; window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);} gtag('js', new Date()); gtag('config', 'UA-6252405-9'); In the Mommy Trenches: August 2010

Friday, August 27, 2010

Controlling my Blood Pressure

It's pretty hard to control your blood pressure when you have three young children but that's exactly what I need to do.  I went off my blood pressure medication several months ago mainly due to the fact that I never made an appointment to get a new prescription.  I'm having a hard time finding the time to see a doctor never mind a new doctor that I haven't met before.  I never really bonded with my last new doctor and so I have allowed my health issues to really spiral out of control. 

The last time I've had "the test" was 4 years ago when I found I was pregnant with O.  It's a good thing I've had three children or I probably wouldn't have submitted for "the test" in the last seven years.  I struggled with mood swings, irrational bouts of anger and anxiety and yet.... I've done next to nothing about it.  We pretty much figured it's the stress of having three kids under 5 (at the time) and hubby losing his job and us trying to sell our house and living with our inlaws for the past three years.  Yeah... that would do it.  So when my blood pressure elevated after I had O and never really came down again... we put it down to stress.

Now we're in our own home and while the move was stressfull, you'd think that the stress would be gradually wearing off.  How do you cope then with the every day stress of life?  Still, the hot weather has not helped and this past weekend my husband moved his video store to a new location, which meant that he's been hardly home for the last week.

So it should have come as no surprise when I felt a tightness in my chest as if I was losing my breath and a weird foggy, fainting sensation come over me while cleaning up after supper Monday night. What did amaze me was that nobody even noticed.  Later when I went upstairs I took my blood pressure and found that it indeed was high  154/108. 

I'm reluctant to go back on a prescription as one of the side effects is headaches.  It's pretty hard to want to interact with your kids or even want to exercise when your head hurts.  Plus, while the medication helped bring it down most of the time it still was a little too high.  So K went to the health food stood and bought me a bunch of natural stuff to try and lower it.

So far it hasn't helped much but I realize that it will take some time.  I have learned that lying down and taking deep breaths actually brings it down quite significantly.  Of course, as soon as I start getting more active it creeps up again.  Especially when I'm getting after the kids. 

But really how can I keep my temper and my blood pressure down when it seems like I literally have to sit in front of them and stare at them to get them to behave?  Last night I'm cleaning up after supper and hear a crash in the living room.  I discover J had been doing acrobatics on the coffee table and completely up ended it and herself. I'm surprised she wasn't hurt.  They've discovered a new trick of hanging over the edge of the pool and sticking their faces in the water, which no matter how many times I told them they weren't to do this, the minute my back was turned they were back doing it again.  They see no harm in it whereas I can visualize them leaning too far and getting themselves stuck face down in the water.  Before it was sufficient enough for the ladder to not be in the pool and they obeyed the rule that they weren't to step into the pool without one of us being in the back yard but now... like I said they don't think it's a big deal. 

Then E decided to paint. That's fine, she's 7.  I sit down on the couch try to relax only to find 15 minutes later that after she spent all the time putting the acrylic paints into the paint dish, she decided not to paint and left it for her brother and sister to paint... unsupervised, while she watched t.v.  J is 5 and O is 3.  The mess they created was neither little nor was it pretty.  I go from cleaning orange and blue paint which has now stained my table protector to having to clean up gobs of paint in the sink to cleaning O's face because he always insists on sticking felts, crayons, pens, paints etc in the vicinity of his mouth.  Yeah... momma was not happy.

And those are just some of the crazy things they do.  I'm proud that they are active, creative little beings but man oh man parenting these active little beings can be tough.  Still I shouldn't lose my temper so quick or so much and yelling never really does any good.  It seems pretty stupid to yell at the kids to stop yelling. 

All I can do right now is to try and keep calm, breath deeply and tell myself "this too shall pass". In another month or so I'm sure all this stress will be behind me.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I'm Telling Mommy

Don't you just hate it when you hear that?  I hate it even more when without even an attempt at working it out I hear the "MOM, blank won't give back my book or blank is touching me or blank is making a face at me".

