kindergarden... stressed already?

E started kindergarden last week. She's doing really well. No real problems going, pretty excited each day to be going to school. However, she's not making the transition from pre or should I say play school to real school very well. She has met a boy (yes at such a tender age too) who likes to play the "shark" game. Which mainly consists of one or more of the boys roaring like sharks (really do sharks roar?) and chase the rest of the kids. Something my daughter enjoys immensely. It's the highlight of her day. Getting her off of the shark high though is another thing.

The first day of the "shark game" she had a tantrum leaving. Crying, screaming, running away the whole nine yards. E was promptly escorted home. Well, maybe not so promptly, I had one mom holding O while I lost track of J completely trying to manouever my 50 pound 5 year old into a listening position and an upright lets walk back to the stroller position. No easy feat I assure you. I broke into a sweat and it was just as much from the exertion as it was from the embarassment factor. I have yet to see one other mom or dad having to deal with THEIR five year old's tantrum in the middle of the school field. Well E got the lecture of her life and informed that we would not be playing after school at the playground if that was how she was going to behave.

The next few times go just fine so I'm thinking great lesson learned. That is until today. I knew from her behaviour this a.m. that all was not going to be well in E world today. She was emotional and easily frustrated and staring the WAAHHH thing whenever we said no. I felt sorry for poor Mrs. D. today. On top of that, O sliced his thunb. He managed to get this little porcelain baby buggy off of his dresser, broke it and cut himself. It was a deep cut and it bled and bled and bled like a fawcett. We finally got him bandaged up but he was pretty teary for a while. So I elect to skip walking to school today, rang nana up to sit and drove E to school myself.

Pick up should have gone smoothly because it was just me and J but oh no, I had gotten into conversation with a mom about school pictures and E wanted to go play on the playground, said boy was already there. Well, I told her just a minute and she started to lose it. crying and acting up, her teacher saw and came over to talk to me. She basically stated that E was sweet and liked to be helpful but she argues a lot and doesn't transition well from different things to next task etc. Which I'm not surprised at. In the middle of this I still have E crying and asking to play, at which point I told her that she couldn't play anymore because of her behaviour. It was just as well because given that she couldn't wait 1 minute to go play there was no way she would have left easily today. It probably would have been worse, as it was I still had to firmly hold her hand and escort her to the van. Knowing that if I so much as let go, she'd bolt and run. Yes, I just love them when they're like this.

So............ I go home and have a good cry. I was totally embarrassed not to mention furious at her behaviour. I sat down and explained to her that playing on the schoolground is not what school was about etc. I don't know if she gets it but I hope she does.

It pretty much bothered me all day. I can't figure out why it is that she's behaving this why and what I can do to fix it or how I can handle it better. Talking it through (like the teacher suggests) doesn't help when she's in the middle of her fit. She can't rationalize. She tells me she can't help herself when she's like that.

I don't know. It bums me out because I don't want her to have a tough time at school and I know how hard kids can be. I don't want her to be labelled as the cry baby etc... or to lose friends because she won't share or is too bossy. There is only so much instruction you can give when it seems like they are not giving you 100%.

A lot of it stems from her being tired. When she gets tired she always is more emotional and more unreasonable. I don't know how to transition her when she's like that.

It doesn't help that when times are like this that K gets more negative. He then swears up and down she has a behavioural problem and needs counselling or something and everything I talk about is just how bad she ALWAYS is and how hard it is for him getting them to bed by himself etc when I know that he's had a good routine going. It seems like if he has a hard week or two then all of sudden it's been like that always........ very frustrating. I don't want to label my kid negatively and he's very much when it's bad it's always bad, when it's good, she's amazing.

I don't know........... any suggestions?

What were we thinking?

We've just gotten back from a weeks worth of camping. No, pardon me 5 days worth. We only managed to survive 5 days in my parent's brand new travel trailer with water and electric hook-up. (So the microwave wouldn't work, something about 110 or 220 voltage, I don't know).

I'm getting a little a head of myself. We borrowed my parent's trailer, had it towed by my brother to a wonderful (albeit only visited via online website) little campsite on the beach. The site turned out to be the size of a postage stamp and the little 2 foot slope to the beach we were assured of turned out to be a two level 6 foot drop. So we had to be creative with parking our vehicle. Otherwise, the place was lovely. So we didn't sleep well, so E started throwing up again on the way there and remained sickish for the next 3 days. She didn't eat so she didn't have anything else to throw up. So she threw several hissy fits a day from her disruptive sleep and begged to go home each night to her own bed but was equally just as happy we were still camping in the morning. So O didn't like to stay with us and insisted on wandering off willy nilly entire time, us having to run like mad to make sure he didn't fall over the drop. So he screamed his little head off every time we tried to put him in the play pen. So I fell over a log (backwards) while holding my son, hurting my back, AGAIN. So, the firewood was wet and we couldn't get a decent enough fire to cook a hotdog the first night. So, the bathrooms smelled bad, really bad.

What we did have, was a wonderful sandy beach area where my kids loved to dig. Just around the corner was a gorgeous sandbar where O could run to his little heart's delight, wandering into shallow pools and hucking gobs of sand through the air. J seemed to grow up over night as she excitedly accompanied mommy to the bathroom and stayed outside the stall and checked things out and reported back to me intermittently of what she's discovered, suddenly dropping the mummy and daddyism for the more grown up mum and dad. E and J could play for an hour at a time in the driftwood fort someone had made just down the beach. Barbeque chicken never tasted so good as it did there. We went for walks to the store and savoured ice cream bars while we sat on the wooden swing overlooking the ocean. We had campfires, where my J was introduced to the glories of toasted marshmallows and as she solemnly told my husband the next day.. Dad, I just love the campfire!. As could be told by the remnant "goop" on her face and legs. Then, we managed the miracle of miracles and got all three down to sleep in a strange place and actually got to have grown up time by the fire. We even got to play scrabble a couple of times. Your's truly winning hands down. Of course, he says he won the first game (we didn't keep score that time).

And the bathrooms? They cleaned them 4 times a day. Turns out the smell must be from the well water. I've never been to a place that cleans their bathrooms 2x a day never mind 4 x.

So despite all the negatives, the headaches, I would have to say it was worth it. Life is always going to be somewhat uncomfortable but really it's only us grownups that realize it. The kids, it's water off their back. They are not even aware of it five minutes after it has passed. For them, they won't remember screaming at me because she wanted to stay five more minutes, they'll remember getting to play in the fort, run on the beach rescuing starfish and playing in the sand. Life would be a lot easier if we had more of their view of life.

