; window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);} gtag('js', new Date()); gtag('config', 'UA-6252405-9'); In the Mommy Trenches: November 2008

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Dark Day

I lost my temper. Let me just get that out of the way as I am sitting here, at work, filled with remorse. I am sure I can find many excuses for doing so. I'm sleep deprived, O would still not sleep through the night. I was stressed at the moment.. the hood fan going, O crying and pushing at me as I am trying to dish out supper and prevent him from burning himself on the oven, E is crying, kicking and screaming and thrashing the walls on the stairway in her time out spot. I disagreed with K about the time out, thought he was being ridiculous about it. He had just literally walked in the door and already he's losing it and handing out time outs. Now, when I'm trying to get dinner on the table so I can go to work after. Plus, that kind of whiny crying makes me go crazy. I want to pull my hair out.

But the fact remains I, the adult, lost it. Said some things I shouldn't have to both my child and my husband. My husband walked out, he was so mad. Of course, he didn't go far, just went to the shop and sorted out the recycling but I was still a little worried but more still mad. Dinner didn't end up being served by me (I was so close to dumping the entire meal in the garbage, fortunately maturity prevailed). O sensed the tension and suddenly mommy was the only one that would do and it didn't include sitting at the table. That suited me, I grabbed his bottle and cuddled him on the couch till he was satisfied. He kept looking at me as to make sure I was still there. Not sure why but I guess kids are just more in tune with things that you think.

So stubborn me didn't eat supper and left as soon as it was my time to go with a quick goodbye. Part of me is still mad but part of me, the bigger part, knows that sometimes you have to just suck it up and get over it. I know when I go home my husband will have forgotten all about it while I may still be a little resentful.

Yet another difference between men and women. Women have minds like a microchip, we remember every little thing that goes on, every look, every word that was said. Men, forget everything and quite honestly most of the time have no clue as to what you are talking about. "Gee honey, what argument did we have about the laundry?" This is actually a good thing. You see K will have gotten over the fight and put it from his mind but me, 5 hours later will still be simmering about the "injustice of it all". Yeah, yeah, a little over dramatic but that's us women, drama, drama, drama.

That doesn't mean that I don't wish it all undone. Can't help but think what a sucky way for K to come home and have the whole house explode around him. We're supposed to be on the same team but sometimes it's just hard for us moms to step back and let the dad parent. K backs me up every time and even though he was extremely pissed at me, he still had E come and apologize to me for her behaviour on the stairs. So kudos to him for that.

One thing I have learned in the past 10 years of marriage and 5 plus years of parenting, is that you have to forgive, forget and get back on that horse and keep on working at it. I am not the most patient person in the world, as can be testified by this post today, but I do see the fault and I am trying to get the better of it. Some days are just better than others and I can thankfully say that these days, like today, are getting less.

So tomorrow, I will dust myself off and get back in the saddle. Thank God, my kids and husband love me and are very forgiving.

In the mommy trenches

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Just When You Think You've Got It Figured Out.

Just when you think you have it all figured out, life throws you a curve ball. O, normally a dream baby sleeper, has suddenly decided he doesn't want to sleep by himself. He has been for almost a week now, subjecting us to daily night terrors of screaming, getting up almost every 2 hours and not going down easy at all. We took him to the doctor's thinking he must be sick. Nope. As the doctor said, there is no easy solution.

However, last night K found a giant hive on his leg and today when he got up from his nap he had two massive hives on the backs of his calves. We took him back to the doctor's and he says either he's having an allergic reaction or he has something viral causing it. We are hoping that this, whatever it is, is causing the night time problems. We are about to go batty because neither of us is getting uninterrupted sleep. I have done some research online and have found it a re-occuring theme for 18 month olds. The suggestions (which are few and far between) range from letting them cry it out to putting them into a big kid bed.

Yeah I can just picture that, putting O in big kid bed and then having to deal with him getting up a hundred times. And crying it out doesn't work with him, he cries so hard he pukes. We've had to change his sheets 3x in one night. YUCK!!!

We've given him some antihistimine tonight and while it was difficult putting him down, he is now asleep and hopefully stays asleep.

I seem to recall when J went through this at 18 months. Our solution at that time was to put E in her room. They now share a room. This won't work for O because J wouldn't be content to stay in her bed while E was somewhere else. She doesn't like to miss out on all the fun.