It's amazing at times how powerless you can feel as a parent.  Or even how clueless you feel.  I really have no idea how to resolve the constant petty bickering. 

We actually had a practice session this week of what to do when someone pulls your hair or hits you. You tell your sibling to stop and then YOU MOVE AWAY.  Really, it's so simple.  Someone pulls your hair, do you just sit there and let them? No, you move away.  The victim doesn't realize that they have a choice too, they can choose not to let themselves get hurt.  Obviously that doesn't negate what their sibling is doing to them, but by moving away they are communicating probably more effectively with their body language that the behaviour, in this case hair pulling, is hurting and needs to stop. 

And by practice, I do mean practice.  E sat on the couch while I gently tugged her hair asking her what she is supposed to do.  It amazed me that even while I'm telling her that she needs to get up and walk away, it still took her a long time to do it.  I then turned to J and patted her, again gently, while asking her what she needs to do.  Again, it took her a while to actually get up and move away. 

I think I have reached the point this summer when I'm actually looking forward to school starting again.  We've had a great summer but you can always tell when you've hit that point and it's time to be doing something else. 

I will only have O at home during school hours come September 7th and I can already imagine how quiet it's going to be. 

Friday, August 20, 2010

Wives Say the Weirdest Things

We've been cursed blessed with unbelievably warm summer weather this year and as a result my feet are suffering.  I mean well and I really do try but somehow between showering, tweezing and getting dressed I run out of time for moisturizing and I usually end up with really rough and nasty looking feet.  Which I hate. 

So I've been trying my best to remember to moisturize even going so far as to buy new moisturizer that smells not only yummy (French Vanilla) but also has a convenient pump so I wont have to fumble with caps etc. 

Well that night I decided that I was going to really lather up my feet and wear a pair of socks to bed and hopefully wake up with soft feet.  So I lather my feet with cream, put on my socks and proceed to get ready for bed.  Of course, hubby is finished and already in bed waiting for me to complete my bathroom routine. 

As I shuffle by in my sock feet (I hate socks), I realize he was watching me and he had the look.  Ladies, I am sure you know what I mean by this.  I can't remember exactly what was said but somehow or other it was conveyed that he was feeling "frisky" to which I burst out with:

"But I've got my socks on!"

Well, that cracked us both up. I mean doesn't that just beat "I have a headache"?   Of course, he wants to know what is the big deal about socks and I'm like, I don't think I've ever done it with socks on.  I mean, gee, I'm not a guy if you know what I mean.  Although I'm sure it happened in our pre kid days when life was a little more spontaneous.

Of course, you never know but I might like having my socks on. That could be our new catch phrase... "oh honnnnney... I've got my socks on!".   I dare anyone to try and crack that code. (Anyone who hasn't read this blog, that is)

Like when we were first married we had this game where every time we said something at the same time one of us would try to say "Coke" before the other one.  Whoever said it first was owed a coke or in our case.. sex.  ;)   Of course, I probably owed him 100,000 cokes because really who could keep up with that? Still it gave us a giggle every time we were around other people to know we were playing this silly game and no one was the wiser.  Ah, we were so young once.

Still... I took my socks off.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I'm Not Trying to Be A Perfect Mother

As you may know I have been reading a couple of parenting books by Alyson Schafer called "Breaking the Good Mom Myth" and "Honey, I've Wrecked the Kids".  Both are very great books and definitely a helpful resource if you are having problems with getting your children to listen. 

One of the things that I read in the first book was about how we are not responsible for the relationship between the siblings.  In fact, if we are constantly interferring and refereeing their bickering and squabling we are actually damaging their relationships as well as setting up a winner and loser situation. 

I thought that was what I was supposed to do, evaluate the argument and then determine who was in the right and who was in the wrong.  Only how does that end up being fair when half the time you don't really see what happened?  Doesn't the oldest one generally end up being the fall guy er kid since they're the oldest and should know better?

(I may not have that exactly verbatim from the book as I don't have the book in front of me but that is the gist as how I understood it.)

So I said to myself,  I'm paraphrasing but you get the gist. 
"okay, I'm going to back off and let them fight it out, unless they get physical, and when they call to me to jump in and resolve for them I am going to be empathetic but tell them they need to work it out with each other."