Things are Looking UP

*** A post I had drafted August 18th but forgot to go back and publish. ****

Finally, we seem to be on the mend. We still have periodic explosions and puke fests but they are getting fewer and farther between. The main thing is they are happier and seem to have more energy. Now if only the poor parents could dredge up some more energy.



Unfortunately, my poor employee got the bug and phoned in sick yesterday. I knew she was really sick then because she's got very good work ethics. So I all but started to cry because there was no else to go in and my poor babies had been begging to go somewhere and we had already promised them a trip to the beach if it was nice.



In the end, we decided to open up late. After all it was Kidsfest weekend and how busy would it be in the morning? We debated on going to Kidsfest but it was kids kids and more kids and really only targeted to E and J. O would be stuck, miserable, in his stroller.


So we took the kids to the beach instead and had a great time. We found a quiet spot with lots of sand and the kids dug and ran to their hearts delight. E scampered in the waves, made a friend and they both spent an hour running up and down the beach "rescuing" poor starfish stranded by the tide.

You know you done good when we're walking back to the van and little J says, "I had fun mom". Why oh why don't we take more time for moments like these?

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Remember when I said I was feeling more positive? Yeah, right. That went out the window about 3 days ago. We are now approaching day 11 of the flu. To top it off, my two youngest now seem to have hand, foot and mouth disease. The odd thing is that they still are throwing up. Just when I think we're taking a turn for the better, one of them starts upchucking again. By this point, we've almost gone through an entire box of diapers (from the diarrhea) and I have washed my hands so many times my skin burns every time the water hits it.

And........ typical kid style they like to have interrupted sleep all night, get you up at 5 a.m. and then have a nice 3 hour nap at opposite times I might add, so there is no possibility of my having a nap. I have to do about 4 loads of laundry a day from all the poop and puke explosions, we've steam cleaned the couch cushions 3 times now and have had to spot clean the living room carpets at least 4 times. Fortunately, a few of the worst moments were on the linoleum, easy cleanup.

So I'm tired and heartily sick of sick kids. When I went to get dressed this morning, knowing that I'd have to wait to grab a shower when the baby is napping, I lost it, I jumped into my bed and hid under the covers and had myself a good old pity party. Along with the tears came the thoughts of what an immature and selfish mom I was. Here my children are sick and I'm indulging myself in the ol woe is me's. I'm so tired I can't think straight plus I have to work this evening. My business partner is away on holidays so there's no one else to cover for me and I have been struggling with nausea all week. I don't actually get sick, I just get the joy of feeling like I'm going to. My patience is at an all time low and I don't even have the energy to deal with the fights. I stop myself because I know that I'm not going to handle it very well. Like my well known theory is, if mom isn't happy.. no one is happy.

But what can you do, you shrug it off, get dressed and carry on knowing that along with dispensing some well needed hugs and kisses along the way that the end is near, there is light at the end of tunnel. I have to keep reminding myself and my children, mommy loves them, mommy's sorry she's grumpy, she's trying. Oh Lord, am I trying!

Thank the Good Lord for My Job

I didn't think I'd ever be so happy as to go to work today! My children, yes all 3 of them, are STILL SICK. Just when you think we're on the mend, they start yakking up again.

The up side is that I got almost 6 1/2 hours sleep last night, I mean straight, in a row, non-interrupted sleep until 6:00 a.m. when I woke to Miss E rustling around in the kitchen. She had gotten sick and was looking for a cloth to clean it up, bless her heart. So mommy to the rescue once again. Of course, it being 6 a.m. I was not up for stripping the entire bed and was thankful that she had mainly gotten sick on her bedspread so I rolled that off to side promptly produced a spare blanket and told her to go back to bed. She pointed out one teeny remaining wet spot on the sheet and I told her to sleep on the other side of her bed away from it. She sleeps in a Queen sized bed afterall AND I didn't want to wake her sister. Less than an hour later, they were all up anyways.

So I've been cleaning and washing and cleaning and washing all day long. O has started to throw up again and his diaper could make a grown man cry. So although I had a twinge of guilt leaving them with hubby, I was more than a little relieved to be getting out of that infested pit of sickness.

However, O also suddenly developed blisters on his heels so I'm very worried he's got hand, foot and mouth as well. The crap will definitely hit the fan then. We're supposed to go camping next week. Cross your fingers......... get out the bleach and starting sanitizing.

Oh and I burned the potatoes. O had gone down for his 4th little catnap (normally he's a good sleeper) and the girls were zombies on the floor watching a show (about all you can do with them when they're lethargic) and I had supper on the go, stopped to read something online next thing I know I smell something burning. Do I get up and check? No. I think it's just the potato water spluttering out of the pot onto the element. So when I do go to check the potatoes, I find them completely boiled dry. I'm no gourmet cook but I do know how to cook regular food, mashed potatos along with it. I have never boiled anything dry like that in my life. I mean not when I was sitting right there. Talk about dumb. Poor hubby gets left with the pot too. *LOL* okay so most won't think that's funny, but it kinda is to a tired momma who's been handling most of the tough stuff all weekend and then some.

Update on Me

Despite the fact that my kids are sick at the moment, I am realizing that I am much more positive than I used to be. My headaches have finally subsided. I only get them once in while now and usually can relate it to my period, lack of sleep or something like that.

I finally got my progesterone cream and after only 1 week of using it, I'm back to a 28 day cycle. I swear the very next day after using it for the first time I was more upbeat. I had had a really really bad day the day before and it was actually my husband who reminded me to start using it. I had even reached the point where I had started to do some research on depression and was preparing for opening the discussion with my husband. (He doesn't necessarily agree with taking meds for it). So, I've put that on the back burner for now. My mood's not 100% yet (when will it ever be?) but it's getting better so I figure I will give the cream a chance to work and see what happens. After all, considering I've struggled with weight and infertility for years I bet I've been unbalanced (hormonally *LOL*) for years.

So we shall see how it goes. Hopefully the days of whiny blogs are over. Let's make room for some positive life experiences! Now if only I could get a consistent good night's sleep.

It's Raining.........Spew??????

I have probably mentioned several times that we are trying to sell our house so that we can move closer to my husband's work. Well, it's been rather difficult. We go from 4 or 5 showings a week to nothing for 3 weeks. It's amazing what you let slide in just 3 little weeks. Especially with 3 little monsters running around under your feet.