It just makes life more difficult having to stumble around through it sleep deprived. It does not make for a patient mommy I can tell you that. I just about lost it yesterday afternoon when E came and told me she had lost her tooth. I had let her take it on Monday to class. She took good care of it but I, got busy, and forgot to take it out of her backpack. So yesterday, she took it out at school and was playing with it. Somehow she lost it. I cried and cried and cried. I was so upset. It was her first tooth. It doesn't look like we will be able to find it either. K was pretty upset too.

Well, we will see what happens and see if I ever get some sleep.


In the Mommy Trenches

Friday, November 21, 2008


Do you have a favourite child? I don't. Or, at least I don't think I do. Subjectively, I can look at all 3 of my children and feel that I love them all equally.

Having said that, I find so often that I cater to E (the oldest) first. To clarify, she's often the one that gets first pick whether it's snack, movies or even what colour of cup she drinks from. If we have two cups and one is pink, I usually give her the pink one. Why is that? Is it because I've been with her 2.5 years longer than J and so I'm more in tune with her wants, likes and dislikes more? I don't know. It's either that or I know she will kick up the biggest stink if she gets thwarted. Not to say E gets her own way all the time. Since I am aware of it, I do try and make sure I'm being fair to J. (O's not really on the radar for this yet because a) he's a boy and b) he's still fairly little).

Take J's birthday for example. Her birthday is coming up soon. We have been having the hardest time shopping for a present. What does she want? She's turning 3 and so all we've actually heard her say is she wants one of those small laptop type computers. Fine. That's easy. But what else? We walked down the toy aisles rejecting idea after idea because the toy would be so cool that E would want one to and we could foresee sharing issues. In other words, E would take over. How stupid is that? J can't get a cool toy because of E? For Christmas, we have literally bought two of everything.

So finally, we decided to buy her a dollhouse for her birthday. I'm realizing that even this is a compromise. It's a cool toy but it's one that's obviously going to be shared between the girls. Lucky O will never this problem. Of course, lots of boy toys are pretty cool too but I can tell you we probably will never not buy him something because of his sisters.

Is this playing favourites?

In analyzing this little phenomenon, I have come to the realization that up until J turned 2 and a half, she didn't have a preference. She has now found her little voice and is finally speaking up and letting me know what she wants. Up until this point, it was easy to cater to E because J just didn't care if she got the blue or the pink cup. I think supernanny would call that "accidental parenting". You know where you set up a precedent that you really didn't mean to and now have to fix. Yii. Poor E, yet something else she will have to adjust to.


In the Mommy Trenches

All I want for Christmas... is my two front teeth?

E came to me today utterly excited. "Mommy, Mommy, I have a loose toof". My first instinct was to ask whether she had bumped her mouth on anything as all three of them had been creating a racket on the stairs. I checked out her mouth and yup, it was loose alright. My baby girl is on her way to loosing her first tooth. Tears instantly sprung to my eyes as I gave her a big hug and told her in a somewhat watery voice.. "how exciting, you're losing your very first tooth." She quickly agreed with me and excitedly spent the next ten minutes by my side as I cooked supper telling me about her day and how she first discovered it was loose at school.

It was a lovely moment. I was able to continue my supper preparations and still spend a few minutes alone with my girl. Something we do not get to do very often anymore since J stopped her afternoon naps. It was sweet to see how excited she was over losing a tooth. Her first thoughts, of course, was sharing this with daddy when he got home and sure enough as soon as he walked through the door she told him. Daddy got down on one knee so he'd be at her level and still with his bags in his hands, coat on and the door still open behind him, he checked out her tooth. He congratulated her, gave her a big hug and as our eyes met over her head he made a sad face at me. I tell you it brought tears to my eyes again. How silly am I? I never cried when I dropped her off at kindergarten for the first time, yet I cry over her first loose tooth?

It's such a big milestone. Symbolising the advent from babyhood into childhood. All too soon we will be facing many more of those milestones. I just pray that I will be able to face each one with grace and wisdom.

Will I cry when J gets her first loose tooth. Maybe, maybe not. I love all my children with all my heart but there is a special bond with the first one. They are after all the only child you will give birth to that you get to have that one on one, 24 hours a day, seven days a week kind of time together.


In the Mommy Trenches

P.S. Of course, E is all excited about a visit from the tooth fairy. How on earth did she figure out so quickly that you get a present from the tooth fairy. Do they absorb this stuff by osmosis?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Facebook and Reunions

FACEBOOK. I have always considered myself to be a fairly technological gal. When the internet first made a big splash in the 90's, I bought myself a computer and promptly learned all the ins and outs of chatting online. It was great. Suddenly I was a confident and witty conversationalist. What a perfect setting for those of us that sometimes put out foot in our mouths. Until online chatting went RT, we actually got a chance to think about what we were going to say before hitting that send button.

