. O loved his cars and his car set. He got the best boy toy ever from his uncle and aunt and he actually is playing with a toy. WOW. He actually has a toy he likes. We had a lovely visit with my parents and a delicious Christmas dinner. The kids did not fall asleep on the way home and were very easy to put to bed. K and I were able to sit and watch a movie before bed and relax.


So what that it was all interspersed with grumpiness on our parts. It makes me recall certain Christmases of my childhood where I had been sent to my room and threatened by my mother that she was taking all my presents back. I even recall being so stubborn that I packed them up for her and setting them on my stool. The look on her face when she came in to talk to me sure made me feel bad, although I realize now that that look of hers was probably her own remorse for saying what she did. In the end I kept my presents, we kissed and made up... but it is still a Christmas in my memories. I don't remember what I got, but I must have really ticked my mother off. So you know what they say.... payback is a b#@!*.

So while I'm hoping that everyone had a great Christmas, I am also sorta hoping that people with kids can relate to what I'm saying. It surely can't be just us. Can it?

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

Merry Christmas

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

Happy Holidays,

From Zeemaid

It's Still Snowing

Okay, it's still snowing. I've been almost afraid to post since I got my first christmassy award from Court. After all, I don't wanna ruin my award winning set up! *L* Thanks to court for the award, I was tickled pink.

My husband is proudly telling anyone and everyone that I got an award! *LOL*

"Honey, honey, it's a made up award."

"So, it's still an award."

It did prompt me to enter my one snow photo into an online contest. Don't know if I will even get an honorable mention, but who knows.

So we did get some shopping done. Hubby rented an SUV and we headed off to the big city. Needless to say driving was an absolutely nightmare, cars in ditches, snow on the road. You know, the whole crazy people who don't how to drive in the snow because it's so rare here. It took my brother just 55 minutes to get out of the parking lot at a shopping mall. We were glad we decided to go to a smaller, less popular mall. We still had to sit in traffic a lot which was a drag. It seemed there was another big snowfall warning for Sunday/Monday so they were recommending to everyone to make sure they had their supplies on Sat. So sure enough the entire City was out in full force determined to get their provisions to hunker down and wait out the storm. *L* Anyone from someplace where it snows lots would be howling.

Here: Snow = Panic

We panicked in a sense too. This was our one and only shopping opportunity to be kidless from Sat until Xmas. So we shopped and shopped. We got it all done in just 2 hours at 2 malls. What went into the shopping cart? Everything! I think we were so worried about not being able to shop and not having presents for the kidlets that we bought EVERYTHING! We just didn't have the time to take it slow and weigh we wanted to get. If it was the right size, buy it. If it was age appropriate, buy it.

Man, this will teach me to be more prepared. Every year we tend to be the ones to shop early. I like to get it all planned out so it ticks me off when my brother approaches me a week before Xmas with a super rad gift idea for my dad that he wants me to go in on only I've already bought him a gift already. My bro, likes to play it close and always seems to wait to do Christmas shopping the last pay cheque before Xmas. Like there is suddenly more money then than the rest of the time. Let's face it, we all are usually sucking the money out of our accounts even if we don't have the extra. Why not do a little bit at a time and spread out the cost instead of having to pony up the dough all at once and being stressed the whole season that you're not going to make your other bills?

Of course, this year is tougher because of the recession but I wonder how many people will actually cut back and spend less this year? Or will they just put it all onto the credit cards and worry about it next year. So many of us these days try to shop our way into happiness. We've never been rich, just comfortable or maybe it's more apt to say just making it.

I'm tired of struggling to balance the check book. I hit a low point this summer when, trying to stick to a strict budget, realized that if we wanted juice we couldn't afford ice cream. Maybe next week kids. That totally sucked. AND we don't buy junk. That's just getting the staples but prices sure has gone up, that and my 3 kids are eating more. Yii. So I can understand why some people throw caution to the wind and just say f@#! it and go spend anyways. Of course, whenever I do do that, I regret it because suddenly we are in some financial crisis and it's because of overspending.

