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Friday, January 16, 2009

Too much negativity?

So you may have all noticed that I've been a little negative lately.  You'll see that from time to time. I go up and I go down.  Always have.  My mood swings are pretty amazing and by amazing I mean awful.  I've had problems with it since I was in my teens.  Most of the time I've got a pretty good handle on it but throw in children, work, selling a house, living with inlaws etc  and it often rears up it's ugly head, especially since I've had my third child. 

Looking back to 2007, I think I may have had a small case of postpartum depression.  Last year my swings were so bad I thought I was going to go bananas.  I never did tell hubby just how bad it was but I seriously wanted to go see the doc and get some happy pills.  Now that's not to minimize or belittle those with issues and those who take medication to help them stay balanced.  I'm just saying I was beginning to realize that I really needed help. The problem is with reaching out for help is that fear that people will think you are crazy and take your children away. 

That's when I started with the whole healthy living thing, food sensitivity testing etc. mentioned in posts from February through April 2008.   What I primarily found out... eating with food sensitivities costs a lot of money.  So much so that we had to discontinue it.  I couldn't afford to buying $5.00 loaves of bread every week on top of all the other  food that passes for gluten free etc.  Our grocery bill almost tripled and we just don't have the money for that. 

And one of those not taking time for me things... I'm lousy for getting in to see the doctor.  So I finally managed to make it, albeit with 2 kids so it was hard to really chat.  Long story short, I'm going to go on a progesterone pill.  My hormones are imbalanced and I have too much estrogen.  Case and point was when I could only get pregnant by using progesterone cream after going through infertility treatment.  

And No, we're not trying again.  I pretty much have realized that until I get my emotions under better control there was absolutely no way I should be adding to my stress by trying to have another baby.  Let's just keep the ones I already have happy and not subject them to an even more stressed out mommy.  

So I'm starting that pretty quick and hopefully it will help.  As the doctor says, that may not be the whole issue but hey even it's only 1/2, it will help.  I'm hoping so anyways and so is my husband and I'm sure my entire family.  They all hate my tears.  Did I mention I was a crier.  I cry over everything, which I hate.  

And having said all of that... yada yada yada, I have to say I was thrilled to see that I have four, count em 4, followers.  It really perked up my day to see that people actually did enjoy reading what I had to say despite some of my whining.  So thank you to those that follow and to those that take the time to leave comments.  I love the fact that by blogging I have become a part of a larger community. 

So a great big hug and thank you to all. 


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