And that's what I did.  What I wasn't expecting was the liberating feeling I got from backing off.  When  I heard the voices raised upstairs, I told myself to keep out of it, let them resolve it and I probably had the first peaceful day I had had in a long time.  It was amazing. Not that everything went perfectly smoothly, after all the kids have to learn how to resolve their conflicts with one another and since my oldest has turned into a little lecturing (gee,where did she get that from) I do find it particularly difficult to listen to her harangue the younger two over some infraction they've committed against her. 

And I have had to listen to E whine "work it out, work out" back at me and listen to her tell her siblings that "mommy doesn't care" because she sees my backing off as a lack of caring.  Still, I can see that it will be worth it in the long run.  After all, how many of us actually stop to consider that their learning to work together and resolve their problems now will benefit them when they are adults.  How often have you heard the phrase "conflict resolution"?  Well that's what these mini beings are learning from a very young age much like they are learning their ABCs.  Only if we rob them of the opportunities to learn by solving every little problem that arises, we are not doing them any favours. 

As for the rest of the book, I'm still working it out, trying to stumble my way through logical consequences, recognizing the attention seeker vs the power seeker and positive punishments but then I'm only half way through the second book.  We can't afford to buy new books these days and Alyson's books appear to be very popular.  I read part of her book and then had to surrender it back to the library for another anxious parent.  I only just got it back again being fifth down the list. 

My mom laughed at me when I started telling her about these books.  I thought she'd be supportive after all the first book talks about stepping back from trying to be the perfect mother.  But no, she said, "You will stress yourself out more reading all these books and trying to be the perfect parent." 

My response: "I'm not trying to be a perfect parent, I'm just trying to find some peace."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Follow Me, I'm Canadian Bloghop

Canadian,Blog Hop,150x150For the first time I've actually remembered to participate on Wednesday over at Canadian Mom's Follow Me I'm Canadian Bloghop.   I think it's an amazing opportunity to get out there and meet (read about) other Canadian bloggers. Who knows, maybe I'll discover someone who is local to me. 

So if you are from Canada and haven't heard about the Bloghop it happens every wednesday at Follow Me. I'm Canadian.

I haven't been posting a whole lot lately what with summer activities and moving my business and it's too bad my most recent post deals with me having a headache and being bummed out about my parenting abilities. Not exactly the best example of me but hey, it's real and that's what this is all about.  You can always check out my About Me page and Some of My Favourite Posts page.

Thanks for stopping by!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Randomness and a Headache

Random notes from my back porch journalling:  Friday, August 13, 2010 (yes, originally handwritten people... what a shocker!)

I have a headache to such a point that reading either on the computer or a book makes my eyes hurt. Being a mom though means I can't slouch back off to bed but take my notebook outside instead to supervise the children. 

Why is it that whenever you really want to exercise or do it right, you have your tiredest day where all you can think of or your greatest desire is to catch a few ZZZzs? And you're not a nap person.

I have realized that my headaches make me eat more and considering I have been suffering with migraines for the past couple of years, this is not a good thing.  It's like I am trying to eat away the pain. Tylenol doesn't work, Advil doesn't work, my subconscious brain thinks maybe it's a lack of food headache and that will help.  It never does.  I'm getting worried about my weight.

I am tried of people asking if I'm pregnant or when I'm due.  When I was pregnant people just thought I was fat.  Now that I'm just fat, people think I'm pregnant.  At J's dance camp an older lady made a comment to me completely out of the blue how she "bet I couldn't get down on the floor." (some of the moms were sitting around on the floor inside the dance studio).  It took me a few moments to figure out why she'd say that to me.  AS it occurred to me, I dropped y hands and tried to suck in my gut silently7 praying she wouldn't make any more obvious pregnant remarks in front of this room full of moms.  While my next thought was that if she did ask me when I was due, I was going to lie and tell her October. 

Some days I can laugh about it. Some days I cry.  This was just a cringe day.