So don't mind me if I say Oprah's favourite things show is on the top of my hate most list. Who really wants to sit and watch an entire audience of people get free stuff and I mean really expensive free stuff. I'm happy for them but at the same point I'm green. I'd like to be able to sit there just once. I'd like just once to get a free makeover, home or personal. I'd like to be on the receiving end of some of that free stuff just once. But (a) I don't live in the U.S. anywhere remotely close to where these shows are made and (b) I don't have a sob story that would even qualify me. My living room isn't the ugliest in America etc... you know what I mean. So while I'm grateful that we're all healthy and our lives are bumping along relatively smoothly sometimes I think why not me too.

Ever watch extreme home makeover? It's a neat show and most of the families on there are very deserving, they like to play up how generous the family is etc, but I can't help but think there are so many other deserving people out there too so what about them? Do you think some of those people's neighbours must be resentful to see a crap house go and an over the top dream house pop while they themselves still have a crap house? Do you think if they did less on the main family's house that maybe they could afford to help MORE people? C'mon, normal every day people don't need houses like that.

Wow, that's not where I thought I was going with this post. Bit of a downer rant there.

I'm gonna have to get myself all cheered up. We're making Santa cookies this afternoon. That is cookies for Santa. Hopefully, they will last until the 24th *L*. And when you're baking with a 5 year old and 3 year old, you need to be upbeat cause the mess is gonna get heinous. This year a happy Christmas is gonna be a somewhat tidy house, three happy children, two parents with unlimited patience (maybe some time under the mistletoe) and snow, snow, snow outside. (Please Santa bring me some more patience)

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas.

Zeemaid

In the mommy Trenches

It's a Winter Wonderland

Okay... so last post I said Let it snow, Let it Snow. Well, I DIDN'T MEAN IT! No seriously, it can stop now, please, pretty please, please stop.

You guessed it, it's still snowing. We are getting a record snowfall. So far we have 27 inches with more expected tonight and tomorrow. I have NOT finished my Christmas shopping. I have NOT bought my son anything and I do mean anything yet. We just weren't able to get back to the store without the kids yet and now I don't know if we are going to make it into the City.

This is crazy. It's not normal for us. We used to get more snow when I was a kid but what with global warming etc.. our winters are pretty mild, we're lucky if it snows once a year never mind like this. We are usually considered the banana belt of Canada and our weather is more like England.. you know, rainy.

Don't get me wrong, as previously stated I do like snow. It's just I really really need to get my Christmas shopping done and hubby has a commute so I worry about him on the road. He didn't go in today but he might tomorrow and I'll worry the whole day.

The Plus side... it's pretty definite, almost positively positive that it will be a... white Christmas. Hurrah. We haven't had one of those in years. Down side, Christmas dinner is at my mother's and she gets even more snow out in ER than we do and we do NOT own a 4X4.

Okay.. too many shout outs, too many italics but I'm pretty excited. Christmas is coming. It's snowing. Wow.

The lights look gorgeous twinkling off the crisp white snow. I took tons of pictures today. Of snow, snow on trees, snow on houses, snow down the road, kids playing in snow. You name it. I even managed to get a photo of a snowflake. Hopefully, it will turn out. It was so cold that as it was snowing, the snowflakes would land on my sleeve and my gloves and stay absolutely perfect. I was mesmerized. I knew what snowflakes looked like, I mean we have drawings of them everywhere, but to see a real live snowflake and realize that it actually does look as amazing as they depict it is something. Part of me, I think, didn't actually believe that snowflakes really looked how people drawn them. Each one was different and so perfect, I wish I could have kept them. I guess when you're a kid, you just don't stop to look at the snowflakes. You too busy throwing them!

I will post some photos later (I'm currently blogging from work) when I get a chance to upload some from the camera. Hopefully, my photos will have done justice to how much snow there is and just how absolutely gorgeous it all. I love the crisp whiteness of the snow and how clean it makes everything look. (I hate the dirty snow clumps in the road.) Nothing is more breathtaking than a stretch of untouched snow glistening in the sunlight, or a stretch of trees, the ones with bare branches, all dressed up with snow. We have lights hanging in our fruit trees this year and so it looks amazing when we turn them on. It lights up the whole yard.