We had just been through a rather dry spell when we got the call yesterday. Showing for today at 12:15. So it falls at lunch, during nap time and basically mucks up the whole day. Do I say no? No way, we haven't shown the house in weeks. So I start gearing up yesterday for the "BIG" clean. Hubby gets into the act after work scrubbing walls (why the walls needed to be cleaned when the bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms were on top of the list, you got me). I finished off the job today.

We got a little rough start this morning when my 2 1/2 year old came running in to the bathroom carrying a bucket. The bucket had been from when E had been sick earlier in the week. Well, J had good intentions, she meant to get sick in the bucket only it went all over the bathroom floor and cupboards instead. That was clean up #1.

O (my son) was a little whiny and clingy this morning. Not his usual feisty self. Finally I decide I'll put him down for a nap even though it's early. He could still squeeze in an hour and a half before we have to leave.

I'm cool, collected, relaxing outside supervising the older two cause hey, I've got it all together this time. No mad dash, no rush to pick up the last toys. O wakes up, he's fussy but I figure he'll be just grand once I get him outside (he loves the outdoors). We've got 10 minutes to go. I have all the lights on like we're supposed to etc... I sit him on the bench to put his shoes on when suddenly.... GAK he lets loose sour milk spray all over himself, the bench, his blankie, the carpet and me. YIIII!! I just cleaned. I pick him and try to take him outside (we're right beside the door). Oh that doesn't work.. he just yaks some more, more on me, more on the door, the mat, the sidewalk. Crap.

I tell the oldest to run upstairs quick and tell Nana I needed her. I'm trying to console my poor wee man while his tummy's gurgling and burbling when Nana AND Papa arrive. They promptly assess the situation and begin to clean up while I'm stripping O down to his diaper. It doesn't take me long to realize that I've got sour milk spew all over my feet, my hands, my arms, my shirt. yuk.

It's too late to cancel the viewing so we clean up as best we can, spray some air freshener to cover up the puke smell and head out in the van with a bucket along with us for emergencies. Nana insisted we take it. I'm kinda wondering what I was going to do with the bucket when I'm in the front driving but hey.

So heading out to McD's and letting the kids play in the play area is off, likewise any other restaurants. While I do have one vague memory of watching a family out to eat at Pizza hut while their child periodically leaned over to spew in a bucket they had so thoughtfully brought along with them, I'd like to think I was just a tad more considerate. So drive-thru it is. My poor little O. He looked so dejected sitting there in his car seat, holding his favourite blankie and sucking his sou sou (soother). So we get our food and drive to the beach, only it's beachfest so I can't park down at the beach. I explain for the millionth time why we can't stop at the park I find us an alternative shady spot to park and divvy up the food. We're there for about 15 minutes before O decides he doesn't like just sitting. I can't tempt him with even a french fry. So we start up the van again and drive around, all the while checking to see if the realtor had come by the house yet. Finally, after driving my crying child around the neighbourhood several times I figure I'll quickly run in and see if I can see the realtor's calling card. Nothing. GRR. I drive around for 20 more minutes. Finally when there is only 3 more minutes left, I figure screw it. J is now asleep in her seat, O is crying more and more. What kind of mom am I?

I unload the kids from the van, lay J in her bed and leaving O to his sister, who's showing her sweet side by reading a book to him, I quickly run upstairs to check if I'd missed the realtor's card. Nope. It was definitely a no show. I heard the garage door so I went out to meet my in-laws and told them that it was a no show. I got totally choked up, thinking here I had busted my ass for two days getting my house in show home condition, took my sick kids out and drove them around in a warm van for a whole hour and they didn't even bother to come OR to phone to say they'd be late. My mother-in-law felt for me and called our realtor's office to find out what happened.

Well, my afternoon was totally mucked up. Poor J didn't make the transition from van to bed and promptly got up. O I couldn't get to sleep and I ended up walking outside with him when suddenly an hour after they were supposed to, the realtor and his client's show up. OMG.

Well, we let them through since the kids were awake. But we had to quickly run around and tidy up again. It's amazing how many toys kids can dump on the floor in an hour despite the fact that they were mostly playing outside!

The upshot was that when the realtor left, apologizing for being late, he told Nana that they had been through 7 homes that day and THIS was the house they liked and that he would be talking to our realtor. Well, that was encouraging. We were excited but then realized that this was the same realtor who had shown our house twice before, one time at least was just to price compare for pricing his client's house for sale and then he left positive feedback on the feedback form when we knew darn well that they weren't interested in our home.

This is getting long, but it just doesn't end there. My poor lethargic little O finally went down for a nap, I'm all set to start supper when WAAAAAAAAA alerts me and checking on the baby, I find... yup more spew all down the crib rails and over the bedding etc. Well that was an easy fix. I soothed my baby, cleaned up, started the 3rd load of laundry that day when he comes crying in to me again. I go to change his diaper and yeah more spew, this time there was tons. Poor little guy didn't have anything left by the time he was done. After that, there was no time to clean up. I had to pop him in the tub and then rock him in my arms for the next hour until Daddy came home.

Fortunately, my girls rose to the occasion by playing nicely and peacefully outside and then in their bedroom. So I was able to focus on little O. I hadn't snuggled him for that long of a time since he was breastfed. Normally he won't sit still.

Luckily I had already gotten out of work that night. I was glad because even when Daddy was home and had O for a little bit, he wanted me. The minute I took him back in my arms and cradled him, he stopped crying and closed his eyes to sleep. It's just an amazing feeling to know that you're the only one that can comfort your baby in the way that he needs. Sometimes, I am just amazed at how much they need me. Doesn't matter how crabby mommy gets, they still love me and still want me most of all.

The day ended off not to badly after that. I think we're over the worst with him. He went to bed at 6 and only got up a few times through the night.

So three down, two to go. J has had some blow-outs (poop wise) and I have yet to get it but I am sure I will considering I was covered in puke.

Oh well, as long as we all get it out of system before we go camping. I'm just hoping if I get sick it's when the hubby is home. Nothing like having to throw up and look after 3 little ones at the same time. Mom's never really get a day off, do they?

Cha

I completely forgot I even had a blog. That's how spaced out and scattered I've been lately. I see my last post was about my husband's court date. Well, we had it, we survived it. We settled and have already received one half of the payment. If the other payment shows up and clears the bank on August 1st then we drop the whole thing. My husband is going the higher road by allowing her to pay us off so there's no bad mark against her company. I guess she's still trying to sell her store. So, he's happy, I'm happy and thank god that's over with.

