Gee, My House Used to be Pretty

You know my house used to be pretty.  I used to have lovely family photos in lovely picture frames gracing every available surface with knickknacks and doilies on shelves (yes I still use doilies and I'm not 100) and I'm not talking cluttered.  Just nicely arranged.   I used to have nice furniture that I didn't have to worry about vomit and milk spills.  I used to have coffee tables and side tables and all sorts of things that had dangerous corners.   My funniest compliment I had was from my sister-in-law. At some family do we were hosting I noticed her scoping out my decor and she said..."gee your house is so grown up."   Gee, I'm in my 30's so shouldn't it be?

Now my house has replaced pretty with functional.  My nice furniture is now the old furniture that will go in the family room(If our house ever sells and we can afford to buy a new one) and we'll buy new "nice" furniture one day. And that's okay.  It's for a short time.  

I had to laugh though when I was first starting out with my E.  My mom told me that I shouldn't put everything away that I should be able to "teach" E not to touch.  So I left one Angel statue decoration thingy out.  It was lovely... It's one of those Angels standing over a rocking baby cradle, had a music box inside.   Beautiful.  Anyways, so I was working with E about leaving it alone.  Sure enough I wasn't looking and E knocked it down and the wings broke off.  I told my mother and she said to me... "Well, you should have had that put away."  What ?!?!?!.     Fortunately, the wings can be glued back on.  4 years later they still aren't, they just kind of hover precariously on the angel's back. *L*

I still like my house, I just miss my decorations.  Can you imagine how exciting it will be when I can actually unpack those boxes.  It'll be like Christmas all over again, rediscovering favourite things.  Course, some of my stuff is packed cause we're selling our house.  But otherwise we're still looking at a good 4 years of being baby proofed.   When E was a baby I had thought we would have been passed this by age five, so I would have been thinking right now.. O is almost two, one more year and we should be good right?  No.  E still touches everything.  She thinks it's her right to take anything of mine and play with it.  We sure learned that with the Xmas ornaments. The tree did not stay pretty for even a day.  We had J, E and O all in there.  We tried time outs, yelling, threats.. none of it worked.  We'd still find xmas ornaments all over.  They even stuck one of those beaded candy canes in their heat register.  YUM.  Now that was a toxic smell.  It took days to get the smell out of the house and the melted beads out of the register.  Was that the last time they took them off the tree? No. 

So my dream is... when we finally move and get our new house that hubby and I will have a decent size bedroom and it can become kind a like a mini oasis.  That's what I would love to have. However, that's where fantasy and reality sort of clash.  While I may dream about that dream room set out in the home decorating magazine, reality is that normal people(as in people who can't afford maids) don't live like that.  I'm not lazy (okay so I am) but it's impossible to stay that organized, neat and tidy unless you invest 150% into it all of the time.   I don't want to live my life like that.  I really like my novels er I mean my kids.  I don't want to have to train them like dogs to stay off or out.  Kids are kids. They will still sneak in and land a dirty face print right onto that $500.00 designer duvet cover you just bought.   I want my kids to be comfortable in their own home.  It's their house too.

Refinance your mortgage and save some money for home decorations. 

Zeemaid

Insights I've learned through Blogging (An Introspective)

When I first started blogging, I thought Hey I've got an opinion why not share it with the world. Pretty egotistical, huh? I'm sure I'm not the only one out here that wanted to get up on that soap box.  I wasn't really interested in reading other people's blogs.   However, I quickly realized that no one would actually even see my blog unless I got out there and started crawling around some networks and started to read other people's posts etc and comment.   

It's not that I'm completely narcissistic (not completely I said), it's just I didn't figure I really had the time.  After all I'm caring for three little children and it's a big stretch to even just get on and post something which was usually whining about how tough my life is.  Then something happened, I started to "meet" people and enjoyed reading their blogs.  I even found some of them to be inspiring and made me want to shed off my negativity and try to be more positive in my own outlook. 

So here's what I've learned.  

That there are moms/wives out there doing all this by themselves because their husbands have to be away. 

That there are wives out there struggling to run a family and take care of their sick husbands. 

That there are families out there with sick and possibly dying children. 

That there are families out there that are seriously afraid of losing their jobs. 

That are families out there that are raising more than 3 children and doing it to all appearances, really, really well. 

That connections with people even people you may never meet and live in a different city and possibly even a different country all join in to create the feeling of a global community in which we receive help, encouragement and support from one another. 

That no matter what, no matter when, there is always someone else out there that has it just a little bit tougher than I do. 

So a little reminder to me of what I do have.  

I  have a wonderfully, loving and supportive husband who comes home to me every night. 

I have 3 very healthy children and thank God for them. 

I have a roof over my head and a job which may not pay much but it's mine and it gives me the flexibility to work the hours I want and need to best suit my children. 

I have extended family who can help when I need them. 

I have my own health. 

I have at least one close friend whom I can share most everything with. 

I have the internet and the ability to reach and be inspired by the journeys of others. 

Of course, I have God. 

There are so many other things I have to be thankful for but I need to go and tend to my children at the moment.  Their needs must come first. 

Zeemaid

I just Love it When a Man Has a Plan

Well, I love it when my man has a plan that is.  Lately he's been asking me if I want to get his parents to sit so we can go out.  Me... I've been a bit of a bump on the log er couch lately.  I just want to stay home and watch a flick.  Okay so that's my job but sometimes I'm just in a stay at home mood, put your feet, grab a cup of tea and relax.  So the answer lately has been "nah let's just stay in and watch LOTR."  