Having said that, I got married and in my view marriage and chatting online DO NOT go hand in hand. Why else do men and women chat online in chatrooms? To meet members of the opposite sex! Or not opposite as the case may be. There is always the exception of gamers etc... who are online gaming. I went online to chat with guys. Yeah, I made some great girl friends online but primary interest was hey.. the guys. I got married, there was no reason for me to chat online.

Then came children. That lengthy online pregnancy journal that was updated almost daily soon was only updated once a week, then once a month... you get the picture. Life is just too busy to keep up online.

So when I finally can lift my head up from all the chaos, I am dazed by all the new rages. Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, RSS feeds... say what? That facebook stuff is not for me, I say. I'm content to just be blissfully unaware of it and continue my shallow little internet life. Not too deep, just on the surface of technology. Who would I facebook anyways? My friends and family are all around me.

Then the rumours of the next high school reunion start and my sis tells me that her husband's entire reunion was planned online through Facebook. I'll admit I'm curious. I don't even really want to go to the next reunion but I sign up anyways just to see who's on there. So I set my profile, carefully joining the appropriate groups just so I'm sure to be seen. I see a few people from school but, (and here's the kicker) I don't even request any friends. I sit back and wait to see if anybody notices me and if any of them requests me as a friend. There is very little action at first and then one by one I start to get more and more friend requests. Unfortunately, the first was from a brother of a friend and I did NOT want him on my list but what can I do, I don't want to offend the guy.

The funny thing is.. that out of 14 friend requests only ONE sent me a personal message. I started get these friend requests and I thought hey cool but then there was no conversation, no how's it going, haven't seen you in years type thing. Nothing. Not only that, I had one who I know did not like me in school (I dated his friend) and he sent me a friend request. What's up with that? My husband says, "honey, it's been almost 20 years." Yeah, I know but if you didn't like me then would you suddenly develop fond memories of me now? I don't think so. I said yes.

I think it's the most bizarrest thing that people would WANT to add me to their friend list but not actually connect with me. Does that make sense to you? It doesn't to me. You could say, why don't I send messages myself and you'd be right. I could do that but this started out as a little experiment. You see it's been 19 years since high school. I went to the 10th and had an okay time but I just couldn't seem to connect with anyone.

Part of the reason for this was that I had spent my grade 11 year in Europe and when I came back I had changed a lot and found it difficult to relate to my old friends. Add to this that my husband worked for one of my old friend's husband and had taken them to labour relations over a dispute. By the time the reunion happened, I had just gotten married and she apparently had not gotten over it. So the whole click of friends I used to hang out with, gave me a somewhat cold shoulder.

There is like maybe one person I actually see on a somewhat regular basis (if you can call every couple of months so, regular) and for the rest I could really care less. I felt saddened by this thought because I know so many other people that look forward to seeing their old friends. If someone from school actually tried to connect with me, then it might actually refresh my memory a little and make me want to go.

At the moment, I am leaning towards going but I'm still not ready to commit. Should I go?

In the Mommy Trenches

Friday, November 14, 2008

Romance and Passion

I haven't had much of a chance lately to work on my story. I did pull up a page the other day and liked what I had read. It's suprising, isn't it, that we are own worst critics. When I am writing I struggle over every sentence. I know what my story should be about I just falter in getting it down line by line. I keep searching for a better more clever way of saying what is quite often just the mundane. Yet, when I look back at it after some time away, I realize that it's not bad writing. I would almost not recognize that those words came from me.

Sometimes though, I feel that I should give up my reading. If I put as much time into my writing as I do my reading, I'd be published by now. I LOVE to read. I am passionate about reading and many days if it wasn't for reading, I don't think I'd make it through these mommy days sane. My husband is always teasing me about how much I read. Sometimes, I can finish a novel in two or three days. No, my kids are not neglected but sometimes my housework is. I just am creative in how I get my breaks. When we are having quiet time and my daughter picks a movie, I read. When I'm stirring soup in the pot, I read. When I'm going potty.... I read. *L*

I will be very sad the day that my two youngest stop napping because it will probably be the end of afternoon tea and a book. Occasionally, I do feel that this is a problem in my life yet when you are so ingrained in these kinds of habits, it's hard to imagine giving them up. I digress though.