We are still trying to sell our house. Although this last week it's been the most positive we've had so far. I just wish someone would make us an offer already. We've got E registered in kindergarten in our area already and if we're going to move, I'd really like to do it before school starts. Still I have so sort things out with my business partner. We haven't gotten too far with that. It's hard to find time to discuss.

The Movie business is actually doing not bad. It helps the weather has been so crappy. The weather is picking up finally but the heat wave drives people into the store almost as much as the rain does.

We celebrated our ninth anniversary last weekend by going out to a resort and doing a spa treatment and the whole dinner and stay the night thing. It was wonderful. The time was too short. The beach was lovely, we even got to sit on a wooden garden swing and gaze out over the ocean. It was just lovely.

AS for the novel. Nothing, nada, zip. I did some preliminary research, as in took out some library books regarding the time eras etc and I even started to write a little. I have gotten hung up though. Just the thought or the idea of putting down all that stuff on paper scares the shit out of me. I mean really it's a lot of work and effort to write an entire novel. I would start to think about filling out all those pages, flushing out the entire story and then I'd be like, oh my god, how I am ever going to do it. THen I'd read a truly wonderful novel and think, how could I ever write as well as that. Has my idea for a novel already been overdone? Possibly, probably.

So, I've allowed it to hinder me from going further into it. I will try again though, because after all Nora Roberts didn't start her career till one winter she was home with her young children. So I guess if it's in me enough, I'll get it out eventually. Some day I will just have to conquer that bad old fear of failure and get down to and try. After all, if you don't try you have nothing. On the other hand, if you do try and fail, you no longer have the possibility.

................ ta ta

Wow

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. For the most part we've been pretty busy. Working nights, kids during the day, showing the house, meeting with bank people preparing for court. Who has time to blog?

Preparing for court? Well, my husband had a small claims case against his previous employer. He had been fired suddenly without just cause 7 weeks before I was due to have our third child. Long story short, we didn't feel he received enough severance so we took her to court for more. That and the fact that she fired him in a totally demeaning and inappropriate manner. There was no reason why he was let go except that she decided she no longer wanted to pay her manager that much. She wouldn't even give him a letter of reference despite the fact she told him it was nothing he'd done. So, after a long day in court yesterday and a nervewracking time, it's finally over. We all were able to come to an arrangement, he's getting more money and a positive letter of reference. So hubby's happy and so am I. It's been hanging over us for months now.

I'd have to say that I am a bit of a wuss when it comes to standing up for myself. I may be able to say my piece at the time but going to court... that was a whole other story. I'd been dreading for months the settlement conference. Lived through that. Then I had to live with the trial date hanging over our heads for another 2 months. It's been adding a lot of stress on each of us. I mean, yes, he should stand up for what's right but to actually have to go to court and sit in front of a judge, have K be cross-examined and then most likely bad mouthed. No life hasn't been very anxiety free for the last two months.

Now we just have to worry about the house selling. The people who came to look today are not interested. We got sneaky and hid a video camera behind the t.v. so it would pick up a recording of their conversation, not film them. I expect their comments to be pretty much the same as what other people are going to say. It just pisses me off that what we overlooked in the house that other people are so on top of. We just thought the house was amazing. But we had only one child then. It's been since that that we've realized the upstairs is an awkward lay-out. THe family room is too small and the living room is too small. Oh well, not much we can do. We've already lowered the price because our realtor feels the market hit a slump with there being fewer buyers.

Maybe we are just not meant to sell and move. I hope not. We'd really like to move closer to hubby's work. The other thing is I need to discuss with my business partner what we are going to do with our video store. I'm starting to think selling would be best. I'm not even getting paid out of the business at the moment and I've been working just as hard as she has so I think I'd rather sell now so that I can at least get a share in it. Otherwise, if I let her take it over, I get nothing because she can't afford to buy me out of anything.

I don't know what to do if she doesn't want to sell. We'll have to figure it out.

Progress Report?

Well, I did manage to get a lovely start on my story, I shan't call it a novel yet, although time spent and thought behind it probably only amounted to a couple of pages of writing at the most.

Nevertheless I was vastly pleased with it and determined not to tell my husband that I had started. I would like to surprise him with either a complete or half-way there completed story. A bit unrealistic to think I'd keep it from him for that long. Mainly because I'm a blabbermouth. I find it hard not to tell him what I got him for Christmas.

So I was pleased. Until that is I finally got my coveted Mariana in the mail and have since finished reading it. It's then that I doubt myself, that I could ever write as well as that. I do not feel that I will ever become noted for any literary achievements or be praised by Oprah for my pithy observations, yet I would like to write novels that will be read by women (or man for that matter) who have similar interests to mine. And... I'd like to make some money. No, no lofty ambitions have I to write simply for it's sake alone. I do desire a certain measure of fame, not that I believe I will ever obtain it. After all, who reads these dreary posts of mine? I have yet to generate enough interest to even garner myself one comment or observation.

At this moment, my wishes and desires, without hope of ever coming to fruition are actually painful enough to bring a pang into my chest and tears into my eyes. But enough! I, being at work, cannot afford to turn into a watering pot.

You see, what happens when I read too many English novels. My vocabulary positively vibes of British-isms. Tirrah

On the Cusp

I've been wanting to delve into writing a novel. I've been thinking about it for years. Have made some attempts at it in the past but with work and everything I got so far and then stopped. It didn't help that my file suddenly got corrupted and I'd lost everything I'd written.

I have tons of ideas for a story but I stumble over the lines. I analyze the phrases and how to say it a million times before I move in. That is my biggest stumbling block. I think I'm trying to get it perfect the first time around. I need to let go and just write. Not pick each line apart.

I've been reading a lot of Nora Roberts lately and it's been inspiring me to try again. I have rarely met a more versatile writer. She has a basic formula for most of her books in how she lays out the story but the stories themselves are varied and extremely imaginative. She's the kind of author I find myself looking for the trilogies so I can finish each one. I literally gulp down the stories. It's just pure good escapism entertainment.

My poor children. I neglect them for books. Some times I seriously think I need to give up reading. I just love it so much. Another of my favourite authors at the moment is Debbie Maccomber and Susanna Kearsley. I am currently re-reading Mariana. I just love it. If only I could write a 1/4 as well as they do, it would be enough.

I think one of my biggest stumbling blocks is that I'd start and find out I have no talent for it. It's easy to dream when it's still a possibility. Still my husband has faith in me and my talents. He's always telling people how talented he thinks I am. He may be biased but his opinion should account for something.

