; window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);} gtag('js', new Date()); gtag('config', 'UA-6252405-9'); In the Mommy Trenches: Trouble with Commitment?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Trouble with Commitment?

Time for another confession.  I seem to do that a lot.  Confess, that is.  Or is it fess up?  Anyways, they say confession is good for the soul. 

It's true.  I have an issue with commitment Now I know that sounds strange coming from a woman who's been married nearly ten years to the same man and has three lovely children all whom of which I am tied to indefinitely.  After all, what bigger commitment can you get than having babies.  They may move out when they are 18 but you still have to always be there for them. Crap.  I knew I should have read the fine print better, you know of that parenting manual that comes with every baby you have.  

As for hubby, well I guess I'm not tied to him indefinitely but geez who wants to go through all the bother of splitting our stuff up now.  Just kidding sweetie. *L*  On a side note though, would you believe that we still refer to some stuff as to it being mine because I had it since before the marriage, like our bedroom suite.  His stuff from before is, of course, long gone. Except for that stupid hockey poster which is buried in the backroom somewhere and the ugly wood burl clock.. but he made it with his dad so I can't really turf it.  MWAHHA 

No, my commitment issues actually involves some of the really big things in life like do I really want to commit to watching that movie or reading that book. I know, it sounds strange but it's true.  

You see I am the type of person that gets really involved in books I read or movies I watch.  I mean really involved.  If the movie has a tragic ending,like a child dying,  it can bring me down for days.  The fate of the poor child will literally be in my thoughts for quite some time.  I can actually get depressed by it. 

Same goes for a book.  If it is particular well written and dramatic it sucks me in to the point that I don't want to put it down but then I don't want to get to the ending either because well it might just not turn out happy.  That's my other fault... I like happy endings.  I want the boy to get the girl, the miracle cure, the sudden inheritance, the rainbow.  

Because of my work I am forced to watch movies all the time now and I've become jaded.  I don't want to have to watch everything that comes down the pike.  I look at the summaries and my heart sinks.  Why is it that all the most popular movies are dreary and dramatic and tragic?  

Did I really want to watch Love in the Time of Cholera?  Come on people. There is no way that was going to end happily.  Man loves girl, girls love man, man is deemed unworthy by girl's family, girl married another man...happily for 50 years.  While man goes off on to various sexual exploits over the years, finds out girl is widowed... dreary dreary dreary DREARY!

While I love books and enjoy movies, I need them for a quiet escape.  I don't need to get sucked into how dark and evil this world is.  I know it's dark and evil.  I know that there are many, many heinous crimes going on all over the world.  I just don't need to be inundated with it.  Life is tough enough without being dragged down even further.   When you are caring for children you need to be upup, up.  Not down down down

I actually started read this book called the Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.  Fantastic book.  Normally, I'm an insatiable reader.  Normally, I'd have that book read in 2 or 3 days.  I'm more than half way through but I haven't touched it in over a week.  It was very well written and it sucked me in something fierce... I'm just worried about how it's all going to turn out.  Plus there is the fact that this is part of a series so I know it won't end with the book.  

So what did I do?  I went to the library and picked up a couple of light hearted murder mysterious.  How can murder be lighthearted?  Well, it is when the amateur detective is named Agatha Raisin and blunders around a lot.  Or then there's the chocolate murder series. Involving lots of chocolate and chocolate trivia.  Love it.   

Those are the books I can put down and pick up again around my day and my children's lives without too much emotional trauma.  

I've tried explaining this to my family and friends.  They really don't understand it.  Many women I know, love movies that make them cry.  I don't because for some reason I can't just cry and then shrug it all off it just stays with me. 

I find myself more and more thinking, do I really want to invest my time and my emotions into this book or film and find that more and more.. I don't.  


  1. I can't tell you how totally in agreement I am! Books that end badly (movies, too, but books hit me hardest) really bring me down. I've wondered about this over the years, and whether or not it's a "normal reaction." I quite relieved that I'm not the only one! For a long time I only read magazines because those don't hit me the way yours do!

  2. I meant to say the way the books do -- I'm trying to type and talk on the phone, and I CLEARLY need to put the phone down : )

  3. We have to start a club because I'm that way too. I'm refusing to see most of the Oscar movies because they have a sad ending. I can completely drown myself in a book. I have "The Memiors of Cleopatra" (which is excellent) and after the first read I refuse to read the last chapters. I love my happy endings. So I totally understand where you're coming from on all sides. Well, except thinking you should have read the fine print in the manuel. You still had to HAVE ONE child before you get the manuel. That's where they get you.

  4. Just wanted to point you in the direction of a book called A Thousand Splendid Suns. Best.Book. Ever!

    Okay, maybe an exaggeration but it comes close! never mind the movies, go read that instead!


  5. I wish I had more time to read. I love a good story that sucks you in...

  6. Thaks for stopping by my blog. I get very involved in books to and seem to take on the emotions of the main character and I know it won't go away until I finish the book.

    As far as the crocheting goes, I use a size 10 needle and my strips are about an inch wide. I don't measure them...just put cuts where I think it's about right then tear. I hope you don't need me to tell you what stitches I used as I don't know...my friend just said "Do this with your hook and pull this through the loop etc." I think the word chain stitch might have been thrown about. To stop it puckering up, I do an extra chain stitch on every side, that doesn't actually get attached to the rest of the rug, if you know what I mean. That way each time around actually increases in size. If you don't it will end up looking like a straw hat.


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