Anyways, back to work. Hopefully, wherever you are, you will have a White Christmas, if not in reality at least in your heart!

Merry Christmas,

Zeemaid
In the Mommy Trenches

P.S. photos have now been added.

P.S. favourite childhood snow memory..... I was elementary school age and it snowed pretty heavily one day. My mom, dad, brother and I all got dressed up in our snow gear (course it was snow pants then, just heavy clothes) and went for a winter nighttime walk. We walked over snow covered roads throwing snowballs along the way. We walked down to my school and sat on the swings. I can still remember my mom swinging away like a kid. I don't remember every detail but I just remember the warm sense of fun that we had being together as a family. Both my parents worked so moments like these weren't frequent. Then later my mom made us all hot chocolate to warm us up.

What's your favourite winter memory?

Zeemaid

Let it Snow, let it snow, let it snow

"Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful...something, something, something... let it snow, let it snow."

Okay, I don't know all the words but you get my drift. That's our yard. It snowed yesterday but by evening it was gone. It started again this afternoon and now our yard looks like this. I LOVE the snow. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Everyone else... they HATE it. It's so beautiful. It's peaceful, it's serene, it's hours of entertainment for the kids. I just don't like to drive in it. I think I'm okay, it's just the other crazies you have to worry about. HAH! Seriously we get snow so rarely where I live that it just about causes people to go into a panic when the first flakes start to fall. Our employees call us up asking to close the store cause it's OMgoodness... SNOWING..... da da da daaaaa.... Yeah. We're lucky to get 5 inches.

So my beautiful darlings will have the thrill of a snow day tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it because it will be O's first experience playing in the snow. He missed out on the fun on Friday. I'm looking forward to getting him all bundled p into his snow suit and seeing him make snow angels. I just love all those firsts, seeing their little faces light up when they learn about something new.

Then we get to all come in and warm up with a nice cup of hot cocoa. E is already well trained. As soon as we come in from anything remotely cold activity, she asks for hot cocoa. I think her daddy's responsible for that. After all, he is the one that got her started on having to sit in front of the fire place after a bath to get warmed up and most recently he started warming up their towels in the dryer while they're having their bath. What a great dad, huh? What's a little pampering now and then. It's those little extra things that let them know we love them. Setting down routines and traditions are wonderful too. Some of my best childhood memories involve small little traditions like these so hopefully, we are paving the way for some fond memories for our children.

Downside is with the snow, if it keeps up I won't be able to get into the City to do Christmas shopping tomorrow. Always next week.

Cheers,

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

A Day at School

Well, today was a parent helper day at E's school. I managed to arrange with upstairs Nana to look after J and O so I could help out. I wasn't sure what to expect or how many other parents would make it. Let's face it, in this day and age so many families need both parents to work. It ended up pretty good though. Mrs. D wanted 10, we managed to have eight parents, 2 dads and 6 moms. So with 18 kids in the class it was a pretty good parent to kid ratio.

Oh, I forgot to mention what we were making. Gingerbread houses, er that is Graham Cracker house. It's amazing the things that teachers come up with. We basically took graham crackers and with royal icing stuck them to the side of a 250 ml milk carton. It worked perfect. The kids loved it and even the parents loved it. Amazingly enough the kids actually were pretty good about not eating the candy or the icing. Sure, I saw a few take a secret lick of their fingers and the odd sneak of a candy but over all they were pretty good.

We were asked to bring candy to decorate the houses. Well I think everyone was worried about not bringing enough because we had waaaaaaay too much. So it was pretty much a free for all the kids to see how much candy they could actually stick to their houses and when they were covered fell to actually decorating the paper plate it was on. I think, in their secret little hearts, they were probably thinking how they were going to get to eat all that candy at home. I have to admit I was eyeing some of those candies myself. One parent actually sent candy cane stripped hershey kisses. hoo boy.

It was great though. I actually got to meet a few of E's school mates and learn some of their names. You sure get to see how different the kids are. Some go right to it and decorate like mad little hatters, others are more like turtles, slow and steady.