The other stumbling block, is research. That is a very daunting task. I just want to jump in and write, not do research on names and places.

So I say, on the cusp because I jotted down a basic story outline last week and this week actually set up my laptop and began expanding on the plot and character details and did some initial research online. It's not much but it's a start. So I may get there. Only time will tell.

Yummy Mummy

I am not a yummy mummy. It has been agreed to with out any argument at all by my husband that I am not a yummy mummy. hey, it was okay when I was saying. His part (did you forget honey?) was to contradict me and tell me how wonderful I look.

His defence in all that was that it takes money to be a yummy mummy. You know, that green stuff that buys clothes and pays for manicures etc.

I mentioned it to my mom and she, never having heard of the phrase yummy mummy, was inclined to disagree. You don't need money to dress right, you have to have a knack with clothes, putting the right outfits together etc. You know, something I apparently don't have.

So what does it take to be a yummy mummy? I am inclined to think a little both. You need to have some money and you need to have the knack to pull a look together. Throw in there a dash of confidence to pull it all off.

Even the best of those people who make you look like a Diva on a dime could go through my closet and pull out several "WoW" outfits. What do you do with a mom who has more t-shirts than blouses in her closet cause their cheap so who cares if they stain. While the rest of the clothes are somewhere between 2 sizes to small or at least one size to big (not including maternity). I'm tired of my clothes not fitting. I'm tired going to the store and buying one outfit (cause, hey who can afford an entire wardrobe at once?) only to want to wear it every day cause I love it so much and feel that great in it. Why is it always that after a month or two the same outfit suddenly loses it's shine and I no longer think it looks so hot on me?

I'm tired of trying on jeans only to find out when I get home that they don't fit afterall. How can you really judge the fit of your clothes standing in a dressing room? I have at least three pairs of jeans in my closet that I thought fit only to find after wearing them several hours that they've stretched and are now slipping off my hips. Damn stretch jeans. I hate non-stretch now because they are just not as comfortable but with stretch denim I can't seem to get the right fit. It's a bad sign when you can pull your pants up and down without have to unzip. Or is it a sign of a woman with loose morals? HAH.

So I need money and lots of it. I'd love for someone to nominate me for that What Not to Wear Show. Only instead of crying and whining like many of them, I'd actually embrace what Stacey and Clinton are trying to teach me so I'd come out of the show not only with some great clothes but with the tools for shopping in the future. A whole week in New York away from the kids would be a nice fringe benefit too!

I'm sure there are a lot of moms out there who look great without spending a ton. They are probably the kind of moms that spent money on nice clothes before they had kids. Me. I've always been somewhat overweight (up and down over the years) and let's face it, chubby people just don't spent as much money on clothes. We're always hoping to lose weight so why waste money on an outfit that will soon be too big. Yeah, I've been telling myself that for the last 10 years. I go up, I go down, but I mostly stay the same. Course, I've had three children in the last 4 years. Thats not easy on the body either. Not only that, living where I do, there just aren't a whole lot of options. I'm pretty much stuck with the major department stores and everybody knows their chubby clothes suck. The "Above Average" (nice euphemism that, why don't they just call it like it is I'd shop a store called Fat Chicks, wouldn't you?) anyways, the other stores are usually high priced and I have the choice between dressing old ladyish, who wears mumus really, and dressing like a wannabe young professional. Neither of which suits my current lifestyle. Why can't they make nice dresses for chubby people? Why the big prints? I feel fat enough already, why would I want to wear a puky brown dress with giant paisly pink and purple amoebas all over it?

I digress. I complain. I whine. Still it feels good. I'm frustrated and sometimes a little depressed. I really would like to look like one of those put together moms. I'd like to look hot and have people envying my husband instead of wondering why he married me. I never want my kids to be embarrassed of their mother. There is no happy ending to this diatribe. No moral to the story. I want all those things and don't see any way of getting it. There just isn't money for those kinds of things and won't be for a long time. I will have to satisfy myself with the 2 t-shirts for $20.00 deal.

Rise in Gas Prices

I received an email today asking me to stop gassing up at two of the top gas stations here in Canada. The idea is rather than to stop buying gas, which everyone knows won't work because we all are heavily reliant upon our vehicles, we just don't buy gas at the top two gas stations instead. This way we give all our business to the littler guy and some how force the big guns to lower gas prices.

Can it work? Will anyone even try?

I don't know. I mean I'm not a strong believe in conspiracy theories. I'd rather not believe my government is really underhanded and sneaky and if even half of those movies like Rendition are true, them I am really worried for our world. But like most Canadians, I'd rather duck my head and hope that it's not true.

Having said that; however, I do believe that rising gas prices being a necessity is a crock. I don't believe for a minute that it's necessary. I think our governments are running out of money and need the taxes too much. Why do you think tobbacco products are so expensive? Because of the taxes the government lays on them. It's the same way property taxes jumped up in my city. My house went up $100,000. Why? Not because land is so scarce, they are putting in building lot after building lot. No, it's because they need money to pay for the rise in water, sewer, traffic etc. costs. Just like they need to continue funding the war and peace keeping efforts. The War in Iraq may be over but I'm sure they are not done paying for it.

So that being said, I don't actually believe there is any way that we are going to be able to force gas prices down. It makes me wish that I had invested my money in a hybrid though.

Ever heard of the documentary "who killed the electric car". Check it out. Very informative and well worth watching.

Get, Set, Ready and SPEWWWWWWWW

Oh yes, we've proved parenting is not for wimps this weekend. My 4 year old, gets up Thursday night spewing, everywhere.......... Oh yum. The whole crew was up by midnight. Fortunately by 4 a.m. it was all over. Or, was it? Saturday, the baby starts spewing. He's the happiest little flu sick child I've ever see. He'd spew, get up and start running around laughing. Sunday, my 2 year old starting spewing. Fortunately, she started on an empty stomach so clean up was not so terrible.

Oh but the cream of it all was that we had bought tickets to go the Wiggles concert. You know, the Wiggles, a Australian, children's entertainers. Anyways, Hubby decides that since the baby bounced back so quick, J would too. So we pack up and head off on a 2 hour drive to V to see the Wiggles. She's thirsty, she drinks water. She spews. Oh yeah. All over her, the van, her car seat. Yeah.