The reason why I thought maybe I should stop reading was that sometimes you get caught up in other people's stories that it's hard to think of your own. Kind of like watching too much t.v. makes your imagination rusty. I may actually be curbing the creative flow in me. Do you think that could be true? I wonder.

The other thing about reading that is starting to bug me is the sex. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful sex life with my husband (yes, honey you can gloat) and I'm definitely not disappointed in that area. It's just that sex in novels are so over the top. We're talking the average novels here, too like Nora Roberts etc. When I was younger I would read harlequins and dream of the day when a man would passionately pull me into his arms and devour me.

Now almost 10 years married, the passion is actually better than it ever was in the beginning, but there is no way my husband is ever going to throw me over his shoulder and stride off into the bedroom and ravish me. I'd feel silly and more likely to be concerned about his back. Neither is he going to let's say throw me over the "edge" with just one touch. (Sorry Honey).

If that happens in your relationship then I say WOW, you go girl! But from what I gather from most women I know, they don't experience that kind of romp in the hay. Many women lead very satisfied sex lives but do they really live it romance novel style? (If you do, let me know)

Do we really need these vivid sex scenes? Does it not make your life seem somewhat inadequate? (Who really does it 5 times a night?) Can your man really live up to the standards set in these novels? So why is it that we feel we need to read this stuff or have it written for us in this way. Is it just that the writer is using creative license in putting more colour and feeling into it? You tell me?

For me, I want the romance of it, the wining and dining, the two lovers meeting, overcoming the obstacles together and finally getting together. I really don't care if they wait till the last page to have sex. All I want is to witness their first kiss, that's romantic in my book. Save the rest of it for the bedroom, their bedroom. The one we're not usually invited in. I rather go live my own sex life thank you very much.



In the Mommy Trenches
***BTW the picture I used in this post is from a book called "Claiming the Highlander" I couldn't figure out who the author of the novel is but I "borrowed" the picture from.. www aromancebook.us Thanks.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Just My Opinion

We had dinner with friends the other day, KC and LC. It was a lovely dinner btw and it was very nice when after we put the kids to bed we got to sit around and talk. We all have some history together that goes back at least 15 years. So it was fun reminiscing some of the events in our lives. Sometimes when we get together we focus on the negative and only the negative things that have happened. However, while we did touch on the negative, we did a lot of remembering of some pretty funny stuff that happened. (you had to have been there). So it was nice. Nothing like good friends to share with.

Anyways, I digress. We had gotten talking and I had mentioned some opinions I had regarding a couple of kids movies we had seen lately. It was then that LC said maybe I should do movie reviews. What a great idea. I have owned a video store for the past five years and it never occurred to me to review movies before. Just the idea of having to review movies every week was overwhelming. But why not just kid or family movies.

So that's what I'm doing. I've started up a new blog and I'm pretty excited about it. I've been trying to get in as many reviews as I can so if people do read it, they have more than just one film to check out.

It's as difficult as I thought it would be. Not only do I have to come up with a plot synopsis (I do try not to copy the back of the DVD case) but you also have to come up with interesting descriptive phrases to describe the movie. By my third review I felt like I was being very redundant. My kids, I am sure, are not thrilled with mommy as I tried to write my reviews up today. Just because they look like they are occupied with their toys doesn't mean that I can possibly take some time to myself. It's the old nobody needs mom until she gets on the phone trick!

If anything its an exercise in putting my thoughts down on paper (or screen) of what I thought about it. I am sure it's good practice for when I eventually do get to write my great Canadian novel. You just never know.

BTW LC managed to get me a copy of some novel writing software (THANK YOU SO MUCH) so hopefully, I will get the time and a chance to use it.

Tomorrow is back to school. We just had a blissful four day weekend. You know I didn't realize how much I missed not having get up and be somewhere in the morning. These last two days have been just lovely. I even managed to sleep in a little because the kids were busy playing this a.m. So I just know that tomorrow is going to be difficult. With all the rain we've been having I've been driving but I feel bad because there's this single mom down the road without wheels and she has no choice but to walk. I give her a ride when I can but between her kids and my kids, we don't all fit unless nana looks after two of mine. So I hope tomorrow is nice enough to walk so we can walk together.

Till I write again,


"Just another day in the mommy trenches."

Monday, November 10, 2008

Halloween Is Over HURRAH!

I think only the parents of small children can truly appreciate how much we eagerly look forward to these fun holidays and just as eagerly breathe a sigh of relief when they are over.