I'll have to take a photo of her house and post it. Unless they've all eaten it while I'm at work. Since it's E's, she's quite free with giving out the candy on it. *L* Since I don't like gingerbread, these graham cracker houses look very yummy to me. Have you ever noticed that graham wafer crackers smell really good. They taste good too but not as good as they smell.

Anyways, it was a nice day. To top it off it snowed around lunch time and it was amazing to see how excited the kids get. As soon as enough snow was on the ground they were outside like a shot. The sad thing was O was having his nap so he never got to go out. Now it's raining and so no snow tomorrow. I would have liked to have taken his picture in the snow. Last year he was just a baby still. Sigh.. they grow up so fast. I looked at his Christmas photo last year and he was only 7 months old. I couldn't believe it. He's so big now I was thinking that had to be from 2 years ago but do the math. He's 19 months now but he seems very advanced for his age. Probably because of his 2 big sisters.

My one peeve of the day. E has a new snowsuit. It was on sale but still a splurge. So it's nice right. Nice enough that you almost, I said almost, don't want the kid to wear it because it will get dirty right. Course that's ridiculous why else do we buy them clothes? (But I'm sure you know what I mean) So she wears her snowpants for the first time in the snow. Does she just stick to playing in the snow? Oh no. Not my kids. She decides to go under the deck stairs and scrounge around on the gravel there and get thoroughly muddy, her pants and her gloves. Course the poor kid got the lecture. Mom spent good money to buy blah blah blah. Stupid really. Kids should be able to play. It's a good thing they aren't hung up on getting dirty or they'd have no fun at all. Fortunately, I threw her pants in the washer right away, threw every stain remover I had at it and it all came out clean.

That's all for now.

Cheers,

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

Are We Having Fun Yet?

E had her first Christmas concert yesterday. I have a feeling that my little star is destined for the stage one day. I know, I know, most parents feel their kids are talent and special. While I'm not certain how talented E is, she does have enthusiasm by the gallon.

Her kindergarten class sang Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. What's amazing is that E has never memorized a song in her life. Twinkle Twinkle little something something.. that's my E. But she managed, somehow, to learn Rudolph. I think it's mostly due to the amazing work of her teacher, Mrs. D. She loves to practice and would belt Rudolph anytime, anywhere. So when it comes Christmas concert time, I dress my little concerto up in a lovely new Christmas dress her Nana had made for her, did her hair and sent her off to her class while Nana and I make way to the gymnasium to find seats.

Now I wasn't sure what I was expecting..well that's not true. I was expecting the concert to be boring listening to children stumble their way through the standard old routines. I was pleasantly surprised when the Choir began to sing. Firstly, I was surprised by how well they sang and secondly I was surprised to learn that the Elementary school even had a choir. They didn't even have a proper stage.

So it was sweet to listen to them and they actually sung Carols we really hadn't heard before. It is a little sad though to see how much effort the school system has to go through to make sure that there is no references to Christ at all.

Then finally it was my tikes turn to sing. I see her teacher and then her class march up to the platform and they lined up to sing. Well, where was E? Where was my little princess all dolled up in her pretty dress? Did they forget her in the classroom? No, the fat pudgy one at the end of the line dressed up in a red suit with a beard was E. My mom and I howled. She was adorable. That's my E. Striving at all times to be different. She wasn't content to just wear reindeer antlers. No, not E. If there's dress up involved, she's your man er gal.

Apparently when the teacher brought out the costume, E raised her hand enthusiastically. She wanted to be Santa. She was the taller and plus.. dropping her voice... she can speak really low... Ho ho Ho. Well the teacher about cracked up. So E was Santa. So much for her pretty dress but she had fun with a capital F.

So what that she likes to sing louder than everyone else. So what if she doesn't get all the words right. She has enthusiasm galore and sometimes that's all it takes. So like I said, I can easily picture her headed for the stage one day. Most likely... as a comedian.

Cheers,

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

Are We Done Yet?

*Content warning: description of labour/delivery. Not for the faint of heart *L*

Are we done yet. I refer, of course, to having children. I chuckle as I type this. A month ago I was adamant that we were done. Finito. While I enjoyed being pregnant, I dreaded each delivery.