I've been reading "Honey, I've wrecked the Kids" by Alyson Schafer.  I first read breaking the Good Mom Myth.  I found that book very liberating.  This book... has made me realize or rather affirmed what an awful mother I am.  I hate to say verbal abuse.. but that really is me and my husband. We both have to get the last word in.  We are both so frustrated we tend to over lecture, over stress and even anticipate failure with snide little comments thrown in for good measure.  My daughter freaked out one day in front of my mother and threw around a lot of big words like consequences, comprehension, responsibility etc... and my mom was like OMG she sounds just like her mother.  I try so hard to be patient but by 4:00 pm I'm all tapped out, especially if they've been bickering lots.  Add in there PMS, a few late nights and my patience and temper are unpredictable even to me.  How can I start to change the patterns if I can't even keep it together a week at a time? 

Why do people leave anonymous comments?  I get it if you don't have a blogger account etc and you really want to contribute to the conversation.  I even understand if you're trying to promote your own website and you really only pop in to leave a link.  But really what satisfaction could you possibly get by leaving a vague and poorly written comment in bad English in which the word Viagra is thrown around a few times without even a link?  I just don't get it. 

I won the Underway contest 4 times.  FOUR times.  I can only claim one prize but still... you think someone out there really thinks I should lose weight?  Yeah, me too.

Isn't it kind of like Murphy's law that you teach your kids to stay in bed and they obey you to the point where they call you repeatedly, you go upstairs to find out what they want, only to discover they need a drink so you have to go all the way back downstairs to grab them a cup and a drink, and then go back upstairs and get it for them.  Whereas, if they weren't so busy obeying you, they would have just come halfway down the stairs at least to inform you what they needed so you only had to make the trip once. 

Now my hands hurts too.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I have been a little remiss in my posting lately.  Mainly it's because I've been reading.  I have since finished the Inkheart series and yes it did end rather bitter sweetly as I had suspected.  We went away on the weekend to a resort on a little island not far from home to help celebrate a good friend's 40th.  While browsing at a local bookstore on the way back on Sunday, I discovered a reprint of Stephen King's novel, The Stand. 

I've always loved this book as well as the film that they made from it.  The film stays pretty close to the novel and the changes they made are pretty obvious as to why they made them.  Despite the fact that I have read this book at least 3 times, if not more, I completely got sucked into this story and could barely put it down.  As long as the kids were playing quietly together, I was reading.  I'd look around my house and would justify myself that I'd get the dishes down when I made lunch or after we picked E up from dance or a 100 different little excuses and ended up doing barely nothing but read for the past three days.  I finally finished it yesterday and last night I popped in the movie because, of course, I own it. 

Unfortunately I didn't get to watch much of it because my husband came home and was disappointed that I started watching it without out him.  So good wifey that I was restarted the movie from the beginning.  It's at least 4 hours long.  Of course, as soon as we start watching it, he gets up starts making himself a snack etc and I'm continually having to pause it.  It really ticked me off when he picked up the newspaper and I think he must have realized it because he sat it down saying there's nothing of interest in it.  After all, we could have continued on from where I was but I thought he really wanted to watch it.

So we ended up calling it quits before we even got as far as I had been in the film originally. 


Monday, August 9, 2010

Inkheart Series

Have you ever read a book that you were enjoying so much you didn't want to see it end?  I have that with the Inkheart series.  This is really such a complex and rich series that I find it hard to believe that it was written for youth. 

I, of course, was intrigued by the movie and kept thinking to myself that perhaps I'd read the book one day.  I came across the series, beautifully bound in a gift set in Scholastic Books.  I learned that my niece had just started to read the series so what a perfect gift for her.  I had to admit that I was tempted to buy a set for myself, they were that beautiful but I really couldn't justify the extra expense at Christmas.  Still, I hoped to one day find them used at a second hand book store.  Unfortunately, it's such a popular series that not only couldn't I find used copies but I had to go on a waiting list at the library for them. 

Finally, my turn came up and I now have the final book in my possession.  Yet, I find myself curiously reluctant to finish this book.  I have even set it aside to read another book and have just picked it up again knowing that I only have another week or so before I have to return it.

