; window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);} gtag('js', new Date()); gtag('config', 'UA-6252405-9'); In the Mommy Trenches: Birthday Parties Suck

Monday, June 27, 2011

Birthday Parties Suck

My so pessimistic today, aren’t I?   Well E celebrated her “8th” birthday party yesterday.  We planned all week, picked out stellar items for the goody bags, hemmed and hawed over decorations, I even bumped up the party a whole weekend so it wouldn’t fall over a holiday weekend.

I think I blogged last year about parent’s who don’t RSVP.  Last year’s party was a success compared to this one. We got two yes RSVPs and one can’t make it.

1 kid showed up.  1 out 10.  Yes, I even upped my invitation limit in the hopes that more kids would show up.  We did manage to get 2 kids to come when the girl who couldn’t make it family came back early from camping and quickly called and asked if she could still come.  A quick invite to her little brother made the party seem a little fuller than it would have otherwise been.

Now my gal was a trooper.  You could tell she was disappointed and bummed that more kids didn’t come but she sucked it up and put on her game face for her friends that did. 

But what I don’t get is why.  Why nobody came.  My kid is a likeable gal.  Everybody seems to like her.  It’s just when it comes to having one or two actual steady friends…. I don’t know. 

Sure she has her issues but what kid doesn’t.  She talks about these kids and it certainly seems like they are her friends but even her one best bud…. the bud who she had a play date with the Friday before the party… didn’t show.  This after specifically saying how she’d see E Sunday at her party and the mom didn’t even bat an eye and see one word about not being able to make it.

I know she plays on her own a bit.  She gets into games and if the other kids get bored and she doesn’t, she will just keep doing her thing even if the others leave.  So while, I’m glad she’s not being a total conformist because let’s face it that will stand her in good stead when she gets older, I feel like she’s set herself up for being a loner.

So, of course, I was up late last night racking my brain trying to figure out why this has happened.  What’s wrong with her, if anything, what have we done that contributed to this, how’s her hygiene, has her learning frustrations made her a social pariah?  I just don’t know and my heart hurts for her.  No one likes to see their child slighted. 

Even her dad could tell as they got closer to school, she started to get more and more quiet.  It must be hard to go in and face all those kids after talking up the party all last week.  The one best bud did come running up to her apparently apologizing for not making it but still.

It makes me hate this school and this town.  She never had these problems in her old school.  She was the same E there and almost everybody invited came to her parties then.  Seriously, we’ve even contemplated putting her into Christian school because the girl clics here are just terrible and basically she will be going to school with the same group of girls here till grade 7.  I just don’t see how we can afford it.

Of course her brother and sister see the up side of all this as they are already contemplating the joys of eating the candy from the left over goody bags.

Any moms of older kids have some advice for me? Am I taking this way to serious?


  1. I wish I could give you a hug and some advice. I'm so sorry E is going through this. I've been the child everyone loved to tease, and it sucks. All I can suggest is not to take it personally and see if there is an activity E would like to join that is away from school.
    Good luck!

  2. It's totally normal for you to feel this way. I think all moms - we have this angst about wanting our kids to be accepted and liked and may worry a lot about it. That being said, here's what I'm thinking. If your daughter seems happy/content with only a couple of close friends, then she may not need to change schools. She can definitely be happy without being popular or have a large number of friends. I work in an average public school, and you are right, girl cliques really do exist and can be ugly, at earlier and earlier ages it seems. If your gut tells you, or your daughter, that she would be happier at a different place, or that she is being bullied and you think it is best, then follow your gut instincts and have her go somewhere else if you like. However, it is totally possible that she can stay uninvolved with the girl cliques, have a couple of close friends throughout her school years, and still be happy...


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