The last was the worst. My son was 12 pounds when he was born and yes I delivered him "naturally", screaming all the way. When I was initially in labour, sweat broke out on my lip and the nurse actually said to me, "you poor thing, trouble is, you know what's coming". Not only that, my blood pressure had been spiking and I had all the tell tale signs of First syndrome. Something very dangerous to both the baby and myself. Of course, they never keep you fully drugged either. I had an epi with the first which actually caused me to relax so my labour could progress but when it wore off..... *bleep* and my 2nd, I was too late. My husband figured I had a ways to go so he drove SLOW. Can you believe it? He's been apologizing to me ever since.

But the third... well that one was a kicker. Kicker pain that is. They'd let the epi wear off and then I knew it'd be another 20 or so minutes before the anesthesiologist would get there. (that's how it works in our hospital). O wouldn't turn and so the doctor said he'd give me more drugs and get an obstetrician in to help turn the baby etc. He left to make the calls when the nurse showed me a different breathing technique. Well I tried it and next thing you O turned and he was coming.

Bad thing was, he got stuck. They had me flipped five ways from Sunday and compressed so I couldn't breathe as they tried to manually force me to continue to push him out. Dr. B was all set to break little O's shoulder to get him out when he finally did come out. But he was so blue. I remember looking at my mom and K and seeing tears run down their faces while I'm struggling to catch my breath. What's wrong, I asked. My husband would wipe his tears and smile at me saying nothing honey, push. What would you think at that? I thought the worst... that my baby was stillborn.

Fortunately, he wasn't. He was mostly blue because of how much bruising he had undergone from being stuck and my strong contractions. He was a little short of oxygen but tests later showed that he still had enough. He ended having to stay in the nursery and had a heart murmur. His shoulder wasn't broken but he was unable to move one arm. Fortunately that resolved itself within 2 weeks. My son is now 18 months old and very very healthy but it still brings tears to my eyes when I think of it.

Phew what a long tale to make a point but I think it gives a clearer picture of why we were pretty much done having kids. That and my mom would probably have a great big cow if we had another one. She made no bones about her opinions on that front. Don't get me wrong, she loves my kids and me for that matter, she just doesn't think we should add to our stress etc.

Not that that would greatly deter us if we were set on having more... Although I do have a complicated relationship with my mom and still at 37 try and seek her approval. ARGHHH.

Anyways to get back to what I was saying. I've been having troubles with my cycles and this last one I've figured out I'm on like day 47. So that's pretty long right. I've had long cycles before but not that long. The only thing is that I know K and I have been very careful so I pretty much knew that the chance of me being pregnant was Zero. Still, it niggles at you. I told K and he thought immediately that I was joking. So several days go by. Still no period. Finally, I make him buy me a test. Turns out negative... like I thought but I have to admit I was disappointed. Before I even said anything, K looked at the test and said "it's negative, eh? That's disappointing." Well, you could have floored me. Turns out he had been thinking of it in a positive light. Maybe we'd get a brother for O. He just was more worried about my health with it etc.

Crazy,eh? Especially when we keep saying to ourselves that we are almost there, you know past the difficult baby years. We're almost done with diapers, sleepless nights, terrible twos, being tied down by nap times.

So I just don't know. Maybe if I can get my blood pressure in check, lose some weight, just maybe we might try again after O's 2. Wow. What an idea. It's either that or our close friends have to have a baby (You know who you are LC & KC) and it will be out of my system for good because I'll get to cuddle theirs. Let's cross our fingers on that one.

How many do you want?

Cheers,

Zeemaid
In the Mommy Trenches

So Much to Talk About

Ever have one of those days? There is just too much going on, too many things you could talk about.


It's been like that for me for the past couple of days. I've just been too busy to get online and post anything. Kid's will do that to you... keep you busy.


The hottest topic, here in Canada at least, is the NDP and Liberals forming a Coalition supported by Bloc Quebecois. Now I don't care who you voted for. Last I looked, we live in a Democracy. The majority of Canadians voted in the Conservatives just this past October so there should be no way that the opposition parties should be able to form a coalition to force the Prime Minister to step down. Why? Because they've lost confidence in Harper. Why? Because we're supposedly headed for the worst recession in years and Harper is doing nothing to help alleviate it.