For one, the story is so complex that you never really know what's going to happen next.  You just think everything is going to start to work out for a change when the author throws in another twist and the good guys are struggling again.  I even find myself putting it down when one of these new crisis arise just so I can shake my head over the turn of events and even ponder how they are going to get out of it.   Never before I have it dragged a book out quite so much. 

I think my reluctance stems from the fact that this is the last book of the series.  Once I'm done that will be it, the story will have been told and I have a feeling I'm not going to completely like the ending.  If the ending goes like any of the rest of the story it's going to end off on a bittersweet note and most likely involve the death of one of my favourite characters. 

Have you read the Inkheart series?  What did you think?  Or have you ever read a book that you were reluctant to see end? 

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Play House Disney - Canada Blog Tour and Giveaway ENDED

We love all things Disney in our house and really enjoy many of the shows that the Playhouse Disney Channel has to offer.  It's been fun to watch as each one of my children discovers their own favourite show.  From Imagination Movers, To My Friends Tigger and Pooh, Handy Manny and of course, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  We have our PVR set to record all their favourites everyday. 

Plus it's also not just empty t.v., each show teaches simple math problems and discusses how to solve many problems that we might find in life such as sharing, what to do when we're scared, etc. I love listening to the kids sing along with their catchy tunes and have found myself frequently dancing to one of the Imagination Mover's upbeat songs.  I just love how I feel safe leaving the t.v. set on Playhouse Disney because I don't have to worry about something inappropriate showing up.
Playhouse Disney also has a great website with great games and activities that my children love to play... over and over again.  Want to receive updates?  Check out Playhouse Disney's Facebook page.

If you're not unsure whether or not your area receives the Disney Playhouse Channel check their list.

Best of all:  One lucky reader will win a Playhouse Disney Prize Pack containing a Playhouse Disney DVD with five episodes, pencils, a magnetic pen, and colouring magnets! This giveaway is limited to Canadian residents only and will close at midnight PST on August 18, 2010.

Side note:  There are multiple blogs running the same giveaway promo on behalf on Mom Central. You may feel free to enter to win on as many blogs as you like, however you will only be eligible to win once as part of the Playhouse Disney Canada blog tour contest.The winners will be contacted via email and will have 48 hours to respond before I have to choose a new winner.

To Enter:  Comment and let me know what your child's (or your's) favourite show is. 

For Extra Optional Entries :

  1. Follow my blog using Google Friend Connect and leave a comment
  2. Follow me on Twitter AND tweet about this giveaway and leave a comment.  You may use the following:  
Win a Playhouse Disney Prize Pack @Zeemaid (CAN Only) http://bit.ly/9qatgz #PlayhouseDisneyCanada

Disclosure: I am participating in the Playhouse Disney program by Mom Central. I received a Playhouse Disney prize pack and a thank you gift card to facilitate this post. The opinions on this blog are my own.
Looking for more Canadian friendly giveaways?  Why not check out Mom Vs. The Boys where our lovely host provides a linky every thursday for giveaways guaranteed to be available to Canadians.                                                                                           

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I Marry You Morrow

O was going out with his dad.

Me:  What, you're leaving me?  I'm gonna miss you.

O:   I be back mom, I marry you morrow.

Me:  You're going to marry me tomorrow?

O:  Yup, I marry you morrow.

Me:  Well, okay make sure you buy me a present first though, okay?

O:  Okay, Mom, I buy you present and I marry you.

Me:  Okay sweetie, have fun.

That night as I tucked a sleepy boy in bed.

Me:  Good night sweetie, I love you.

O:  (gives hug and kiss) I marry morrow mom.

Me:  Okay, good night.

Next day:

O:  Give kiss mom, I marry you.

Me:  (kiss) where's my present?

O:  (blank look)

Daddy: HAH!

O:  Here, (gives me rock) Okay we married now, (runs off outside). 

Monday, August 2, 2010

To Save A Life - Movie Review

I thought I'd mention this movie this week since it's a smaller title and most likely will get lost what with films like Kick-Ass and Diary of A Wimpy Kid coming out this week. 