First you spend the whole week explaining to them that "no, it's not halloween yet". You're still cheerful at this point, making Halloween decorations, gleefully letting them use sparkles on their bat crafts so they're more eerie, being charmed by how cute they look in their costumes.

We look for fun family activities to take them to so we're doing things as one big happy family. So we decide to forgo our usual hour long drive to go the pumpking mountain (which is really just a market with a mountain of pumpkins out front) and decide to take them to a local farm where you pick your own pumpkins. Sounds great. We show up early to beat the crowds. It was a rare sunny Saturday so it turns out we were a little too early as the kids had to wait for them to get themselves set up (even though we were there just a 1/2 hour after opening.) This is, of course, AFTER we've $30.00 to just get inside. Okay, so it's a farm and the kids got to look at the animals and got a pony ride but really, $30.00??????? I know a farmer has to make a living too but it was pretty hard for us to shell out that kind of money when that didn't even include the pumpkin. We had to pay another $4.00 per pumpkin for that privilege. On the other hand the kids did enjoy it and we did manage to pick out three relatively nice pumpkins.

The funny thing to note was the Pacific Produce truck that pulled up while we were there (this was, of course, while we were waiting for the wagon to take us to the patch) to deliver, and get this, a load of pumpkins. So we didn't even "really" pick the pumpkins. We just sorta picked them up out of the patch. *LOL* Okay, that's what the farmer's wife meant when she said that she was hoping some pumpkins would magically appear. Truth be told we had a weird spring and summer so nothing grew really well this year. But the irony was priceless.

So we made it through the week tempers in tact. We even made it through the big day to the evening with little trouble. The trouble arose,however, once we actually started trick or treating. Did you know you have to NAG your kids to go from house to house trick or treating? I mean aside from the usual reminders "what do you say.... thank you".... blah blah blah. I had to coerce, push, prod and all but pull my oldest to continue on to the next house.

Not that she didn't want to be doing this, she just had in her mind what house she wanted to go to. Now us parents, we like to do things all orderly. Let's go down this side of the street first, when we get to the corner we'll cross and then come back up. Sounds simple, Right? A good plan, right? Well not to a five year old who apparently wanted to go to the "trick house", which as we figured it out was on the other side of the street. We should have just gone across the road and gone there but oh, no, we had to stick to the PLAN. Because, of course, by the time we got to the "trick" house we found out that that was the house that sold this year and the "tricky" people no longer live there. BIG disappointment. So my kids really didn't end up with much candy at all. If we weren't looking for the "trick" house, then E would refuse to go to any houses that were "boring". Homes without decorations, just lights.

The cute thing was my son, O, who was a puppy this his first halloween, trick or treating that is. He really tried to say thank you and trick or treat in his baby voice so it was adorable. And J, after warming up at the first house, was pretty bold in going up to each door and saying her line. Too precious.

After all the fun, we put O to bed and left him with his Nana while we took the little ones up to a bonfire at my brother's. We did the whole fire works thing and everything. E had lots of fun because there were other little kids there. Poor J fell head first into her black mud hole. She was smeared with thick mud from head to toe. Her poor abby cadabby costume was covered. I had to strip her down to her leggings only to find that Ihad left the spare bag with clothes for them at home. So I ended up bundling her up and sitting with her for the rest of the evening. She was that SAD at getting her costume dirty.

The funny thing about my kids is that they are very much into routines. We rarely break them and keep them up late, honestly, it's too much of a treasure to have time to ourselves for us to mmiss their bedtimes. Given that we found out just how hard it is for them. It's going on 9:30 and my brother is lighting of fire works when E, the five year old, suddenly tells my mom that she wants mommy and to go home in her own bed. Wow. J thankfully went to Nana so I could take care of E. Well, no matter of coercion would work, I could not convince her to stay for five minutes longer. She didn't care about fire works, hot dogs or playing. She was tired, she was done in and that was it let's go home to bed. So we did. She fell asleep in the van and the first words out of her mouth when we got her inside was "where is my bed". AND no they did NOT sleep in the next day. If only.

All in all we had a pretty good halloween. I like to hope we learned a few things though. Like being flexible. You don't have to stick to the plan. If we had of deviated from the plan and gone to the trick house first, we might have had more fun (and gotten more candy ;)~ ). Life is what you make it after all.

How about you? Were your youngsters happy trick or treaters? Were you relieved when it was all behind you for another year?
Cheers from the trenches,