First of, just because the U.S. is having problems doesn't mean that we will. Weeks before and after the Federal Election I have heard economists say that Canada is doing just fine. Our banks were stricter in their guidelines and practices etc.. so we won't see a lot of the same bankruptcy issues going on like in the U.S. That yes, there will be a fall out from the U.S. having difficulties but Canada's economy is strong. Now we have Stephane Dione saying economists are afraid for our country etc and is trying to stir up fear in Canadians. That guy is so boring to listen to talk to.

I agree that there may be a time when such a coalition is necessary, but I would say this is not it. #1, we just voted in the federal election. #2: they've barely given the new gov't a chance to settle in and get to work before they start in the whole no confidence thing.

I also don't understand who two separate parties, with different ideals and platforms could possible unite. How would they work it....NDP gets to bring in x amount of policies in return for the Liberals bringing in x amount of policies? Makes no sense to me.

The kicker is that even celebrities from the U.S. are putting their two bits in. Specifically, Donald Sutherland. I saw him on the news and he said they were successful in getting rid of Bush so hopefully Canada will do the same with our prime minister. Right, they got rid of Bush. I seem to recall that Bush has served two terms and was not "gotten rid of".

As you can probably tell from this post, I'm not that up on politics but obviously I do have an opinion. I think you have to weed through all the crap and get back to the basics. It's not like Harper has been caught doing something illegal.

My two cents,

Cheers,

Zeemaid

*P.S. This post is not meant to reflect negatively on the U.S. in any way and I can sincerely say that I feel for those of you who are struggling financially etc. right now because of the recession.

I Shrug My Shoulders

I shrug my shoulders. So what. Everyone shrugs their shoulders, I know. For me though it's one of those little things I do when I'm annoyed at my husband. It's not a silent up yours or even a "whatever". It's a I'm annoyed but I really shouldn't be or I'm annoyed but this is it's not worth fighting about so I'm gonna keep my mouth shut kind of shrug. Wow. Who knew we had so much in our body language, right?

It could be a "whatever or up yours" kinda shrug but it's not. It's just what I do instead of saying all those things you really shouldn't say. Kind of like counting to 10 before you open your mouth and put your big ol size 10's in it. Now I have heard of couples that drive each other crazy with these little quirks and instantly get all fired up when they see their spouse do it but I don't think K even realizes that I do this. If he does, he has enough tact to just let it go. (He does fire up at eye rolling though. How many times have you had to say "What.. I wasn't rolling my eyes, I just happened to glance up that's all" *L*)

What do you do when you're annoyed? Do you just let him have it? Is he happy? Are you happy?

Now I am all for justice. I hate to lose an argument when I know I'm right and I mean when I am actually right not just think I'm right. If I have the facts in hand, I want people to know the truth. I want to be vindicated. Course that's not my job. That is actually God's job. But darn it, I want vindication now. And that goes doubly so for my husband.

However, it doesn't always feel good winning. Especially when it's at the cost of a lot of arguing with your spouse. He may bow down and say I'm right but what have I really accomplished? Have I not perhaps done more damage by pushing the issue? I'm not saying that you have to lay down and let him walk all over you, stroke his ego 24/7 etc. Not at all, but is it really worth arguing over who does more housework, who ate the last piece of pie, who made the bed last, who does more laundry, care for the children more, has a harder time of it... etc. etc. etc. Does it really matter, are we not a team working together towards one common goal?

Recently I gained a valuable tip on re-reading Little Women. Marmee was trying to help Jo with her temper and shared how she, herself, is angry every day of her life. What she would do was close her mouth firmly and even sometimes just leave the room for a minute until she was over it. I liked this idea for I am often angry with my children. It served as a reminder to me that we as the adults are to check our emotions. We're so caught up with ourselves and our feelings these days that we forget that it's not healthy to our children to just let it all out all the time. We need to learn to deal with emotions properly in order to properly teach our children how to deal with them.