It's about a teen who comes to terms with the suicide of his childhood friend, facing his own problems and discovering faith and a life worth living for.  I was pretty hesitant about watching it because if you know me at all, I don't like sad things and at times it is quite sad.  I also thought it might be a cheesy movie considering it is a small title and a faith based film as well.  I'm sorry to offend but a lot of those types of films can come across as quite cheesy and not always well acted.  I have seen some good ones and I have seen some very bad ones. 

Still, I said to my husband if we don't like it we'll just shut it off.  Well we got so sucked in we watched the whole thing despite the sad bits and the late hour.  It was well acted and very well written.  I think this movie would be great to watch with older teen children because it shows how every kid has struggles and often deal with feeling alone.  Even the so called popular kids have their issues.  It also dealt candidly with some flaws that we often see in church.  For example, it comes out that the main character had gotten his girlfriend pregnant.  Of course this all happened prior to his starting to discover faith but the head pastor didn't want him around the other teens.  Here this kid is trying to find God and do the right thing and  they are afraid he will "contaminate" the other children.  Coming from a church background I have seen this narrow minded thinking before.  Of course, I'd understand their thinking if this kid had professed to be a Christian all along and then started having premarried sex etc. 

Anyways, it was still nice to see the kids rallying around and supporting each other and "owning" their own behaviour towards the kid who killed himself and how they started to heal and and help other lonely kids.  All in all it was an inspiring film despite the sad topic.

Definitely worth checking out.  Not, of course, if your husband is only into action flicks.  ;)

I am worse than a child!

Our Sunday did not go well and I have to say that it was pretty much my fault.  I do not know why I act this way some times, perhaps you could tell me? 

This is what happened.

We talked about going to the beach on Sunday.  We get up, have breakfast and I go have my shower.  I had sent J to her room because of her whining and talking back and when I saw the state of her room I instructed her to pick it up.  Which, of course, prompted more whining and back talking so I got even more annoyed and told her if it wasn't done by the time my shower was over the rest was going in the garage. 

So I go shower, I hear raised voices and arguing and when I'm done my shower I come out to find hubby helping J organize and put away her toys.  This ticked me off for some reason.  Partly because I had already done that this week and it was pointless as her room was completely turned out within a day and also partly because we were supposed to be going to the beach today, why would he start that kind of project at this time. 

Still, I tell myself he couldn't very well take a shower when I was, could he?  Well, maybe he could but the point was to get clean and get ready to go out.  But he always does this when we have plans, just lazes around for as long as possible and then blames me that he didn't shower earlier because I was in the shower.  He could have showered before me or even better.. jump in the shower as soon as I am done.  I don't even have to be dressed, it's not like the kids need that much supervision now.

So half an hour goes by, he's still not showered, he's been after the kids continually (and has been all weekend in fact) and I next find him sitting on the couch watching cartoons with the kids.  I ask him if I should call my mom (to see if we're going to their campsite) and he ignored me.  Some other tiff occurs with the children and he's back upstairs getting after them.  Finally he gets in the shower and comes down to a messy kitchen and I can tell by the way he stopped and the look on his face that he was annoyed I hadn't done this. 

If you've read my blog earlier this week, you will understand a little of where I am coming from.  The day before we had been working on the garage.  I worked just as hard as he did, yet I still was the one to make the meals and clean up the mess after every meal. He'd just get up and bugger off to the garage leaving me with the mess and even when he came back from hauling stuff to the dump, did I get any help with dinner.  Not a bit.  He just crashed on the couch.  So I thought to myself that there was no bloody way I was cleaning up the mess, and getting all the kids ready to go while he lounged around in the shower.  Cause that's usually what happens.  I usually end up doing it all while he's showering. 

If he hadn't had that look on his face, I would have jumped up and helped.  I don't mind doing the work together.  But he started slamming things around as he started tidying up the kitchen.  Which drives me crazy.  I have to clean the mess all the time and I don't show my displeasure with sighs, grunts and slams when I do it.  (okay sometimes I do but not generally). 