My poor put upon hubby decided that was it. He's been working extra shifts and we've had the bedtime battles with O every night so I guess he felt he really needed a break.  He announced to me on Tuesday that he had made arrangements with his mom to babysit Wed so we could go out for dinner.  How nice was that?  I guess he figured I couldn't say no when the plans were already made.  Just makes me think how much of a stick in the mud I must have been lately that actually made my husband take initiative and arrange babysitting. 

Do you know what I mean?  How many men out there really make the plans in your house? I try to get my man to put his 2 cents in but it often is like pulling teeth.  He's content to go out and everything, it's just up to me to usually actually make the plans, set the time etc.  (Mind you I still had to confirm with his mom and set the time and outline the plan for the evening with the kids to his mom etc)  But hey, he wanted to go out and so he set the plan in motion. 

So we went out to Moxies.  We had a very lovely dinner.  Made even lovelier by the fact that we had a gift card from friends so we were able to splurge a little and I supersized my Bellini. Normally, we're not drinkers but occasionally I like a sip or two and I do like my girly drinks.  (I just had one)

So it was nice.  Then we went to.... (big dramatic pause)  Wal-Mart.  Yup.  You know you're married with kids when you're big night out means that you end up at Wal-Mart afterwards because hey you get to go shopping without the kids and how often do you get to do that. 

Zeemaid

P.S.  Sorry for all the background changes... but this last pink one is too bismally as in pepto.  I'm just trying to find one that'll stick. *L*

Panties or Underwear?

Okay, this has got to come under the most weirdest post ever and no I'm not being pervy or x-rated.... or at least I don't think I am.

This was a late night conversation with hubby (he loves to bring up these strange conversations right as I'm falling asleep). He starts with... "what would you think if I said you had sexy panties?" I'm like... what? At first I'm thinking okay he wants to know if I'd think he was a perv and thing he wanted to get into my panties (literally) if I heard him say that. So I'm all like cautious and say "well it depends on the context of the situation at the time." and I'm thinking who has he been talking to and what has he been saying now.

Apparently, he was listening to the local radio station (you can imagine my relief) well as local as we can get to the next big City near us, and apparently they started discussing the terminology of Panties vs. Underwear. APPARENTLY, saying panties is a big NO NO. APPARENTLY, women get all freaked out if men say the word panties and instantly assume that the man is a pervert or worse a pedophile.

Ummmm.... am I living on a different planet or even possibly a different country? Since when is the word panties offensive or perverted and how did it come to be termed so. I was somewhat kerflummoxed and my husband swears up and down that not only the female radio host was ranting on the male host to stop saying panties but also their female listeners were calling in furious with him and that they wanted to punch him in the mouth every time they heard him say panties.

So if that is truly the case.... I have a wee confession to make. We use the word panties all the time. Most of often it refers to my girls' underwear because my big ol mom underwear just doesn't seem panty like anymore. I don't think it's offensive or perverted. I have probably made about one billion panty references in my life. It's always been men have underwear (or ginch) and girls have panties. Panties just sound more feminine don't they? Why else to they call it panti-liners. They don't call it underwear or ginch liners. Heck, even on Sears' webpage when you look up women's underwear it's under... intimates then panties. Can a big corporate company be so wrong? (a little facetiousness there.)

Am I living in a bubble? Or is it just the "big city folk" who freak all over things like this. What's next... pajamas instead of nighties?

Zeemaid

Here we go Again, again

I thought we were all done with the sleep deprived thing.  Before Christmas we had a bad time with O for a couple of months where he wouldn't go to bed without us having to sit in his room, getting up multiple times a night etc.  What made it worse is that if he cries he throws up.  

Well, we're back to square one again.  Even bribing him with a bottle (I know it's  wrong but hey I need sleep) doesn't work.  The last several nights I have been getting up 3 or 4 x a night and sitting in his room until he falls asleep and longer because I fall asleep in the rocker.  If I had a bed in his room, I tell you I'd just bunk there.  

When we had taken him to the dr. a couple of weeks ago, the doctor said there was a lot a mucus in his throat like he had allergies.  So we've been giving him allergy medicine to see if it helped.  The mucus is what makes him gag then throw up.  We also put an air purifier in his room because lo and behold he is now sleeping in the same room his Nana used to sleep in and she developed very severe allergies while when we moved into this home.  It all seemed to help, at first.  

K doesn't want to keep giving him medicine every night because the bottle says max 2 weeks at a time.  Well, he's on it a couple of days then we stop for several then start again.  I don't know.  It can't still be his teeth can it?  We've been giving him advil before bed.  Again, you don't want to drug them up every day.  Plus he was normally a voracious bottle drinker suddenly he's cut his milk consumption down by at least half.  I'm all for it because my kids were all baba babies and it was the only hard habit we had to break so if he does it on his own.  YEAH.  Specially cause doctors and the health nurses are all dead against using bottles still.  It's such a comfort thing for my kids and normally it's not an issue.  J (who's 3) still has one a day at bedtime and she religiously asks for it because she loves it so much.  So even though I don't think it's a big deal, I am a little embarrased to admit that he still has them.  

Anyways... so any ideas on how to get him to sleep through the night?  I should mention that he doesn't make me sit in his room when he goes down for naps (crossing my fingers) cause so far I've had no problems with nap times.  

And we're talking about kid who was the easiester kid to put to bed in all time.  He goes down with his blankie and his lala (gloworm), lights out, door shut, done deal.  Why would he suddenly develop separation anxiety?