We get to V. I'm feeling like a bad momma by this point, dragging my poor sick child around when she should be at home in bed. We get to the concert, she's stopped spewing by this point, thank god. I didn't want to have to explain to people why I brought a spewing child out in public. So we climb up to our seats, J flops in her seat and pretty much looks like she's about to pass out. E, (4 year old) and baby O was totally happy and loving it. We look down at J and for some reason her pullup/diaper decided to leak. Not only is she sick, she's also wet. Thank goodness, she didn't reek. I'm feeling pretty bad for her. I wrap her up so she doesn't get me wet and sit her on my lap. Half way through the concert, I start feeling queasy and before you know it I have to drop J off into her seat and leave hubby all alone with three kids and race down the stairs and along to the bathroom where I promptly lose my lunch. I barely made it. I wonder what my neighbours in the bathroom thought. So I make my way back to my seat to find J actually sleeping through the noisy concert.

I was never so relieved in my life that they keep kid's concerts short. On the way out we walked past washroom after washroom and I'm thinking I'm gonna have to get in there again but I didn't want to leave Husband with 3 little children in a crowded hall all alone so I waited as long as I could and finally had to just dump them off with him and run. There was some poor person in a wheelchair trying to get manouvered into the handicapped stall and I had to all but push them out of the way so I could get past and into the stall. I'm apologizing profusely not wanting to appear rude but there was no way I could have made it any longer.

We get out to the van and I'm using the baby syringes to get baby gravol into myself, I must have looked like a drug addict as I'm throwing my head back syringing it into my mouth. I have to say it was the longest drive home ever. I almost made it all the way but had to use the bucket when we were about 45 minutes away.

We get home, I'm dying. All I wanted to do was throw myself onto my bed but no, being the momma I've got to be the strong one and help husband out. Mainly because he wasn't feeling so hot himself. So we get the kids packed off to bed and I promptly get sick. E immediately got up. She seems to think I can hold a conversation with her about how I'm feeling while I'm in the middle of upchucking. Bless her heart though, she genuinely wanted to help take care of mommy and offered to help daddy with the little kids.

We eventually get ourselves to bed and my husband joins the ranks of the diseased and infected. At 4 am, J announces she's awake. Hubby tells her to go back to bed, she says no and he just says okay. We were so sick, we couldn't even muster up the energy to do basic parenting. We woke up to find her passed out on the couch. Something which never happens in our house.

So we've all since recovered. Not, however, without infecting the upstairs Nana and Papa first.

Parenting is definitely a very messy business.

I feel Better

Well, I feel better after my last rant. The next day I woke up in a much better mood and spent some necessary time just playing with my children. Needless to say I didn't get much done that day but in a way I did. My older daughter and I had a wonderful time creating a paper jungle while the little ones napped. All of us spent some serious time outside playing since we've had a change of weather and just all around had some fun.

Of course, that little niggle of guilt tried to jump in when my husband came home. Jane had a blowout in her pants (decided not to use the potty), he's having to deal with a poopy, squirmy 2 year old and wanted to be able to just throw her dirty pants in the wash but, of course, I had clean laundry in there and dry clothes in the dryer so he was a little peeved. Then the baby wants to crawl through all the while I'm trying to finish cooking supper so you can see where it got a little tense there for a moment. Murphy's law, it would have to happen on the day I left laundry in the machines! I have to admit though, I was pretty glad it was him and not me cleaning up the ****. :)

Ah the joys of potty training. We had transitioned from diapers to pull-ups when we thought she was pretty much on the ball with knowing when she has to go but she ended up becoming dependent on the pullups and stopped going potty again. So I have had to throw caution to the wind and just put regular underpants on her and let her at it. I realize this is the recommended way to potty train (except according to Pampers or Huggies *LOL*) but when you have 3 children, you do not have extra time to be mopping up puddles. So we have at least one wetting a day and we have succumbed to bribing with a treat. We are almost out of treats that's working so well. Now if we could just get 100% we'd be laughing. I am so not looking forward to potty training my son. We've been through 2 girls, I won't have a clue with a boy now.

We had a really good time this last weekend. We had to go grocery shopping and didn't want to leave the kids with the grandparents. Figured we had leaned on them too much lately so we decided rather than go to our usual grocery store we'd head out of town about a 45 drive minute to P.A. and shop there. It was around lunch time by the time we got there so we took the three children to a Chinese restaurant. They had a Sunday buffet there. Well normally we are very reluctant to actually eat at a nicer restaurant and mostly stick to fast food like Mc Donalds. However, we have sworn off Mc Donald's. I'm following a special diet and the last time we got it for my husband and the kids (a salad for me) it was disgusting. Every time you tell yourself, it will be better but it's just not. I can't eat for thinking about how bad all this garbage is for me. Anyways, the kids were as good as gold and better. The three of them sat as nice as you please, ate their food, didn't chase after us when we went up the buffet to get their food. Even the waittress asked us if the baby was always this good. He just smiled and flirted with her like crazy. We were so impressed with our little guys and made sure they knew it. The oldest loved it so much she asked if we could go there again next week. Of course, now she knows there's jello and icecream for dessert good luck getting her to eat any regular food if we go again. You can only really get one over them once.

They were pretty good grocery shopping too so maybe we are doing something right afterall!

Why oh Why

Today is one of those days I wonder why I ever became a parent. It's hard to remember 6 years ago that I was actually crying over the fact that I couldn't conceive. Of course, if I hadn't been able to experience parenthood, I'd still be depressed and crying over the fact. It's the classic grass is greener on the other side syndrome.

I miss not being able to sleep in on the weekends, I miss not being able to run out to the store for a few minutes or head to the mall and do some serious power shopping. I miss not being able to just pop out with my husband for coffee. I miss morning sex. (so does my husband)

I read magazine articles that moms need to get out and get together with girlfriends or doing something for themselves like going to a spa etc. I really don't find that that works. Of course, I enjoy going out etc. but I don't find suddenly that I have more patience or am in a better mood. My good mood is most often temporary, that is until I get home and have to deal with all the mom crap. Where is the deep well of sudden mom serenity? Are the articles really full of crap or are they just flat out lying? Maybe I'm expecting too much.

I'm not liking all the tantrums, arguments, power struggles. Let's face it, it's stressful to get three children under the age of 5 ready to go out. From finding boots to coats to snacks to drinks to diapers. By time I'm ready to go out the door my head is pounding. No wonder we don't go many places.

There's this friend of a friend who was telling me she got her 5 year old a drum set. Like a real drum set. I thought OH MY GOD!!!! How can you do that? Give a 5 year old a drum?!?! Are you insane. I said. "wow, kudos to you. I couldn't do that." It turns out she loves it. She loves the noise. She loves being a mom 100%. I felt like crap. I wish I could be like that. I wish I had all the patience of a saint to deal with it every day.