So I buggered off upstairs and sat in the window seat.  There I sat staring out the window contemplating my life and regrets and started to become depressed.  My children soon followed me, of course, and ended up playing around me on the window seat and in the cradle.  Which helped to take my mind off my own sad thoughts and made me realize why I read so much.  If my mind isn't occupied, I'm too apt to dwell on the past. 

Hubby eventually saunters in and asks if I've called my parents.  I told him I had asked him if I should over an hour ago and he never answered me.  His response.. "well I guess you better get on it".  That's it.  Nothing major, nothing harsh or silly.  Yet, I was annoyed.  So I just sat there while one by one they all left.  Eventually I did come downstairs to find them all sitting like bumps watching t.v.  I asked if that's all they were going to do... sit on the couch and watch t.v. ?   

He, of course, was waiting for me to call.  And I would have but why couldn't he have been getting ready to go?  IF we didn't go to my parent's we were going to go to a beach closer to home.  So either way we were going out.  Why were they sitting watching t.v.? 

Eventually the kids petitioned to go outside and they did.  K finally asked me if we were doing anything and I responded I don't know.  I did tell him that I was annoyed because he hadn't answered me this morning and how I didn't like his reaction to the messy kitchen, how I keep getting dumped on with all the work.  I said it all nicely and calmly but of course I also had to throw in there...  "and there you are sitting on your ass watching t.v. (he had at this point started watching Criminal Minds) when we've got piles up carpet, boxes and vinyl loaded up in front of the washer what needs to go in the crawlspace (this from our clean up of the garage on Sat) and I am not doing laundry until it's gone.  I am not climbing over boxes to do it).  Man like, he says nothing .. well I think he muttered, paused his show, got up and started hauling crap out of the closet, none too gently, so as to get access to the crawl space.  Then he proceeded to vacuum. 

Why oh why do men not get it?   Just because I say help me... doesn't mean help me this minute.  It doesn't mean that I want to drop everything, all our plans just so you can vacuum.  Then he goes back and sits down on the couch and turns the t.v. back on.  WTF?  

Meanwhile the kids had been bugging me the whole time about going in the pool but I said no thinking we were going out.  So I went outside and said I guessed they could go in the pool since daddy only wants to watch t.v. 

And that was it... for the rest of the day.  We still could have ended up going, it wasn't too late but when he decided to sit down and watch t.v. I gave up. 

Of course, your mind goes back over everything that happens so as to be fully armed with every word that was said, every look that was sent so that when the arguments start you are prepared and justified in what you had done.  Only I knew I had myself to blame.  Sure he did minor petty annoying things but really, it was my own stubborness that really actually ruined our entire day. 

Of course, when his show was done he stomped around the house some more.  Oh he talked nicely to me but he'd disappear upstairs and then into the garage and then come out and announce that he fixed E's bike. Ladies, I had been asking him to fix that bike for weeks. 

I tell you I cried like I hadn't in a really long time.  Still when you tend to be a crier and well up over almost every argument, tears come across to him like no big deal.  Why should he care that I was crying when I tend to tear up over most arguments anyways. 

Like I said, it could have all been avoided.  If I had just kept my mouth shut we would have been off to the beach.  Better yet if I hadn't allowed myself to get annoyed way at the beginning and just called my mother, none of it would have happened. 

I didn't really need to get into with him at that particular moment.  I actually had been communicating some of my frustrations to him periodically throughout the week as conversations come up and as most of you know, it's better not to them over the head with it but give them something to ponder.  Even so, it's still frustrating because while he listens, he never acknowledges the justness of my feelings or sometimes even he just laughs it off. 

When I called my father that evening to talk to him about something else, I wasn't surprised when he told me that my mother had expected me to call that morning.  Try and explain to your parents why you didn't bring their grandchildren out to see them because their mother was acting like a big baby. 

It still bums me out.  It's not like we can't go to the beach another day.  It's just that I only generally take them when their dad's home and that's only on the weekends. Next weekend K and I are away and the summer is almost over.  K is moving his video store in a couple of weeks so ventures to the beach are going to get pretty scarce.  Every summer ends with a.... I wish we had done more things with the kids.