I'm at a loss. 

Zeemaid

9 Reasons Why My Life is Like a Romance Novel

I thought it'd be fun and appropriate for the "love holiday" that's around the corner. We're always comparing what's lacking right? So just what defines a Romance Novel? I wiki'd it.

Definition: "...the main plot of a romance novel must revolve around the two people as they develop romantic love for each other and work to build a relationship together. Both the conflict and the climax of the novel should be directly related to that core theme of developing a romantic relationship, although the novel can also contain subplots that do not specifically relate to the main characters' romantic love. Furthermore, a romance novel must have an "emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending."

So here goes:

1. When we first met, I was dating someone else but I was instantly attracted to him. I couldn't get rid of my current boyfriend fast enough.
2. There were opposing forces trying to keep us from getting together. Too many people had opinions about it and were sticking their noses in. It's a long story. :( Despite it all, we persevered and after 5 years of on and off dating we finally got serious and got married.
3. My husband loves me and me alone. His love is unconditional, it doesn't matter what I look like, what I'm wearing or even how much I weigh. I'm his dream woman.
4. Ditto for me. He's my Mr.Darcy. Do I need to dream for tall, dark and handsome to show up? Uh uh. I've already got it in this hunky 6'5" package.
5. There is always something going on. Life is never really dull. There's always drama, drama, drama. Losing a job, finding a new one. Will our house sell? Are we moving? Am I making fish sticks for dinner?
6. There's always passion. No more needs to be said *wink*
7. We are continually working together to build a better relationship and develop our love into something deeper and more meaningful.
8. Romance is in the small things, from candlelit dinner to having tea ready when I come home from work to sharing secret smiles over the heads of our children.

and #9. Just how much more emotionally satisfying and optimistic can you get knowing that the two of you are both striving towards the same thing.... retirement and the day when the kids have flown the coop.

Zeemaid

Check it Out

First I just want to ask... how on earth do people design such cool blog graphics? Are they stealing it or do these people have some kind of design abilities that I need to learn? All my graphis are stolen er borrowed. (I do always make sure I check before I borrow) =) I'd love to have a cool title blog across the screen.

Anyways, I'm bumping along browsing through some blogs and I came across the Parenting Pink Blog. Pretty neat blog, cool blog graphics but what I liked most is this one particular blog about how a messy house is actually a good thing. Read it here.

Turns out I shouldn't stress about cleaning so much after all. A cluttered house actually stimulates the creative flow. No wonder my E is so creative. Because my house continues to remain cluttered despite my best efforts.

Zeemaid

Death to Self

Death to Self.  I've been turning this phrase over in my mind today. 

That's what it takes to raise good kids these days. We have to lay aside all our own wants needs and desires and put them first.   Which, of course, we all do to some extent.  I would hope that all of us would put our kids first when it comes to making sure they are fed well and cared for properly.  But it's so much more than that. 

It means getting down on the floor and barking like a dog when what I really want to do is finish off the last chapter of my novel.  

It means, giving up that last bite of cookie because I have three eager faces drooling over it.  It means getting up for the fify millioneth time to get someone a drink.  

It means packing them all up and taking them to the swimming pool where I will have to wear a bathing suit (EGAD) and get wet and cold and shiver while I get THEM changed first and then have them impatiently pull on me while I try to change when I'd rather be at the mall looking for good bargains.  (I absolutely hate standing in a wet suit in a cold changing room trying to dress and undress kids). 

It means letting them do crafts and not getting uptight about the mess.  

It means stopping yourself and taking a big breath before you start to discipline when your first instinct is to yell. 

It means worrying about their emotional wellbeing and not just their physical being. 

There is no doubt about it that lately I've been struggling with this.  It's easy to put off the kids when you are tired and grumpy. I keep thinking if only O would let me get a decent night sleep or if only my mood was better or I didn't have that headache.  

All I can say is that Thank God tomorrow is a new day because then I get to try again and hopefully with His Grace, do better. 

Zeemaid

ARG!

Okay, so not exactly an original title but it's how I feel at the moment.  I love my inlaws dearly.  They really are lovely people.  I just have problems with them constantly going through my house.  ARG!

They've offered to come down and watch the kids each day while I run E down the street to kindergarten.  Lovely really.  It's so helpful not to have to juggle the kids at the school not to mention I don't have to worry about getting them dressed.  So I appreciate it, really I do.  

But.... I hate coming home to find my mother-in-law going through my house.  Last week it was the kids toys.  She saw we had put some toy blocks in our storage room (again, how did she know they were there if she wasn't snooping?) so she decided to go through all the toys and find any more of the blocks because she decided she wanted them.  Did she ask me?  No.  Yesterday, I come home after being gone for the afternoon to find that they spent time downstairs fiddling.  Okay, so papa replaced the burnt out bulb in O's room but really, where's my sense of space and privacy?  They didn't tell me that they were going to do that.  

Today I come home to find her in our short pantry cupboard and noticed that the hinge was loose.  Why didn't I tell them the screw had come out?!?!?   No reason for her to be in that cupboard at all.  ARGGGGGGGGG. 

Small things I know and I really, really ought to be appreciative and I am to a certain extent.  I just like my privacy.  I feel like I never measure up.  My house is always a mess etc.....  It always seems that when I don't leave the house tidy that that's when they decide to suddenly come down and do a project.  