I'm not great at playing pretend games anymore. I used to love it when I was a kid but there's anything I'd rather be doing. I've gotten to the point that I hate messes so much that I'm not inclined to do something with my kids if it will make a big mess. I'm that sick of housework or I guess I'm just that lazy. I have to be totally in the right frame of mind to deal with it. My poor kids, right. Not really, they are happy and I give them all the love I have.

But I'm a stressed mom. I'm living in a small space with 5 people underneath my in-laws, who are perfect by the way. My husband used to work these incredibly crazy hours and now that he's home more, I'm working more. I own a store with my sister-in-law that's struggling financially and I'd like to get out of it only we have debt so I need to help pay that off before I can move on. So I work full-time nights 5 days a week and only have one day off with my husband.

I'm beginning to think living under my in-laws is starting to have a negative effect on me. It's been 3 years now and I'm just realizing now that that could be part of my problem. I feel like I have no privacy. If I yell at my kids then I have the added embarrassment that my in-laws have heard me lose my temper. I feel bad already when I lose it but does every one need to know too?

Every thing we do or forget to do is glaringly apparent. If we don't get on to something then they do which irritates me. Mainly cause it gets thrown up at us about how much they do etc and it never seems like we are sufficiently grateful because we're never allowed to forget it. But also because I would like to do stuff around the house too, it just has to fit in with our family schedule. If I say anything about what they've done, then I get the cold shoulder. It can go on for months. They are really nice people but what it comes down to is 4 adults living in the same house with different ways of doing things, only cause they're older their way is always right.

The only reason we all moved in together was because they were living in another town and it was hard for them to be able to afford to get into the real estate market. So we figured why not split a home. It's a lovely home but since we've moved downstairs, we are so cramped it's not even funny.

Hopefully we will have our financial situation sorted out and we will be able to afford to sell and buy somewhere else. The plan is for us all to have our own home again. Please lord soon.

Well, I have probably whined enough for one day. Tomorrow I probably will come back in and delete this post because I will regret being so candid.

All you can do is pick yourself up and keep trying. Trying to be better than you are. Trying to be the better parent you know you can be. Trying to be patient, more caring, more loving, more fun.

To Post or Not To Post?

I have a feeling that these blogs are going to be completely boring. I mean not much really happens in the life of a stay-at-home mom who works nights. Okay, does that really count as being a stay at home mom? I don't know but it should. I spend the entire day with my children and only miss their last 2 hours of the day before their bedtime. That's pretty much a fulltime mom in my books. Anyways, other than writing about what the latest thing my 2 year old flushed in the toilet or who embarrassed the shit out of me at the department store, life is pretty predictable. Raising children is not rocket science nor is it all that entertaining. How many times can YOU laugh over some cute thing someone else's kid said?

That really reinforces my theory that "real" reality t.v. would be completely boring. Who really wants to sit and watch me as I type my blog, cook dinner, wipe my kid's snotty nose. Eww gross did I really pick my underwear out of my butt on t.v.? Even my fav Kat & Jon plus 8, they don't sit and film them every day. They pick out events in their lives, going to the July 4th parade, going to the dentist, pumpkin farm etc... If they filmed Kate dealing with the kids everyday all day and then Jon coming home at night, do you think as many people would watch it? I sincerely doubt it.

Maybe if my day was creatively edited, like when I had to pick my two year old's poop off the floor because it was dropping out everywhere like rabbit turds and I had no time to run for kleenex because I was trying to make sure my 11 month old didn't touch it or even worse eat it. That would be kinda funny. (Did I mention that I also happened to step on one before I noticed what had happened YUM) At least it was to my husband when I told him about it later. Or when my 4 year old (then 18 months) some how found poster paint and painted herself, the carpet and left a lovely little handprint on the back of the door. I knew she'd been too damn quiet. To this day, I have no idea how she found the paint. Fortunately she was naked and I can still picture her cute little tummy covered in purple and brown paint. The funniest part was probably me. I was hysterical. I was literally freaking out because of the carpet. We'd just moved in and my in-laws lived downstairs and I could just imagine what they would say when they found out I "let" this happen.

So yeah, a few events in my life could possibly be entertaining enough for t.v. but I rather doubt it. Most of our personal life events are only entertaining to ourselves.

However, I do have to say though people today seem to have an almost unhealthy need to spy on other people's lives. Is it envy or just a need to escape our own boring lives?

When I first started this blog I had all sorts of rants I wanted to post but once I've thought them out and then actually get a chance to post it, I seem to lose it. So in the end, I'm not sure how long I will carry on posting. It would be nice to think some one else is interested in what I have to say but I doubt it.

We're BAAACK!

So we survived the big city. Mostly thanks to my inlaw's handy little GPS. Worked great, most of the time. What the little bugger doesn't know, is that it is virtually impossible to make a left hand turn on some streets. By the time it had re-directed us 3 times back to one of those impossible left hand turns, we were ready to huck it out the window with a ... "HERE, you turn left!" with lovely little visions of it being smashed to smithereens. It was really odd too, we'd change our route trying to find out way to a light or something, it'd recalculate tell us take a particular street say King street, then it'd tell us to get off King string onto Queen street. Well Queen street was this dinky little street you could barely drive a single car down never mind two only to get to the cross road we needed to turn left on... we'd look right and there was bloody King street with a nice great big light signal there. Why oh why did it redirect us onto Queen? I have no freakin idea, only this happened at least 4 times yesterday.

Other than that, I love the GPS thing. If we ever plan on doing a serious road trip I'd like to get one.

So the tests were good. I have made some improvement and some foods have been added back into my diet. The ones that I am most excited about are prawns, oysters and lobsters. YES!! I still can't do dairy, flour or red meat but I am finally able to have red potatoes. So that's good. They were surprised at how much better my blood looked so that was good to hear. All my hard work to eat properly etc. has been worth it. You're blood can't lie!

It was nice being away from the children for the day. They missed us though. I could tell because my son was upset when I went to work this evening and usually he's a pretty good about it. (he's the 11 month old) I just wish we had had some time to do some exploring and maybe even spend a night out but it's hard asking people to do that level of babysitting for you for a long period of time.

