Reflections of 3 Years

It's been almost three years since I've started blogging.  My reasons and motivations for blogging has gone through various changes from lofty ambitions of providing a detailed chronicle of our lives to sharing helpful parenting tips that I've learned.  Well day to day chronicling can be pretty boring.  Seriously, haven't I talked about my kid's bowel movements enough?  And parenting tips... well those are few and far between.

What this blog has done though is caused me to reflect and ponder life in a, hopefully, different way.

I think most of us struggle with mother hood in some way or another. There are those of us who are able to embrace the whole mommy hood thing wholeheartedly and with great joy and seem to relish every dirty, grimy moment.  I'm not that mom.  If you are that sort of mom, I wish I was you.

For example:  Here's what I hate about motherhood:

I hate the fighting. I hate cleaning.  I hate refereeing.  I hate not earning money.. my own money.  I hate struggling to pay bills while I stay home.  I hate dealing with the kids in public.  I hate that I have this high standard of how they should behave in public, which means I'm always stressed.  I hate planning everything. I hate not having more me time.  

On the other hand, here's what I love about parenting:

Reading to my kids.  Planning family fun night.  Snuggles, hugs and kisses.  Special surprises they plan just for mommy. Hunting for easter eggs, waiting for Santa, Dressing up, plays, concerts, exploring nature, colouring.  

Things I have learned about myself since I started blogging.

I am a bit of a whiner.  I spend a lot of time moaning and complaining about my life. Most days I can't help but think I've let a lot of opportunities slip by me.  

I find it hard to be content with where I am and what I am doing in the moment most of the time.  

I love my kids and I love my husband but I don't appreciate them enough. 

I like voicing my opinions here.  It gives me a voice where often I feel I have none.  

Things I have learned about myself since reading Blue Cottonmemory's blog post:  Divine Re-Design My Heart

I am not a generous giver of myself.
I do not always speak kindly or courteously to my children.
I do not always correct my children in love.
I am sometimes resentful that I do not still come first.


Most importantly, blogging has enabled me to connect with other parents who are just like me. It has shown me that I'm not alone in my feelings and helps me not feel so bad about those feelings. Parts of me still does feel bad because I wish I could be better and do better than I have done.  But then again who doesn't feel they could be better? 

In my analyzing ways, blogging has also helped me to realize that every day is a new day and there's always tomorrow to try again.  Thank God, children are forgiving.   

What has blogging taught you?