Am I being completely unreasonable?  Probably.  After all they are doing it for me but some how it just ticks me off that these things get done by them.  It really should be getting done by myself and my husband.  O's lights were burnt out for 3 or 4 days.  Hubby could easily have fixed it.  I couldn't cause it was one of those weird unscrewable lights etc.  Granted hubby has been working a lot, he hasn't had a day off in 10 days so I really don't fault him for not getting it done. 

Then they feel  they've got to organize us. K was warming up the van for me, scraping my windows etc.  They pop their heads out the window and tell him not to bother, they will drive me.  So I had to get driven to school with my daughter.  I felt like I was 16... with a child.  Then because they are paranoid about people dinging their car door, he takes up two stalls in an already very small parking lot.  How embarassing.  My hubby was floored when I told him about it.  So when they offered to drive me today... at least they offered today it wasn't a direct order like yesterday, I was able to say no.  I'd rather walk. 

CHA

Zeemaid

Good Grief

Mommy:  "E, I'm so sorry your fish died."

E:              "I'm sad that Goldie died.  I'm gonna miss him."

Mommy:  "I know sweetie."  patting E comfortingly.

E:            "Can we get a turtle now?"

Mommy:  "Uh no sweetie we can't get a turtle."

I swear that was our conversation.  It sounds almost familiar somehow like I read it in a mag, you know the ones that post those funny things kids say.  Just goes to show that kids are universal. 

So no we're not getting a turtle.   I can't get those kids to wash their hands consistently after going to the bathroom never mind adding a turtle into the mix. At least with the fish they just feed it and it does it's own thing.  I do not need any more poop in my house.  

Several hours later, E told me she wanted a horse.  Do you think she's catching on?  You know, ask for something really big and then maybe she'll get the turtle afterall? 

Cheers, 

Zeemaid

Things I like

Here's a flash I got while putting movies away at work, I happened to glance down at my feet.

Do you know what I like? Socks. Not plain old socks mind you, funky socks with a capital FUNK. I tend to stray towards girly socks but as other people sometimes buy socks for me like my mom and my hubby, I don't always get the girly colours. Sometimes I have to suffer with blues on blues or even black and gold stripped socks (they're so not pretty); however, I still like em cause they're different. I'm currently wearing salmon pink socks with white snowflakes on them. They are well displayed because I wear those Skecher's mary jane type runners with the cross over strap.

They sell all these cool socks but just how many people do you actually see wearing interesting socks? Maybe I just haven't been paying attention, I'm probably more concerned with my own feet. Although I do notice pretty nail polish on toes.

My thing is, it's simple. I can't afford a snazzy wardrobe or funky shoes which frankly just make your feet hurt anyways. Really, why are there no sexy shoes that take orthotics? Nowadays (listen to me I sound so old nowadays) you can even get socks at the dollar store. Okay they're thin and poor quality but they are... cheap. So it's a small thing to make my day cheery. My kids like them, even my doctor likes them. It's gotta make you laugh when you put your legs up in those old stirrups (I was expecting baby #2) and my doctor chuckled and said he liked my socks. I got a kick out of that. Socks don't have to be practical. They can be fun.

It's kind of like wearing pretty underwear only it's much cheaper and you don't have to be naked to appreciate.

While I'm on a role here... know what else I like? Tea. Not coffee, tea. And not that herbal crap. Okay it's not crap, but for me it's gotta be good old black tea. Tetley is our current brand of choice. It's been making us a perfect cup of tea for years now.

There is just something so soothing, so calming about tea. When I'm stressed or having a bad day, a cup of tea sets me up just fine. When my tummy is queasy, tea helps. My favourite mummy relaxing moment in time is making a hot cup of tea and picking up my latest book for a good read.

I like a tea that I can add milk and a little sugar to it. It's not tea without the milk and sugar. I can't really understand those that don't put milk in their tea. YUCK. And I have this one friend I have a hard time really connecting with.. we get together with the kids etc.. and I think it's because she doesn't drink tea. It's just easier to bond over tea. The whole ritual of boiling water, steeping a pot and picking out nice cups or mugs.

In fact, my husband and I literally dated over tea. We spent countless evenings just drinking tea and talking. No t.v., just us, drinking tea and talking for hours. If he was a coffee lover only.... I just don't think it would have happened. We still (almost ten years later) end each day by having a cup of tea together before bed. We can still talk for hours too.

So that's what I like. Careful.. I'm sure there's more. *L*

Zeemaid

Too much negativity?

So you may have all noticed that I've been a little negative lately.  You'll see that from time to time. I go up and I go down.  Always have.  My mood swings are pretty amazing and by amazing I mean awful.  I've had problems with it since I was in my teens.  Most of the time I've got a pretty good handle on it but throw in children, work, selling a house, living with inlaws etc  and it often rears up it's ugly head, especially since I've had my third child. 

Looking back to 2007, I think I may have had a small case of postpartum depression.  Last year my swings were so bad I thought I was going to go bananas.  I never did tell hubby just how bad it was but I seriously wanted to go see the doc and get some happy pills.  Now that's not to minimize or belittle those with issues and those who take medication to help them stay balanced.  I'm just saying I was beginning to realize that I really needed help. The problem is with reaching out for help is that fear that people will think you are crazy and take your children away. 

That's when I started with the whole healthy living thing, food sensitivity testing etc. mentioned in posts from February through April 2008.   What I primarily found out... eating with food sensitivities costs a lot of money.  So much so that we had to discontinue it.  I couldn't afford to buying $5.00 loaves of bread every week on top of all the other  food that passes for gluten free etc.  Our grocery bill almost tripled and we just don't have the money for that. 

