A Dark Day

I lost my temper. Let me just get that out of the way as I am sitting here, at work, filled with remorse. I am sure I can find many excuses for doing so. I'm sleep deprived, O would still not sleep through the night. I was stressed at the moment.. the hood fan going, O crying and pushing at me as I am trying to dish out supper and prevent him from burning himself on the oven, E is crying, kicking and screaming and thrashing the walls on the stairway in her time out spot. I disagreed with K about the time out, thought he was being ridiculous about it. He had just literally walked in the door and already he's losing it and handing out time outs. Now, when I'm trying to get dinner on the table so I can go to work after. Plus, that kind of whiny crying makes me go crazy. I want to pull my hair out.

But the fact remains I, the adult, lost it. Said some things I shouldn't have to both my child and my husband. My husband walked out, he was so mad. Of course, he didn't go far, just went to the shop and sorted out the recycling but I was still a little worried but more still mad. Dinner didn't end up being served by me (I was so close to dumping the entire meal in the garbage, fortunately maturity prevailed). O sensed the tension and suddenly mommy was the only one that would do and it didn't include sitting at the table. That suited me, I grabbed his bottle and cuddled him on the couch till he was satisfied. He kept looking at me as to make sure I was still there. Not sure why but I guess kids are just more in tune with things that you think.

So stubborn me didn't eat supper and left as soon as it was my time to go with a quick goodbye. Part of me is still mad but part of me, the bigger part, knows that sometimes you have to just suck it up and get over it. I know when I go home my husband will have forgotten all about it while I may still be a little resentful.

Yet another difference between men and women. Women have minds like a microchip, we remember every little thing that goes on, every look, every word that was said. Men, forget everything and quite honestly most of the time have no clue as to what you are talking about. "Gee honey, what argument did we have about the laundry?" This is actually a good thing. You see K will have gotten over the fight and put it from his mind but me, 5 hours later will still be simmering about the "injustice of it all". Yeah, yeah, a little over dramatic but that's us women, drama, drama, drama.

That doesn't mean that I don't wish it all undone. Can't help but think what a sucky way for K to come home and have the whole house explode around him. We're supposed to be on the same team but sometimes it's just hard for us moms to step back and let the dad parent. K backs me up every time and even though he was extremely pissed at me, he still had E come and apologize to me for her behaviour on the stairs. So kudos to him for that.

One thing I have learned in the past 10 years of marriage and 5 plus years of parenting, is that you have to forgive, forget and get back on that horse and keep on working at it. I am not the most patient person in the world, as can be testified by this post today, but I do see the fault and I am trying to get the better of it. Some days are just better than others and I can thankfully say that these days, like today, are getting less.

So tomorrow, I will dust myself off and get back in the saddle. Thank God, my kids and husband love me and are very forgiving.

Zeemaid
In the mommy trenches