; window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);} gtag('js', new Date()); gtag('config', 'UA-6252405-9'); In the Mommy Trenches: It's My Party and You're Not Invited

Sunday, September 20, 2015

It's My Party and You're Not Invited

With all the party shaming going on these days and what with human nature being what it is, there is always someone willing to take advantage of people's generosity. As a parent of a special needs kid I decided to stop doing the big party for a different reason entirely.

You see (except for two years at this one terrible school) all the kids show up to my girl's party. That's because I throw rocking fun parties.  I don't mean over the top expensive Pinterest parties that only people with double incomes or at least larger incomes than we have can manage.  I just put a little more effort and thought into it than some of the other parents around here.  At least I think I do. I guess I wouldn't really know because my kid only received 1 party invitation the entire school year.

Not that it was my intention to try and show up any other parents out there.  I was just desperately trying to help my kid make friends.  From the mermaid under the sea parties to home spa where each girl had their nails done, face cream and foot soaks by yours truly to a hot dog, marshmallow roasting glamping party. I've thrown movie nights, hosted random cookie decorating parties and guess what? - 95% of the girl's show up.  Cause my girl has cool parties OR maybe they just have decent parents who make their kids go to any party they are invited to.

Last year at the glamping party one of her "friends" asked me how i was going to top this for the next party.  The problem is that even though these girls came and were nice to my girl,  that didn't stop them from grouping off together into their every day little girl groups, while mine is on the sidelines not really involved because she doesn't hang out with them often.  These girls sleep over at each other's houses, get together frequently and have tons of stuff to talk about with each other.  My girl is the one who's socially awkward and doesn't really fit in no matter how hard she tries.

So as I thought back to last year's party I asked myself what the point was.  Four years of mermaids, cookies, and spas didn't help her make one friend. Didn't help her fit in or be more accepted or included in the groups at school.   So why was I busting my butt doing parties for a bunch of kids I resent.  Cause let's face it, I do resent them.  It's hard not to when you see your kid side-lined time after time.

So this year I'm scraping the big party and inviting only 1 or 2 kids that actually take time for her.  I've talked to my daughter about it and she agrees with me that it would be better.  She's old enough now (12) that she gets it.  

I'll admit that I privately hope the other girl's from school will be disappointed when they realize they won't be invited this year.



  1. I feel you pain. My oldest was only invited to one party last year and two the year before that. Even though we had a big party for her, she still wasn't invited back. Last year she asked to take a family trip to the beach for her weekend. Done! Much better than throwing a party for kids that she doesn't get along with.

    1. I agree! Better to use the money you'd spend on a party and spend on it a family fun time instead!

  2. This made me almost cry. Sounds to me like you are a great mom doing her absolute best, and that the parents in your neighborhood need to teach their girls some "party etiquette" to say the very least. I'm over 50, but "back in the day", children were taught that while the guests were important, they were never to forget that this occasion was for the birthday-child's special day, and to behave accordingly (or they would not be invited back!). Usually, these problems correct themselves with age and maturity level, but if your daughter is too upset, may be best to try a different approach, like a family outing or with just one or two kids your daughter does have close ties with.

    I had boys, and I must say I admire your energy. I copped out by my eldest's 5th birthday, by sending the kids off to a place that specialized in organizing party activities. Maybe that might be something you could find for special needs kids, or even consider starting your own business that does just that? God bless you for your efforts, though!


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