And one of those not taking time for me things... I'm lousy for getting in to see the doctor.  So I finally managed to make it, albeit with 2 kids so it was hard to really chat.  Long story short, I'm going to go on a progesterone pill.  My hormones are imbalanced and I have too much estrogen.  Case and point was when I could only get pregnant by using progesterone cream after going through infertility treatment.  

And No, we're not trying again.  I pretty much have realized that until I get my emotions under better control there was absolutely no way I should be adding to my stress by trying to have another baby.  Let's just keep the ones I already have happy and not subject them to an even more stressed out mommy.  

So I'm starting that pretty quick and hopefully it will help.  As the doctor says, that may not be the whole issue but hey even it's only 1/2, it will help.  I'm hoping so anyways and so is my husband and I'm sure my entire family.  They all hate my tears.  Did I mention I was a crier.  I cry over everything, which I hate.  

And having said all of that... yada yada yada, I have to say I was thrilled to see that I have four, count em 4, followers.  It really perked up my day to see that people actually did enjoy reading what I had to say despite some of my whining.  So thank you to those that follow and to those that take the time to leave comments.  I love the fact that by blogging I have become a part of a larger community. 

So a great big hug and thank you to all. 

Zeemaid

Family Tree

It's going to be my parents 40th wedding anniversary on February 14th.  Yeah, I know.  Valentines Day.  Apparently, according to my mother it was not planned that way.  They wanted the church for the Friday prior but it wasn't available so went for the next weekend which ended up being V.D.  er that doesn't look so great abbreviated.

Anywho as I was saying my parents 40th is coming up.  Now my mom has absolutely 100% vetoed, kaiboshed (sp?), forbidden and all out pooped upon any idea of a shindig.  So pressures off right?  No!! Cause I'm a good daughter.  I want to do something for them that doesn't totally fall under the category of lame. 

Option #1:  Send em to Reno by bus.  Ooops forgot about the new passport laws.  We (meaning Canadians) can no longer step foot over the border sans passport.  (Notice the french I threw in there?  It's a Canadian thing)

Option #2:  Send em to a Hockey game.  Oops  all the Canuck games have been sold out for the past two years.  I can buy them tickets if I sign up for some membership thing and buy somebody season ticket holders tickets for a game at the price of $217.00 a pop plus fees and taxes yada yada yada.  

Option #3:  Take em out to a swanky restaurant sans (again with the French) my 3 children because hey they're still at the let's crawl under the table and explore stage.  Never mind that swanky restaurants don't even have crayons.  

Option #4:  Have supper at my brother's house. Either cook or get it catered.  HMMM that has more possibilities but does it fall under the lameness category? 

So... so far I've got this (see pic above).  I just ordered if off of Ebay and I'm going to do our family tree.  Hopefully.  Maybe.  We'll see.   Don't sound too confident do I?  You all know how tough it is juggling kids, work and projects.  So it's a we'll see. I'm gonna give it my darndest and hope for the best. 

Cha cha cha

Thank the Good Lord for Nanas

I think the post should say... All is quiet on the western front.  That's how it feels today.  After my usual morning routine... E asked if she could go up and visit Nana after the O'ster went down for his nap. (mom holds her breath)  Nana said yes.  So after lunch off the little darlings went.  O to slumberland and J &E to Nanaland.  These are the days I absolutely LOVE living with the inlaws. 

So here I am about to sit down with a book, the water's boiling for tea, I've got 3 macadamia nut cookies... okay I'm lying I've got 6 cookies baking in the oven as we speak er type and for a short little while all is peaceful and good in my world.  Until at least 2:00 p.m. that is. 

Do you struggle with the me time?  Like I have this small window of peace, shouldn't I really be organizing my drawers, sorting through toys, folding laundry, you know all those things that are difficult to do with the kids running around?  I struggle with it.  Because let's face it, I'd rather not be cleaning right now.  I want to be doing this, reading, drinking tea or even having a short nap on the sofa.  I'd rather try and clean while my kids are around (bad mommy) so when I have these breaks they really can be "me" breaks.  My dishes are done, the floor only has 6 toys currently on it.  The masses of laundry are for once put away.  So I figure I should be relatively guilt free.  The hidden messes like the junk drawer are just that.. hidden.  So I'm not going to feel bad about that.  

I've found I'm getting good at cleaning creatively.  I either get the kids involved.  Who knew throwing dirty laundry in the washing machine was just so much fun.  If your kids help you, do make sure you check the machine before you turn the water on, sometimes when O runs out of clothes, he finds other things to toss in there.  Soggy toilet paper roll in a load of darks.  YUM!  So we'll clean, then play, then clean, then play and so on. 

DING... ahhhh cookies are ready.  Okay.. so envy me just a little right now.  It's okay because the next quiet moment you get.. I will be looking on with envy. 

A Toast to the me time!

Cheers

Zeemaid

Where was I going

Sometimes I wonder if there is more to life than this.   I spend my days with three children under 5, then work four nights a week.  Free time is pretty much nil.  Whatever hobbies I used to have has flown out of the proverbial window.  I can't even seem to squeeze in exercise time, something which is a must because of my high blood pressure.  Gee, the only time I can do it... is if I GET UP EARLIER.  Can I just say... so bite me? 