So, when I'm angry it has helped for me to remember this. Pressing my lips together actually does help to remind me that I need to have patience and stops me from being quick to anger.

The other tip I learned from this book was to be the first to apologize. If he won't do it, don't wait. Don't let resentment and bitterness brew between you. Be the first to apologize. More often than not, both parties were in the wrong. By doing this you are helping smooth the way to better communication and even a better marriage. How often have you said sorry and he's immediately backed down and apologized himself?

This post does not in any way advocate men's dominance over women etc. They are actually... dare I call them principles (?) that you can lay down in any relationship that you may have. This world would be a better place if people would relax and try to get along more.

So, I shrug. What do you do?

Cheers

Zeemaid

** to any one reading this... sorry if I come off preachy in this. I really tried not to but I wanted to put my thoughts to paper so to speak and am not sure how much sense I'm making.***

I'm still waiting

I'm still waiting for O to settle down and get back into his regular sleep pattern. It will be almost two weeks since he's started this sleep issue and no amount of tactics can seem to mend the problem. We had one successful night on Sunday. K had no problem putting him down and when we awoke at 7:30 a.m. we were both high fivin each other that he'd actually slept the entire night.

So we were pretty much counting on a repeat performance on Monday. Nope. It took several attempts to just get him down and then, of course, he woke up screaming during the most intense part of a movie we were trying to watch. So, I finally had to tell K and our friends to go ahead and finish the movie without me because I knew that it was going to take awhile. I ended up sitting in his room for an hour, trying not to fall asleep, before I could make an exit. Then at 4 a.m. I ended up sleeping in the rocker in his room for the rest of the night.

Thanks to those with the suggestions and/or comments. While previously, I hadn't thought he was having night terrors, last night he definitely was having one. I couldn't settle him down for at least 10 minutes. I'm not sure if he knew me because he did let me hold him he just wouldn't stop crying and wouldn't even take a bottle. The second time he woke up was purely separation anxiety. He wants to know we are there. No idea where this is coming from. He has from birth been the easiest baby to put to sleep. I have worked evenings since he was about 7 months old so that's nothing new. The only new thing is that I have recently cut back one night a week and suddenly I'm home an extra night each week.

We did have him babysat once by a family friend whereas usually he's babysat by nanas and papas. Oh and upstairs Nana and Papa went to Vancouver a week ago. Which does sort of coincide with them going. He was difficult to put to bed the night before they left but slept through. He hasn't slept through since. Fortunately, they are coming home tonight.

UPDATE: I just called home and Nana and Papa had just gone upstairs. O didn't have much to do with them at all. Which means, according to my sixth sense mommy knowledge, he's mad at them for being gone so long. Normally he'd be all over Papa. He's definitely a "papa boy".

I remember when I went away for 2 weeks when my nephew was a baby he was so mad at me he wouldn't look at me the whole evening I got back. I was crushed because he was my favourite little guy.

So hopefully now that he's seen them, maybe it will help his sleep. I don't know. I'm grasping at straws at this point. As you can imagine, particularly from my last post, that we are running the entire gamet of the rollercoaster of emotions. I'm getting a little better, more resigned to just toughing it out. If I have to, I'll sleep on his floor. At least I'm getting some sleep. So even though I didn't get to bed until after 12:00, slept from 4 to 6:30 in a rocker and have been managing the whole show at home, taking kids to school (walking btw), picking them up and now am at work, I am still managing to end my day off positively.

At this point... that's a good thing, no that's a ruddy miracle.

Cheers,

Zeemaid

Another note from In the Mommy Trenches

*I "borrowed" this photo from mommy at my mommy's place photostreatm. http://flickr.com/photos/58386103@N00/2469359261/ I'm not sure what the whole etiquette thing is for borrowing photos etc. I try not to borrow things that people are using in their blogs etc because hey, let's try and be a little original here but sometimes it's just hard to find something that fits. So hopefully, no one out there is annoyed and if they are, let me know and I will gladly remove it. I'd like to get one of those mugs though and this t-shirt from www.CafePress.ca

although I think it should say... I'm not stupid, just Sleep Deprived *L*