Today we went to LC's house. She's a great friend. Kidless but she gets what it's like having children. She's totally okay if my kids come over and make a mess at her house. She expects it and doesn't get uptight about. She actually invited us over to make cookies or rather attempt to make cookies modifying a recipe to only ingredients I can eat. See what a good friend she is, she was even willing to destroy good chocolate in an attempt to find me a decent cookie recipe. She even bought an excellent quality of chocolate for the attempt.

So we tried it and it turned out to be pretty runny. Thinking that I couldn't do butter, she had added olive oil to the mix. Yup, olive oil. Which is pretty strong tasting but you'd think molasses would have toned down the flavour. Nope! Not one bit. I suggested we add oatmeal to the batter to thicken it up a bit and then chill it. It worked not too badly so we or rather my girls plopped cookies onto the tray and we cooked them. They looked wonderful. That perfect brown colour that chocolate chip cookies should have. They even smelled alright. But when you bit into them, all I could taste was olive oil. My girls liked them and ate two sizable cookies. LC even had two but she confessed it was mainly for the chocolate. Which was true, if you ate the chocolate chunk parts it wasn't half bad but I just couldn't get past the olive oil taste. I have some ideas up my sleeve to try another attempt. Next time I'm going to combine butter and coconut oil and see how that plays out.

I have looked online at various celiac sites for recipes but the problem is that I can't have sugar or potato starch or corn flour etc.. so I found it be annoying to to actually sift through recipes that I can use. I just don't have all that much time to spend online.

So it's back to the drawing board but at least we had fun and a nice chance to visit and have tea.

It's Was a Long Day

It was a long day today. I had one of my headaches which is made more difficult by having to look after three children. I feel really bad when I tell my daughter that I can't play with her because my head hurts. Bless her heart though, she made me go lie down and covered me up with her blankies, brought me a glass of water and gave me a kiss, while telling me that if the baby woke up she'd come and get me. She's only 4 years old but she's got that mothering instinct already. I didn't get to sleep, my head hurt too much for that, but it did feel nice to be pampered even by a tiny mite like that.

So we are off to the big city tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it. It gives us a day away from the children, a welcome break in the routine. I have to say I am not one of those moms that miss their children a half hour after leaving them. I'm actually glad to get out of the house and away from them for a while. I'd like to think it makes me a better parent.

The only thing that I do worry about when we're gone, is how long is it okay with the babysitters to leave them. You see, usually one of our parents will babysit and you don't want to step on any ones toes and stay out too long. That's only real problem with free sitters. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't just ditch my kids all day any day of the week, I'm talking the once a month, we gotta run every possible errand we need to do in one day kind of shopping trip. I feel bad leaving the kids with the parents for so long but only on the parent's perspective. The kids, they love their grandparents and are more than happy to get some Nana and Papa time. AFterall, who spoils them more? Not me.

So, as I was saying we're off to the big City tomorrow to do some homeopathic testing. I went two months ago and have been on a restricted diet ever since. I had tons of food sensitivies so I have been limited from eating wheat, gluten, dairy, sugar and many other yummy tasting foods. Boy I sound pretty boring don't I. Well, it's been a struggle. I have done most of it except I have been unable to give up the chocolate bar habit. I am surrounded by chocolate at work and I struggled for three weeks before I finally gave in. Now that one slip has seemed to have doomed me. I can't seem to get that self control back. Otherwise, I have been sticking to the restricted diet pretty well. I've suffered through rice bread, spelt bread and now Kamut bread. It has expanded my horizons somewhat. I now drink Almond milk and eat rice pasta. Something I never would have thought to do before. Somethings are really good, like the rice pasta and somethings not so much, like spelt bread. I've found I can only truly tolerate it very well toasted or to put something really tasty in it. It's not that it tastes awful necessarily. It's just that it's a dense type of bread and doesn't really taste fully cooked.

Anyways, I'm going back tomorrow and hopefully I will be able to eat a wider variety of food and I hope to find that my blood has improved as well. When last I went it was pretty globby and unhealthy looking. I had had my gallbladder removed when I was 18 and I wouldn't be surprised if that contributed to a lot of my health issues.

One good side effect from this diet, is that it is almost completely eliminated my headaches. Yesterday and today were really the first headaches I've head in over a month. I used to get them almost daily. So it's a big improvement. It's especially important for me to pay attention to my health right now for my children's sake. It's no fun for them when mommy is constantly tired or sick. It's one of the primary reasons why we decided to pursue alternative medicine.

Well, I'm off to bed. I've got an early start tomorrow.

Do you ever watch Jon & Kate plus 8? If you don't know who I mean, they are a couple on TLC who had twin girls and then a couple of years later had sextuplets. They are documenting their lives on t.v. at the moment.

I am fascinated by this couple. Initially, by the nightmare that must be their life. Afterall, can you imagine having twin two year olds and then bringing home six little babies? Yet 3 years later and they are still laughing and enjoying it. What amazes me is how organized Kate is and obviously with 8 children she needs to be. Does she go completely crazy? Sometimes, but she's still amazingly in control. She inspires me because she's not a super mom, she makes mistakes. Her and her husband snip at each other and she has sworn on the odd occasion. They have all had meltdowns (adults and kids alike) and never have they made it like a hollywood life. It's real. I can relate to everything they are going through, except I have 3 not 8.

Yet, they get to do a little monolog about it afterwards. I think if everybody got to do that, you know look back and discuss why they behaved the way they did, it just might give us some insight into our mistakes, our motivations and ways to do better the next time. Of course, our husbands would go batty.

What has especially struck me by Jon and Kate is that two people can be in the middle of kiddie chaos with all that entails, which includes snapping at each other, and know that even though that happens they do love each other. That it's okay and it does happen to other people.

Somehow I always imagine other parents doing better than us. They are better at handling the endless questions, tantrums and just ooze patience all the while maintaing a perfectly tidy house. You know they are the ones that actually rotate their children's toys. So it's nice to see that there are other people out there who feels the same way that I do at times.

Kate also said something else that clicked for me. She said that it's okay that she's not the fun one. That her children see daddy as being the fun one and that's alright. She provides for pretty much everything else and that's okay. That was nice to hear because I've often felt that I had to try and be more fun and carefree like daddy on top of all the other stuff I have to do. Not that you shouldn't take time out to play with the kids sometimes but it takes off some of the pressure. Face it, we place enough expectations on ourselves as it is.

Still, you'd have to be pretty brave to put yourself out there on tv like that. If that were me, I'd be cringing because some days I just don't think I'm doing even half as good a job as Jon & Kate are doing. There are days like I feel like a big failure and other days I know I'm not doing a bad job after all.

Anyways, that's my thought for today.