We own two video stores so the free evenings I do have means I HAVE to watch movies.  I'm sorry but apart from the fact that my movies are free.. it really has soured the whole joy of staying home and popping a video in.  I'm the type of person that can multitask while I watch a film only if I have seen it before. Otherwise, I miss too much stuff and I like to catch all the dialogue.  I'm a reader so I LIKE dialogue.  We even put subtitles on just so we can catch every word. 

Someone asked me... what do  I do for myself?  What?  Do something for me?  Get out!   Okay, occasionally and I do mean occasionally I do get out to do something girly like go to the spa but those trips are few and far between and mainly only on the insistence of a girl friend who treated me for my birthday.  Otherwise, I have no time.  Any time I could free up would require babysitting.  I don't know about you but I hate asking my parents or inlaws to babysit very often.  My mother never sounds very enthusiastic.  She loves my kids, I just think she likes them more on a visiting basis.  Occasionally she comes and takes E for an afternoon but she still works so she doesn't have a lot of time for it.  Add that to she hates to drive at night etc..  My mom-in-law is willing most of the time but she's older so 3 kids poop her out.  They're always doing little sits for us, like watching the kids in the a.m. so I can take E to school and coming down after they are in bed once in a while so K and I can go out.  But that's it and we don't have a regular teenage babysitter.  We have no clue how to go about finding a sitter we can trust.  Let's face it, stranger babysitters are a whole new complication.  My 14 year old nephew babysat once but he didn't even change O's diaper in 5 hours.  Course he's never had to do it before. 

So life seems very drudge-like at the moment.  The only small pleasures I get in is when I'm reading, usually while the kids are sleeping.  Most days my kids are fun but there are lots and lots of days they're just so much work.  Like what we like to call the "summer of sick" cause they were all so sick for almost the entire summer.  It's hard to keep them entertained in weather like this so often then end up running screaming through the house chasing each other.  They've got to burn off the energy somehow but boy oh boy it's loud.  I seriously need to invest in ear plugs. 

Do you ever find that you get to where you just don't care anymore, you just don't have it in you to settle out one more dispute, force one more kid to share, sort out what happened? More and more I find myself at that point and let's face it, it's not pretty. 

I guess I'm not so much whiny as just stating a few life realities at the moment.  I've come across a few blogs and some friends of friends who are amazingly enthusiastic about their mom job and love every little dirty, screaming, nit picking little aspect of it.   They have nothing negative to say.  NOTHING.  Yes, Johnny can have a drum set.  A DRUM SET.  Are they for real?  I just want to smack them.   Yeah it's selfish.  They annoy the crap out of me because I can't meet that standard.  The bar is just too damn high.  I don't love my mom job.  It's a job I do.  I love my kids by quite frankly they drive me crazy say 75% of the time.  I didn't expect parenthood to be this tough, this demanding.  

So it makes me feel like a bad parent because I don't love all of it.  Then I feel bad and wonder what's wrong with me.  Then I see my daughter laughing her head off and clambering all over me because we're having fun together and think, okay, I'm not such a bad parent after all. I do have fun with them, I'm constantly thinking up fun things we can do together as a family.  Our weekends are primarily spent with trying to do something for the kids.  

I'm convinced that those "perfect" parents are not parent of the year models.  I just think they're some how able to look above all the crap and only see the good stuff.  Kinda like the glass half empty,  glass half full theory.  Whereas I often only see the bad.  

I've been interrupted so many times that I have no idea where I was going anymore or what more I had to say.  I think I had more of a point to make but I'm lost.  

So, is this it?  If so, how can I make life better or more fulfilling because right now I have to say I'm barely getting by and when I die my life will be barely a blip on the radar of life.  How boring I've been.  Sometimes I just wish I had the guts to live life a little more fuller. 

Zeemaid

A wee confession

I have a confession.  Something happened when we were undecorating.  It was 100% my fault.  I should have known better but I was being pissy that day.  Hubby doesn't know yet and probably won't (unless he reads this post which he doesn't usually) until next year when we go to decorate the tree again. 

(dramatic pause) I broke an ornament well several ornaments really.  We opted not to put the glass balls on the tree this year you know because the kids might break them.  So we left them in their boxes in the bin.  Well I brought out the bin and sort of dropped it on the floor.  I was being grumpy because K was being grumpy so I didn't set the bin carefully down like I should have.  Now I would not have knowingly done this. I forgot we had breakables in there.  Stupid me.  When I opened up the bin I said to myself... Oops!  When I looked closer I saw that many of them were broken. Crap!  Did I confess and clean out the bin and toss the broken ornaments? No, of course not.  I simply covered them up with something else and proceeded to undecorate the tree.  

Then, because I was still being grumpy I stimply tossed all the non breakable ornaments off the tree into a corner in the storage bin.  Normally we'd pack all these up in boxes.  We're kinda anal that way but I couldnt' find the boxes to pack stuff in (I had asked hubby but he was either ignoring me or didn't hear me) so I said screw it and just tossed the stuff in.  So I just know that I'm going to regret that next Christmas.  Like I said, we're big on putting things back in their original boxes etc.  

Right now it's kinda bugging me a little but I've got 11 months to sort of forget about it.  By the time next Christmas rolls around I'm sure it will be a 'gee can't imagine what happened to the ornaments" kinda of thing. *L*  

Zeemaid

Wishing can be DANGEROUS

As I was browsing the gadget feature to see what I could add to my page (did you know there were more there than the basic, duh to me) when I saw one popular gadget: Places you must see before you die. The main photo was gorgeous and I thought... what was the point in looking at beautiful scenery of beautiful places that I was never going to get to see? Does it make sense to create that kind of longing? Kind of like, don't wish for riches because you're never gonna get it. Or don't dream about how you'd spend the money if you won the lotto jackpot cause it's not going to happen (especially if you never buy a ticket).

Of course, dreams are nice to have and nice to dream about. I dreamed about getting married, having a home of my own and children. Now those things are and were possible for me and are possible for most people. Most people; however, are not going to win a home makeover by Tai Pennington or Oprah. Most people are not going to win the lottery. Most people are not going to get a personal makeover or have some rich relative die and leave them a sizable inheritance.

Some people can dream those things and not become discontent. For some, it can make the future seem rosier to think of those things as possibilities.

I'm not like that. If I can't have it, I don't want to think about. It bums me out. Why stir up discontent. I'd rather not look at sales fliers if I don't have money to buy anything. Besides, when it comes down to it do any of those things really make people happy? Money takes the pressure off, yes that's true but it still (and there's so many songs and stories to prove it) doesn't buy happiness.

It's kind of like this cruise we've been talking about. It will be our 10th anniversary this summer and we'd really like to get away. Heck, let's face it, we NEED to get away. So we've been talking and talking and looking at cruise guides for planning a cruise.

First... we started off we'll go somewhere exotic. Then we looked at airfare and air travel time (a lot of the tropical cruises leave from Florida) and thought we need to find a cruise that's not so far to get to. So we're look at cruises from LA etc. Then we think... what if something happens to us while flying, our kids would be parentless in one shebang. So then we're looking at a cruise that leaves closer to us. Only it's to somewhere cold and we'd done it before.

I've played it safe my whole life. I've travelled to Europe but to the safe part of Europe. I stayed with friends or family when I was there. I've travelled across Canada and the U.S. but never stopped at those quaint, unfamiliar places because they're you know... unfamiliar. So for once I wanted to break out of the mold and do something more let's say exotic.

Well, we are now in January 2009 and have been talking about this since at least August of 2008. Do we have passports done? NO. Do we have a trip booked? NO. Do we at least have it narrowed down to one specific place or idea? NO. Do we have the money saved? NO. (Well we're using travel reward miles but we still need spending money) Do we know who is going to look after our kids? NO.

And that, my friends, is really the crux of the problem. Our three little (snort) darlings. Ahem. We can't rely on K's parents. They are in their sixties and it's just not fair to ask them to wear themselves out for an entire week looking after the kidlets. If said kidlets were older and in school most of the time, I wouldn't feel so bad. My mom, though younger, still works so that's out. We have one friend who said she'd do it if she wasn't pregnant. They are probably going to start trying soon. She also needs to work so we'd have to pay for her to be off, which I'm fine doing but who knows if that would be okay with her employer. (She's currently seeking employment). Something always seems to come up to prevent these things. Besides it just seems like such a huge thing to ask people to look after your three children for a whole week. It's not just the babysitting thing, it's uprooting their lives thing to do it.

Oh and did I mention, we're also trying to sell our house and have no idea when or if it's gonna sell and whether we'd be trying to move before, during or after our vacation.

So I'm back to the let's face it... it's just not gonna happen. It may be nice to talk about but reality is, it's just not gonna happen.

So yeah, to get back to my point. Wishing CAN be dangerous.. to your mental health that is.

Just a thought.

Zeemaid

P.S. So much for my thinking positive resolution. *L*

Above picture provided by http://www.graphicsbypennyparker.com/If you like the blue fairy photo, you absolutely must check out this lady's page. It's amazing.

Losing The Flash

Argh.  Don't you just hate it when you get the flash but you can't do anything about it because you're too busy at the moment.  Then when you do finally get a chance to sit down and blog, the idea has completely gone out of your head and try as you may, you just can't think what it was you wanted to write about.  And it was good, I know it was.  ;) 

I think that's why people invented portable Dictaphones only that doesn't exactly work in the life of a stay at home mom. 

Aside from losing the flash, we're back to school again.  E was quite happy to go to school today and as much as I grumbled about having to be up and about on time again, it was nice to slip into a routine.  Holidays has a way of derailing routines.  

We undecorated our house this past weekend and I, for once, am relieved.  The tree was just so messy and making our house so cluttered looking.  The kidlets couldn't keep their hands off it so it was in a sad state of disarray and then there's the fact that it just crowds our small living room. 

We decided to rearrange our living room on top of that and you'd be amazed at how much our mood levels rose just by getting ourselves reorganized and changing things around.  The changes aren't big changes but it's just refreshing to the room and to the eyes.  I think part of our problem was that we were getting too bogged down in the Christmas clutter.  Our usual tradition is keeping presents under the tree after xmas until the tree comes down and gets put away.(yes, the kids still get to play with them)  With three kids though that's a lot of little things kicking around plus they've liked to add their old stuff to the pile.  Anyone living in a small place knows how depressing it can be to live in too much clutter. 

My sister-in-law told me that after being at our house for the week, she always gets depressed. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment the size of a postage stamp and there is 4 of them and they have way too much stuff.  Upstairs in our home (where the in laws live) has 4 bedrooms, a family room, living room, dining room, 2 1/2 bathrooms etc.  Downstairs we're at least 600 square feet less and there is 5 of us.  (we've switched cause we're selling the house and with 3 kids, I have better access to back yard). 

Update re the snow:  It's still here.  It's been about a month since it all started.  We just can't seem to get rid of the cold front.  It starts snowing on and off and really dumped last night.  They got it worse than us on the mainland though so I should consider myself lucky.  At this point I'm waiting for the snow to just melt and go.  We really can't go anywhere very far because everything is so icy and there's not point putting me and the kids at risk if I don't have to.  My mom's about to have a conniption.  All this snow drives her batty because she's worried sick about us big kids driving in it plus she doesn't like to drive to work in it so she makes my dad.  My mom is definitely one of those people that like to do the driving.  

So for all that I've supposedly lost the "flash", it seems I still found plenty to write about.  It was just a particular topic I wanted to canvass. Oh well, if it comes back to me next time I will write it down first. 

Cheers, 

Zeemaid

In the Mommy Trenches

P.S.  In Response to the Comments left re Why We Blog

To those that posted comments thank you for sharing why you blog.  :)  There is no real comparison to the diaries of old.  I just like the anonymity of it all. :)

  

Why We Blog

Why do we blog? Are we looking for recognition, immortality or just to record our day. In days now mostly gone by we used paper diaries. You know that thing you write on with a pen. I would bet that more people blog nowadays at one time than any one has ever recorded their life on paper in history.

Why is that? Is it because we're so voyeuristic we like to live through other people's lives? Kinda like watching reality t.v.

I started a blog because I figured I had some opinions I wanted to rant about and maybe, just maybe somebody would pay attention to them and possibly agree with me. I set up this account, made myself and my information as anonymous as possible so I could lay it all out there. So I wouldn't be worried about what someone would think if I said something bad about them. So I could be completely honest in how I think and how I feel. Too often we jump to the wrong emotions but by writing it out we can realize where we are wrong and work on it.

But now... my blog has been compromised.

Firstly because I asked a friend for assistance in getting more traffic to my site. They said they wouldn't read it... they did. And that's okay. It's just that after I knew they were, I found myself rethinking what I was typing just in case they read it again.

Secondly, my blog is compromised because I've had a few comments on my posts. Don't get me wrong, I was eager for comments and the knowledge that someone was actually reading this stupid thing. But then as I began to read their blogs and find out who they are, I find myself caring about what they might think of me. Suddenly a bad day was smoothed over a little. After all, I don't want these people to think I'm horrible, do I? And I'm not always that witty. I try to be, I would like to be but some days it's just not there. There's a pressure to be upbeat and witty, that that is more appealing somehow.

But please don't stop the comments. I do love them and I enjoy reading other people's blogs.

I just have to get over myself and stop looking for other people's approval. Maybe I should add that to my New Year's list.

So please keep up the comments when you have them. I appreciate it and I will try to keep on being honest and open and hey, I guess if you don't like me or what you're reading, you can just go on to the next blog. That's my philosophical thought for the day.... can you tell I've been watching too many narrated shows.

Zeemaid

Happy New Year!

Well it's 2009 and already... nothing seems different.  I still got up grumpy, still had to push the kids away just so I could pee for maybe 5 secs in peace.  Had to nag the kids to tell me what they wanted for breakfast because I knew that if I let them ignore more, I'd be just about to sit down and eat my own breakfast when suddenly they'd come whining up to me looking for theirs and I'd have to make it while my own went cold.  The life of a mom.  I don't know about you but I like to eat my food while it's still warm and drink my tea while it's still hot.  In other words, I hate cold food. Unless, of course, it's meant to be cold. 

Did I really think the new year would bring in anything different?  No.  Was it too much to expect hubby to plan his schedule ahead so he took off more than just one day off for the Xmas holidays. (Sorry honey but Xmas day does NOT count).  On the one hand, I get that he has to pay stat pay etc and it's expensive, on the other hand... which is more important paying staff an extra 100 or so or spending more time with the family and HELPING out.  :) 

My husband is great at helping but this week we've had his family all week.  I end up with 4 kids most of the day.  E's cousin B is 5 months younger than her and so I've got two hyper 5 year olds that can't seem to sit still or be quiet for more than 5 seconds.  The only reasonable chance I've got of that is if I can entice them to watch a movie.  Even then it's hard finding one that's alluring enough to make them not want to run and jump and scream.  When the girls get like that all the kids start because they can't seem to keep their hands off the little ones.  They hug them and kiss them and squeeze them.  Ever see the little girl on Animaniacs?  The one who'd love and squeeze every animal that came her way until they were absolutely desperate to get away.  Just like that.  

I do get a few quiet moments now and then when I steal them.  My perfect excuse is that O is going down for his nap so I left the girls upstairs with Nana, Papa and Aunty and I buggered off to put O to bed.  Of course, now I'm making sure he's asleep before I go back up.  I'm not stupid. 

However, negativity begets negativity.  Is that a saying?  Probably not.  I've been reading about positive thinking etc. and have decided that it makes sense.  Change your attitude change your life.  So I'm going to start thinking positively.  There was this whole blah blah stuff about the law of attraction etc... but I also believe in the Grace of God so I'm not sure where all that falls into it.  

My house is going to sell and for top dollar.  I will lose weight and be a smaller size again.  I will become more patient.  I will resolve my work issue and spend more time with my family and more time for me.  

Oh and this snowy weather is going to stop. Soon.  I don't think I mentioned that we still have snow.  That's over 3 weeks of snow.  That is very unusual.  The snow is definitely melting now but there was just so much of it.  Plus, it's still very cold so we have a lot of ice now and today it decided to snow again when it called for rain.  It's calling for rain the whole weekend so we shall see. 

Well.... O's definitely asleep so I better get back up there and do my part!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Zeemaid